Heartbreak: The Pain is Real
My focus wavers as my thoughts wander again, unleashing upon me a strong torrent of cascading memories — her face, her voice, her laugh, her being, and our moments.
A strong sense of melancholy and nostalgia descends upon me followed by a stab of pain and disappointment in my heart. I look at the dreary present with an impossible longing to return to the past.
I stare at the clock with its second’s hand relentlessly forging ahead.
Time, such a cruel thing —forever marching forward, never to stop or reverse.
A voice calling me for lunch interrupts my musings. “Coming!”, I shout as I shut the laptop lid and run down the stairs.
While talking to my grandparents over lunch, I become quite lively and the gloom disappears for the time being.
Back to my room, I plop onto my bed, and then it’s back in all its glory.
Everything is silent except for the gentle billowing of the curtains, the low hum of the ceiling fan, the singing of the cicadas, and the beating of my aching heart.
Sprawled on bed, thanks to a sumptuous lunch and a cozy blanket, I inadvertently fall asleep.
I dream — of her, of us, of the past when life still held color and charm.
Dreams are treacherous things — they feel real as long as you are dreaming.
As I wake up from my siesta, a wave of disappointment washes over me.
I kick my way out of bed and make my way to the washroom.
As I turn on the faucet and splash some of the cool liquid on my face, I catch my reflection in the mirror.
Surprisingly I look normal, or better even — Not a single hint of any anguish.
Feeling upbeat, I head to the gym — A much-needed respite, and the only thing I look forward to nowadays.
Lifting weights with kickass music blasting in my ears and light banter in between sets is absolute therapy.
Shower, dinner and it’s back to my room again — the thing and place I dread the most nowadays.
Only a matter of time now before the melancholy returns with much gusto.
And then I will fall asleep and dream — of her, of us, of the past when life still held color and charm.
When I wake up tomorrow, I just hope it won’t be another today.
Heartbreak had left me in a deep dark place that took a few weeks to climb out of.
Not even in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would go through something like it, considering the fact that I used to pride myself on being mentally strong.
Nobody suspected anything back then. No wonder they didn’t — I used to eat, sleep, laugh, talk, workout as usual, and even looked happy if not happier than usual.
Truth be told, You can look like the happiest person on earth and be depressed. Mental health issues are deceptive that way.
No matter how mentally strong you are, you aren’t immune to mental issues.
Seek help when necessary, it’s much better than bearing the brunt yourself.
