Childhood Abuse

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Abstract

his behavior do it to relax. They bang their head rhythmically as they’re falling asleep, when they wake up in the middle of the night, or even while they’re sleeping. Some rock on all fours as well. Developmental experts believe that the rhythmic motion, like rocking in a chair, may help your toddler soothe himself.</li><li>Pain relief. Your toddler may also bang his head if he’s in pain — from <a href="https://www.babycenter.com/0_teething_11403.bc">teething</a> or an <a href="https://www.babycenter.com/0_ear-infections-in-children_11425.bc">ear infection</a>, for example. Headbanging seems to help kids feel better, perhaps by distracting them from the discomfort in their mouth or ear.</li><li>Frustration. If your toddler bangs his head during temper tantrums, he’s probably trying to vent some strong emotions. He hasn’t yet learned to express his feelings adequately through words, so he’s using physical actions. And again, he may be comforting himself during this very stressful event.</li><li>A need for attention. Ongoing head banging may also be a way for your toddler to get attention. Understandably, you may tend to become solicitous when you see your child doing something that appears self-destructive. And since he likes it when you fuss over his behavior, he may continue the head banging in order to get the attention he wants.</li><li>A developmental problem. Headbanging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders — but in most of these cases, it’s just one of many behavioral red flags. Rarely does head banging alone signal a serious problem.</li></ul>This was an eye-opener for me though it did not apply entirely to my situation in that I was not a toddler. I was of school age (though I do not remember my exact age). I do recall it was during the summers that this sitter stayed with us. What I have noticed is that as a young adult I would still secretly rock back and forth and at times butt my head on the back of the sofa and continued this through my first pregnancy. During my second pregnancy, I made a conscious effort to not rock or butt my head. The results of this proved to be interesting. In my first pregnancy, where I did not try to monitor or stop my actions, my twins did not pick up the habit; however, with my second delivery, my third child did.Baby Center goes on to recommend:<ul><li>If your child bangs his head a lot during the day or continues to bang his head even though he’s h

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urting himself, you may have cause for concern. Though it’s uncommon, head banging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders, which sometimes become apparent during the toddler and preschool years.</li><li>Autistic children generally don’t relate well to people. They often aren’t interested in physical contact with their parents and seem to look through people rather than at them. If you notice that your child is losing physical abilities, language, or other skills he’s acquired; if he’s becoming increasingly withdrawn; or if he’s consistently delayed in achieving common developmental milestones, check with his doctor.</li></ul>This information also caused some reflection. I did not have the loss of physical abilities, language or any of the skills I acquired; but, I did not have much interest in physical contact with my parent and have often been accused of looking through people. I did not head butt to the point of hurting myself, though, at times, it would be intense. I also can recall that the head butting was a source of comfort and even now when I feel particularly challenged I find myself rocking and humming.

Although the arrangement was not ideal and the actions abusive, I found ways to use it successfully in my life. As a transcriptionist, sitting for long periods is necessary. It is also nice to be able to sit for long periods with my thoughts. I enjoy long periods of quiet and will find places of solitude. I value my alone time.

What may appear to be quirky or weird to some, has brought comfort in ways that many of the people I do surround myself with wish they could have. Knowing that it came out of an adverse situation could have left me bitter, angry and destructive. I was angry for a while once I began to understand what had happened to me.The sitter did confess that she was sorry for her ill-treatment of me and asked that I forgive her because she was not in a good place in her own life. She described her feelings of jealousy towards me developed because my mother did not terminate me when she found out she was pregnant at a young age.

I do not profess to understand all that she tried to convey and I wish I could say that when you spoke with me I immediately forgave her. It would be quite some time before I could release the hurt and anger I felt. The good thing is that I was able to make peace with it and that I found ways to cope with what otherwise could have destroyed my life.</article></body>

Childhood Abuse

“Behind every dark cloud is a silver lining” is a phrase I grew up hearing and eventually adopted and applied to my own life. I am the firstborn. Growing up my mother worked a lot outside the home. There were several sitters, but one stands out among the rest. Every day this sitter had a ritual for me. I was to sit outside on the porch until noon. Noon was lunchtime. After lunch, I had to take a bath and then I was whipped with a belt, followed by sitting on the floor in a room against a wall until my mother arrived home from work. This went on for years. I developed a habit of rocking and hitting my head against the wall. Although this sounds harsh and today would have been reported as child abuse, there was a positive outcome; I learned to sit for long periods of time. Growing up I did not understand nor know anything about neurosis and had it been mentioned, I would not have known how to respond to the implications it presented to my life. The purpose of this essay is to show how positivity can come from adversity. It is also my hope that anyone wondering why they do some of the quirky things they do can reflect to the earliest memory of when the behavior began and take an honest look at how it may have shaped how they compensate for things in life.

