FROM THE MASTER CLASS OF RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES, BY JULIUS L. EVANS

Heavenly Woman, earthly man

After the Initial Buzz of a Relationship Wears off, the Real You Shows Up

Tammy and Adam were on the road to recovery. Eight months into a new relationship, their communication problems were resolved, and they could now talk about the things bothering them. That made it easier for Tammy to mention something to Adam that was on her mind.

When they first got together, Adam would accompany her to church each Sunday. In fact, he would call her early in the morning to ensure she was awake in enough time to get ready. At first, Tammy thought Adam was just going along with her program to get closer to her. Then it seemed like he really enjoyed service and was going to church for his own benefit.

He would say things like, “You can’t get me into heaven. I have to get my own ticket.” Tammy would just smile at his statements because she knew it was true, but again, she felt that he was just teasing somehow.

Adam had deep roots in the church. Raised in the Methodist faith where Reverend A. Z. Diego led the service each Sunday and on Wednesday afternoons, Bible study was the plan for the day, he knew where his salvation rested. If he were called, he was prepared to go.

But that was a long time ago. Adam was a grown man now. Always knowing where his heart was and how to retrieve his salvation at a moment’s notice, Adam was comfortable with where he was in his faith. When he met Tammy, he didn’t have a problem with her going to church, as long as she didn’t get in his knickers on the frequency of his attendance.

Now, things were beginning to change. Although Tammy was comfortable with her newfound communication skills, Adam was still coming to grips with it and some of the things Tammy would do.

Oftentimes, couples go through ups and downs which require daily mending. One of the best ways of mending wounded feelings is to be open about what’s bothering them.

“Going to church now isn’t that important to me because I’ve been involved with the church in one way or another most of my life,” Adam began explaining what was bothering him to Tammy. “Now, you expect me to only listen to church music, go to darn near every church service and watch every word that comes out of my mouth.”

Although it may seem at times that problems couples have may be worked through after getting through a rough patch in a relationship, that doesn’t mean they are completely through the woods on that particular matter.

Being surrounded by all the right things for a person who isn’t spiritually mature is something that probably will not work. A couple at a different stage in their spirituality will look at almost everything differently.

While he’s preparing partial payments for the monthly bills, she constantly reminds him to add 10 percent for tithing. The car radio is now a major issue every time they go somewhere together. Every slip of the tongue brings immediate and harsh criticism, every time!

One of the best ways to get her attention, he figured, was to direct his attention to other things that were in conflict with her beliefs. Not attending church was the quick resolve Adam came up with. But instead of adding fuel to a smoldering fire, it may have been more appropriate for Adam to tell Tammy exactly what was on his mind.

Not only is communication an important part of what this couple needs, but they now have to begin to work within their relationship to help determine which way things are going for them. Twenty years ago, the man would have just left, but it’s not so easy today. Do men really want to end a relationship merely because they aren’t getting some of what they want? Do you have to be 100 percent fulfilled in your relationship to experience at least satisfaction?

I pose that question to the reading audience. Please reply with your comments.

About the Author

Julius Evans is a 2X Top Writer on Medium in Writing and Music. He has a Master of Arts degree in National Security and Strategic Studies from the U.S. Naval War College, Newport, RI; a Master of Arts degree in Strategic Communication and Leadership from Seton Hall University, South Orange, NJ; a Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communication and Journalism from City University, Bellevue, WA, and an Associate of Arts Degree in Liberal Studies from Central Texas College, Killeen, Texas. He is a 1985 graduate of the Defense Information School (DINFOS) of Print and Electronic Journalism and Advanced Public Affairs. DINFOS was relocated from Fort Benjamin Harrison, Indianapolis, IN, to its current location at Fort George Meade, MD.

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