Satire

Help Me Go Viral So I Can Invest More Into Stocks

I’m too cheap to spend $10 on a meal but I’ll spend $1,000 on stocks no problem

Hello there!

I’m your favorite type of millennial. I’m the guy who wants to become rich one day through the great game of stock trading. Sure I’ve only been playing with stocks for a few months, but trust me, I know what I’m doing.

I’ve already put some of my own personal money into the market, and it has performed pretty well. But if you could do me a favor and share this blog, I’d really appreciate it.

I need to go viral so that I can use my Medium earnings to invest more money. I’m going to be rich one day. Don’t you want to be rich?

Here, use my Robinhood promo code so you can get your free stock! http://join.robinhood.com/jordanm514

We’re going to get so rich together.

I know that one day, all of my investments are going to be able to make me passive income so that I don’t have to work anymore! I’ll have more time to travel, relax on the beach, and buy expensive things.

But right now I need money for my stocks.

No, I’m too cheap to spend $20 bucks on a meal, but when it comes to purchasing a Tesla stock, I have no problem throwing my money at it! There’s so much opportunity!

Nothing could go wrong. Stop saying that. The market won’t crash. Everything’s fine. I’m fine. We’re fine!

All I need you to do is read every single one of my blog posts and share them with other members so that I can collect as much of the Medium bankroll as possible. Sorry Tim Denning and Ayodeji Awosika, but I have to invest in my future!

My portfolio is the most important thing to me. More important than my GPA or my credit score. As long as I have a solid stock portfolio, then I’m doing life the right way.

Thank you for reading this because I really need the money for my stocks. I can’t wait to be famous and buy all the shares I’ve ever wanted!