When I decided to write about this subject I must admit I was wanting to express the anger I was feeling at that moment; however, after I decided to see what I could find from the internet regarding the subject of “headbanging”, I changed direction. As a result, I will look at a deeper implication. According to Baby Center website: https://www.babycenter.com/0_head-banging-12-to-24-mo_11554.bc Headbanging is surprisingly common. Up to 20 percent of babies and toddlers bang their heads on purpose, although boys are three times more likely to do it than girls. Headbanging often starts in the second half of the first year and peaks between 18 and 24 months of age. Your child’s head banging habit may last for several months, or even years, though most children outgrow it by age 3.

Possible reasons your toddler may bang his head:

Self-comfort. As strange as it may sound, most toddlers who indulge in this behavior do it to relax. They bang their head rhythmically as they’re falling asleep, when they wake up in the middle of the night, or even while they’re sleeping. Some rock on all fours as well. Developmental experts believe that the rhythmic motion, like rocking in a chair, may help your toddler soothe himself.

Pain relief. Your toddler may also bang his head if he’s in pain — from teething or an ear infection, for example. Headbanging seems to help kids feel better, perhaps by distracting them from the discomfort in their mouth or ear.

Frustration. If your toddler bangs his head during temper tantrums, he’s probably trying to vent some strong emotions. He hasn’t yet learned to express his feelings adequately through words, so he’s using physical actions. And again, he may be comforting himself during this very stressful event.

A need for attention. Ongoing head banging may also be a way for your toddler to get attention. Understandably, you may tend to become solicitous when you see your child doing something that appears self-destructive. And since he likes it when you fuss over his behavior, he may continue the head banging in order to get the attention he wants.

A developmental problem. Headbanging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders — but in most of these cases, it’s just one of many behavioral red flags. Rarely does head banging alone signal a serious problem.

This was an eye-opener for me though it did not apply entirely to my situation in that I was not a toddler. I was of school age (though I do not remember my exact age). I do recall it was during the summers that this sitter stayed with us. What I have noticed is that as a young adult I would still secretly rock back and forth and at times butt my head on the back of the sofa and continued this through my first pregnancy. During my second pregnancy, I made a conscious effort to not rock or butt my head. The results of this proved to be interesting. In my first pregnancy, where I did not try to monitor or stop my actions, my twins did not pick up the habit; however, with my second delivery, my third child did.

Baby Center goes on to recommend:

If your child bangs his head a lot during the day or continues to bang his head even though he’s hurting himself, you may have cause for concern. Though it’s uncommon, head banging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders, which sometimes become apparent during the toddler and preschool years.

Autistic children generally don’t relate well to people. They often aren’t interested in physical contact with their parents and seem to look through people rather than at them. If you notice that your child is losing physical abilities, language, or other skills he’s acquired; if he’s becoming increasingly withdrawn; or if he’s consistently delayed in achieving common developmental milestones, check with his doctor.

This information also caused some reflection. I did not have the loss of physical abilities, language or any of the skills I acquired; but, I did not have much interest in physical contact with my parent and have often been accused of looking through people. I did not head butt to the point of hurting myself, though, at times, it would be intense. I also can recall that the head butting was a source of comfort and even now when I feel particularly challenged I find myself rocking and humming. Although the arrangement was not ideal and the actions abusive, I found ways to use it successfully in my life. As a transcriptionist, sitting for long periods is necessary. It is also nice to be able to sit for long periods with my thoughts. I enjoy long periods of quiet and will find places of solitude. I value my alone time. What may appear to be quirky or weird to some, has brought comfort in ways that many of the people I do surround myself with wish they could have. Knowing that it came out of an adverse situation could have left me bitter, angry and destructive. I was angry for a while once I began to understand what had happened to me.

The sitter did confess that she was sorry for her ill-treatment of me and asked that I forgive her because she was not in a good place in her own life. She described her feelings of jealousy towards me developed because my mother did not terminate me when she found out she was pregnant at a young age. I do not profess to understand all that she tried to convey and I wish I could say that when you spoke with me I immediately forgave her. It would be quite some time before I could release the hurt and anger I felt. The good thing is that I was able to make peace with it and that I found ways to cope with what otherwise could have destroyed my life.