Healing Separation Consciousness

Racism and the twin flame journey

After my twin flame and I broke up in 2011, he begged for the chance to “explain” his sudden change of heart, his decision to downgrade our passionate, intimate and beautiful romantic connection into a “friendship.”

Deep down, I suspected that I knew his reason — or at least one of them. I asked him point blank, “Is this about the way that I look?” But the real, implicit question that I was too tactful to ask was, “Is this about the colour of my skin?”

I am a woman of colour, and my twin was a white man of German ancestry with a very clear “type.” From what I could tell, before me, he had only ever dated white, blonde-haired women.

He immediately responded, “I think you’re beautiful.” But we both knew that was not what I was asking.

A couple of months later, a mutual acquaintance approached me and offered up an unsolicited piece of information — she had recently run in to my ex with his new, blonde girlfriend.

This information ripped my guts out — mostly because I was extremely jealous and perplexed as to why he was willing to offer commitment to someone other than me. I suspected, but couldn’t prove, that his reason had something to do with the fact that his new partner had the “right” skin colour and appearance, and I did not.

On its face, it seemed obvious that he was nothing more than a racist asshole who had led me on. He had done something extremely dishonourable by getting into a deeply intimate relationship with me, a woman to whom he had no intention of ever committing. It was an open and shut case of, “I deserve better than this jackass.”

And yet, my heart refused to mend from the excruciating, relentless, maddening pain of being separated from this man. I spent countless hours and dollars in therapy, visiting psychics, going to energy healers, trying acupuncture, yoga, meditation — and nothing removed this burden from my heart. I felt like I was dragging an anchor around with me — a ball and chain — but it was tied around my heart.

I slowly started to realize that this was true grief, and that I was going to have to live with the pain in the same way that one would live with a chronic illness or disability that needed to be constantly managed and kept in check.

Over time I found ways to move forward by trying to pretend he didn’t exist (extremely difficult because we worked at the same company). I refocused all of my energy on cultivating inner peace — at all costs. I slowed my life right down, and everything I did revolved around easing the pain and finding calmness and balance within.

I understand now that through this intensive healing, my soul was going through the fire of alchemy. I always understood, on some level, that I was going through a major process of transmutation, but I never understood why it was happening, and why God would be cruel enough to throw the thorny element of racism into an already excruciating breakup.

Over the following years, I continued to grow and transform and become the best version of myself. I accomplished every lofty goal I ever set for myself and overcame every daunting obstacle that was placed in my path. I became mentally and emotionally stable, extremely resilient and unbreakable.

I was always somewhat aware that the trigger for all of this exponential growth had been that breakup.

The relentless pain had kicked me in to high gear. This man’s rejection had made me feel worthless, and come hell or high water, I was going to prove — to myself and the rest of the world — that I was anything but. Throughout this journey, I proved to myself that there was nothing I could not accomplish, and that I was always going to follow through on whatever I set out to do.

Then, one night in September of 2020, I was scrolling through social media and I chanced on an unmistakable image — it was a picture of him, the man who had destroyed my heart and set me on an endless path of healing, growth and transformation. I looked closer, and it was a post about him. It was an obituary. He had recently died, on the nine-year anniversary of the very day in 2011 that he had shown up at my apartment and broken up with me, sadly asking, “Can we be friends?”

He had died of an excruciatingly painful, horrific illness that had seemed to come up out of nowhere and taken his life at only 37 years old. I told my mother — the one person who had most intensely witnessed my extreme mental and emotional suffering over this man. She acknowledged that it was objectively sad news, but then she also remarked, “That’s karma.”

She had no idea how right she was.

It took nearly a year from that day for me to finally solve the mystery of why this man had haunted me for so long. In 2021, I learned that he had been my “twin flame.” At the time, I didn’t even really know what that meant.

Eventually, I understood that we shared a soul, and that we were mirrors of one another. Then, I understood even more deeply that we were one entity, one energy system. Everything I experienced energetically, he experienced too. This was why the news of his illness and death did not surprise me, even though it shocked me. It was because I recognized the pain he had suffered as a physical manifestation of my own pain. It somehow made complete sense to me, in a way that nothing else had until now.

Now that he was on the other side, I was able to get more honest answers about the breakup. My shaman explained, “He wasn’t sure if his family would accept you. He wanted to fit in with his community. He wanted a ‘trophy wife’ who ‘fit in a box’.” He was finally owning up to the racism.

It made me angry, filled me with rage, and it reignited my grief. So it turned out he was an asshole after all. My shaman even said so.

It took me a long time to process this new layer of grief.

And when I got to the bottom of my grief, I understood, finally, why this had happened.

Your twin flame is a mirror that shows you everything that is in your energy system. Your twin flame is you, in another body. They trigger you to uncover and purge anything that is toxic, dark, and demonic from your soul — anything that perpetuates the illusion, the lie, of separateness.

Racism plays a huge role in separation consciousness. Racism only exists because we believe that we are separate from one another. Twin flames are here — often presenting in two very different bodies— to trigger one another (and then others) into remembering the truth of unity consciousness. The truth that each one of us is whole and complete, that we are all extensions of the one Source energy, and there is no separation.

It is a truth that is felt in the heart, it is an energetic frequency, a state of resonance with the energy of unconditional love, also referred to as Christ consciousness.

From the highest perspective, my twin flame was simply exposing separation consciousness in my energy body. It was not my job to “solve” racism in the world, but to heal the racism that was living inside my energy field, and to return to the knowledge of oneness.

Whether we are on the “receiving” or “giving” end of racism, it is an illusion of separation that exists within the collective consciousness. We heal it, on the individual level, by connecting with, loving and accepting the part of us that is full of rage and grief over a lack of love that was caused by the illusion that we were separate from our brothers and sisters, and any other being on this planet — in this lifetime, and many before.

I lost a lifetime with my twin flame because of the illusion of separation. That is my soul’s karma. And I see how much it makes sense, because my ancestors are from apartheid South Africa. Separation consciousness was weaved into my DNA. It was my karma to untangle it from my energetic system, and my twin was the trigger to force me to go through that painful release.

I have blood from Europe, Asia, Africa, and many places in between. I have the blood of the slavers and the enslaved, the perpetrators and the victims, the colonizers and the colonized. All of that has to be transmuted when you are healing through the twin flame journey. It is all old, dense energy that has to go.

If you are on the twin flame journey and you are experiencing a perceived rejection because of who you are — whether that is your race, religion, age, gender, or anything else — then I hope this post helps you understand what is happening.

Your twin is not your enemy. Your twin is you. Anything they appear to be doing that is causing you pain is pointing to a wound in your soul that needs your love. It needs your non-judging acceptance and awareness. It needs to be felt and acknowledged.

Allow yourself to feel the rage, the grief, the anger — anything that bubbles up for you. Try to avoid attaching a story to it, and let it flow through you. Your pain is relevant, and you are not just healing it for yourself. You are healing it for your ancestors and for the collective consciousness.

It’s heavy shit, and it’s not easy to process. But you, as a twin flame, came equipped to handle it. Your ancestors are grateful, and they are proud of everything you are doing. It means more than you know.

Trust that you will heal and that you will find lighter energy and higher consciousness on the other side of this healing. There is a higher purpose to everything you are going through, and better days are ahead.

Keep going.