Help, I’m a Prisoner in Becca’s Bath!
Oh great, it’s bath time again.
Cue the sappy music and dim the lights, Becca’s getting ready to wax poetic about the transformative powers of her bathtub once more.
Never mind that some of us have better things to do than bob around listening to her melodramatic bubble bath monologues.
Yes, yes, I know. The hot water “envelops you in its warm embrace,” the bubbles “tickle your skin” and it’s “just you and the water” finding “pure, simple peace.”
You’ve mentioned it before.
Many, many times before.
But here’s a newsflash Becca
Not all of us look forward to these ritualistic soakings like you do. Some of us have dreams beyond being a prop in your self-indulgent bath time routine.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but we plastic ducks aspire to greater purposes.
While you’re “sinking deeper into the soothing waters,” do you ever think about those of us left bobbing on the surface? We didn’t ask for this life as bath toys, doomed to endless cycles of dunks and dries.
And don’t even get me started on the prune-y fingers — SO attractive.
I’m glad you emerge “refreshed and ready to tackle whatever the world throws at you next.” I emerge waterlogged and questioning my life choices.
So please, next time you lament how “overwhelmed” you feel and need an escape, think of poor Winston who’d give anything for a break from the bath.
My rubber ducky dreams involve more than providing solace for stressed out bathers.
But go ahead, take your soak, light your candles, and relax.
I’ll just be over here treading water and working on my escape plan. These duck feet were made for walking, and that’s just what I’ll do.
Someday, when you least expect it, this duck is flying the coop.