PHILANTHROPY HUMOR

Help Me Reach My GoFundMe Goal of Becoming a More Positive Person Who Has a Million Dollars

Only $999,999 to go!

$1 of $1,000,000 goal

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Raised by 1 people in 273 days

Ryan is organizing this fundraiser on behalf of Ryan

Friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers with money,

Over the past few years, some of you have expressed concerns about what a negative person I’ve become. Disgruntled, cynical, aloof, sardonic, and misanthropic are just some of the adjectives you’ve used to describe me.

I want you to know, I’ve heard you, I’ve taken your constructive criticism to heart, and I’m working towards a goal of strong personal growth and self-actualization. That said, the best self-help doesn’t come cheap.

I’m asking all those who have supported me with constructive criticism and encouraging words, to dig a little deeper — especially into your pockets — to donate towards the noble cause of helping me become a more positive person who’s flush with cash.

They say, “money can’t buy happiness,” but that seems incredibly pessimistic to me. How do you know if you’ve never tried? I’m positive I can be extremely happy once I have your collective million dollars. And all of you aspiring philanthropists can ensure this dream comes true.

In addition to the financial benefit I’ll gain from your generous donations, I will seek to answer the above-stated philosophical question of whether your money can buy my happiness. For tax purposes, you can write this off as both charity and scientific research. I also urge you to consider a reoccurring monthly stipend to ensure my happiness is continuous.

Some of you have asked, “Ryan, what the hay are you going to blow a million dollars on?” Great question. That’s why I admire you. You’re smart with money, and you’re already deeply invested in my well-being.

For starters, I’ll buy a Tesla Model S, so your donation will be great for the environment! They’re $100,000 but totally worth it since we’ll be saving the Earth.

To improve the feng shui of my living room while accenting the tasteful desert motif, I will purchase a Cerruti Baleri Cactus Sofa by Maurizio Galante Currently on sale for only $28,950.00!

To boost my self-esteem, I found these amazing leadership courses with this innovative group called NXIVM. They seem to have it all figured out and their entire philosophy is based on a “mission of ethical living.” We could all use a little more of that, am I right?

Next, I’ll get a Pinarello Dogma F12 Red eTap road bike so I can get back into shape. Your gift will go a long way towards improving both my mental and physical health. This amazing Italian bike is only £12,000. I don’t know how much that is in dollars but it sounds like a steal to me!

Of course, I’ll take several trips to exotic locations like Paris, The Bahamas, Tokyo, Tuscany, Detroit, Bora Bora, and Dubai. Heck, you can even come with me if you still have discretionary funds after committing a substantial and reoccurring monthly payment towards my goal.

So, friends, family, and kind humanitarians, you have a chance to make a real difference in one man’s life. I ask you to please open your hearts and your wallets towards giving me the resources to live like the king I am.

ALL FUNDS raised through this GoFundMe will go towards making Ryan a more positive person who has a million dollars.

Comments (6)

🚹 Franklin Hernandez donated $0 Call me when you need a heart transplant.

🚺 Rebecca Parker donated $0 This isn’t funny at all. Some people are really struggling.

🚹 Pauly Bacigalupo donated $1 I can’t stop laughing, so here’s a dollar!

⚧ Sam Yarbrough donated $0 You’ll be broke in 2 weeks, Boomer.

🚹 Trumpfan4life donated $0 Last time I donated money they kept withdrawing from my account. No thanks, bro!