Hello! Buy My Shit
The #1 secret to success in anything you do starts with you buying my shit
See that image up there with the money? That’s gonna be me after you follow my advice and buy my shit. But also, that could be you, after you’ve bought my shit.
You see, it’s really quite simple: if you want to succeed at whatever you’re doing, my shit can help, which is why it is absolutely imperative that you buy it at once.
It really doesn’t matter what you’re doing. In fact, I actually couldn’t care less, just buy my shit.
Here are some examples of when buying my shit is a good idea:
Want to be a good writer?
Buy my shit.
Want to flip real estate?
Buy my shit.
Want to sell shit to other people?
Buy my shit.
And that list isn’t exhaustive. It could go on for some time. It’s really quite simple. So simple, in fact, that I am FURIOUS that my shit didn’t exist for me to buy when I first started out. I assure you, if it did, I’d have bought it and succeeded even quicker and even harder than I already have.
In fact, sometimes I buy my own shit just to remind myself how useful my own shit is. Can you believe that shit?
At this point you should have already clicked off and bought my shit
Why are you still reading? I don’t understand. Why haven’t you clicked off on one of the myriad hyperlinks sneakily inserted throughout this story to enable you to buy my shit? They’re there to be clicked. Click them. What’s that, you can’t see any hyperlinks? Well that shouldn’t stop you, seek my shit out for yourself, what do you want from me?
I don’t see what the confusion is here. This article serves no purpose other than to get you to buy my shit, so really, if you’re still reading, you’re a little bit weird.
If you’ve bought my shit and come back to finish reading this sales pitch I mean engaging content then I’m just going to carry on writing about how you should buy my shit, okay?
So, after buying my shit, what you need to do next is share this link so other people can find and buy my aforementioned shit. Buy my shit for your friends and family. Christmas is coming up. A perfect time for shit. Leave my shit under their tree for them to unwrap on Christmas morning.
I put a lot of effort in to my shit and if people don’t buy it I’m going to be extremely upset with all of you.
I mean, you’re called “followers”, so do what I say. Follow my advice and buy my shit. If you don’t you’re basically lying to me.
Come on, I don’t need this rejection right now. The electric company are threatening to cut me off if I don’t catch up and my credit card bill is through the roof. I maxed it out buying advertising space to sell my shit.
Conclusion
Buy my shit for goodness sake. Do you want me to beg? You can’t see me right now, but just picture me begging, okay?
I really can’t stress enough that you should be buying shit. Mine specifically.
What’s that, you want to know what my shit is before you buy it? That seems reasonable.
It isn’t actual, literal shit, no. One review called it that, but they were being complimentary. You know, like calling something “sick” or “da bomb”. Kids these days. And they must’ve misclicked the one star. It’s easily done.
But I won’t say anymore, so stop asking. I’m not going to tell you what my shit is. If you’re curious there’s really only one way to find out, isn’t there?
Want to take a wild guess what that could be?
Completely unironic footnote:
Why not check out my other stuff using the links below? If you aren’t a Medium Member yet but want to be, consider using my referral link (a part of your monthly membership fee will go direct to me): https://therpg.medium.com/membership and to connect with me elsewhere go here: https://linktr.ee/rpgibson.