He Takes More Selfies Than Me

Is his “Selfitis” due to narcissism or low self-esteem?

I don’t take selfies. Not anymore.

Yes, I went through a faze, maybe around 2010, when I got my first iPhone and opened an Instagram account. It was all still quite new then. Just a bit of fun. People hadn’t yet caught “Selfitis” and we were all still relatively normal.

However, the novelty wore off quickly and I got bored, realizing how much time I was wasting trying to get the perfect selfie.

I don’t have anything against the odd selfie here and there and every profile should have a few. But what really makes me roll my eyes are the constant selfies in the car, filtered up to the max. Every day, the same photo, different outfit.

Selfitis is classified as an official mental disorder. It was confirmed as early as 2014, in Chicago, Illinois, by The American Psychiatric Association (APA).

The APA said that there are three different levels of Selfitis:

• Borderline selfitis : taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day but not posting them on social media.
• Acute selfitis: taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day and posting each of the photos on social media
• Chronic selfitis: Uncontrollable urge to take photos of one’s self round the clock and post the photos on social media more than six times a day

Have we created a generation of narcissists, people with low self-esteem, and people with distorted perceptions of their appearance?

What astounded me lately, however, on a recent trip away with my “it’s complicated” ex, was the amount of selfies he was taking.

During the years we were together he would send me a selfie now and then — “Look at my new cap”, “I got my hair cut” etc. Normal texting banter between lovers, nothing to worry about.

Whilst on our weekend away though I began to see him slightly obsessed with his camera and his physical appearance. He wanted to make a reel, he said, he’d never made a reel, and wanted to make one of this trip.

“Okay, great, give me your phone, I’ll take the photo for you,” I suggested. This way I thought that at least his photos would look a little more natural and not so desperate.

We did take some photos together as well, so the three days didn’t just consist of his Selfitis.

On the third day, I couldn’t contain myself any longer, I rolled my eyes. It didn’t go down well and we had a few heated words.

I just didn’t recognize this guy anymore. I felt that he couldn’t even see me at all because all he could see was himself. He was so obsessed with his physical appearance and his photos that it seemed he had only come away with me to get some great shots and make that damn reel.

Another tense moment was when he asked me to take a shot of him on the beach with the pier behind him. It was approaching sunset and the golden hour was highlighting his chiseled abs. I have to admit he looked great. But then the next 10 minutes consisted of him looking at the photos and sending them to some of his contacts. Obviously, I asked who they were for. “My children” he claimed, showing me his phone.

But the creme de la creme was when, on the final day, we both sat down and started experimenting with reels. A little playful competition. When we’d both finished he showed me his. A few landscape photos — and him. Mainly him.

Something inside me deterred me from showing him mine. I said it wasn’t ready yet. My reel consisted of all the elements of our few days together. The food we ate, our photos together, the wine we shared, and the places we visited.

I guess the trip meant more to me than it did to him.

This brings me to contemplate why he has developed this obsessive-compulsive desire to take so many photos of himself. Is it a way to connect with others or a way to boost his self-esteem? Is he looking for attention from other girls as in theory he is a single man now? I believe I can rule out narcism in his case. He doesn’t have a drop of grandiosity or entitlement in his blood. But low self-esteem, yes. He is riled with it.

These selfies may give him validation. The likes may give him a temporary ego boost.

But he is losing something huge.

And that is my admiration of him. Sad but true.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope you found it helpful and empowering. Your thoughts and experiences are valuable to me, so please feel free to share them in the comments section below. I look forward to catching up with you soon. Louise ;)