He Hired Me Because Of My “Sexy Facebook Picture”

But I succeeded because of my skills

I was 26 when I had my second ever professional interview. I felt so anxious and worried about anything that might happen. I had just been diagnosed with IBS and it appeared that my stomach was louder than the music in the lobby where I waited. I tried to focus on my breath, but the thoughts kept interrupting me: “What if they asked me a technical question that I didn’t know the answer to? What if they thought I had exaggerated on my CV? Why on earth did I think applying was a good idea?”

The moment my future boss came to collect me, my fears evaporated. He appeared to be the friendliest guy I had ever met, beaming at me like a child at Christmas. “Kara”, was the first thing he said, “we are so excited to meet you”, he stretched out his hands and introduced himself, let’s say his name was Ross. I would have estimated him to be around 40, well-groomed, not attractive, but with a friendly smile that immediately made me feel welcome. The interview was conducted by him and another, much younger man, but Ross did most of the talking. And when I say most of the talking, I mean there was more talking from him than questions to me.

Ross and I connected instantly, we had so much in common. We both had a history of working at the same company. Although our paths had never crossed, we indulged in tales, nostalgia and stories about mutual friends. His wife had grown up in the same country as me and his daughter was the same age as mine. Straight away it felt more like I was catching up with a long lost friend than being interviewed for a job.

What struck me most at the time was that it felt like the purpose of the interview was to convince me to accept the role. There were little questions regarding my skills or experience and when he spoke about the benefits of the company, Ross grinned and winked at me: “And the best part, of course, you get to work with me”. 1 hour later, I had been made an offer for more money than I had asked for.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind that I might not have been hired for my skills alone, but I really wanted the job.

It took him a year to make the first move

During my first year of working for Ross, we developed what I would have described as a wonderful friendship. We were inseparable, sitting next to each other, talking all day and spending each lunch break together, just the two of us. We met up with the families at weekends. He helped me with every problem I had, encouraged me and praised me for my work, I thought I couldn’t have wished for a better boss. What a difference it made to have a manager who truly supported me, my confidence grew by the day.

After a year, at a company party, Ross confessed that he had fallen in love with me. He knew nothing could ever happen between us, he would state, but he just wished we had met at a different time and place. The attraction wasn’t mutual, but I thought rejecting him would change our friendship and work relationship, so I didn’t respond. In the following weeks, I tried to ignore his increasingly flirty comments and inappropriate questions and pretended nothing had ever happened. He thought my silence meant that he wasn’t being clear enough and it became harder to dodge these awkward conversations by the day.

I didn’t speak to anyone about his advances. I ran all the options through in my head and they would all inevitably end up with the same scenario: Me having to leave my job. Ross was 4 paygrades above me and had a lot of responsibilities the entire company relied on. He was a board member and had just been given company shares. Me leaving would have always been the easiest option.

But I didn’t feel ready to leave. I had grown to love my day-to-day job, the team I worked with and the opportunities I had been given. Truthfully, I had also enjoyed Ross’ friendship and help and was worried I would lose it. For the first time since starting my career, I felt that I was truly happy and content and I wasn’t ready to give this up. I didn’t want anything to change.

It all escalated fast

Events happened so quickly that I struggle to remember the exact timeline. I remember saying goodbye to Ross in a car park when he asked me if it would be inappropriate to kiss me. I was shocked, shouted YES and stormed off. Next thing I know I find myself on a secret chat with him, talking about our sex life. And eventually, our lunch breaks moved to the private bathrooms at work, but that is a story for another day.

Ross was quick to admit that his fantasies about having sex with me had evolved from the moment he saw “my sexy facebook picture” that he stumbled upon while doing research on my CV. This was before we had met in person. I also learned that some of my pictures had been shared amongst male colleagues before I joined and Ross had been congratulated on “finally hiring a hot employee”.

Once the secret chat had started, Ross’s focus began to shift completely: work became irrelevant. The daily catch-ups on project work were replaced by discussions about my work attire. Instead of long emails explaining technical details or implementation guides, I now received short stories describing his sexual dreams and fantasies. For a brief period of time, I enjoyed this kind of attention, something that I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager.

Ross made me realise how much I missed being desired as a woman.

I didn’t need sex-appeal to succeed

It only took a couple of weeks until Ross decided to end things. Although we had agreed to go back to being friends, our work dynamics changed completely. The projects had been piling up on our desks and Ross couldn’t cope. He had always been so eager to work, but suddenly he was the last person in the office and the first one out. Whenever I looked at his screen, he was on Reddit or Amazon. When I tried to talk to him about project work he diverted the conversation quickly.

It slowly dawned on me that my perception of Ross’ abilities as a manager had been heavily biased by the attention and devotion he had shown towards me. I started to question my abilities: “Had I become the cliché? The woman that sleeps her way to the top?” Maybe if his intentions had been clear to me sooner, it would have destroyed all my confidence. But at this point, I had already established a respectable position amongst all my other colleagues.

With Ross’ checking out completely, people started to come solely to me for work. Suddenly I had all the responsibilities and I was determined to rise to the occasion. I realised that I didn’t need Ross’s affirmations to know I was doing a great job. For the first time, I truly stepped out of his shadow. My colleagues welcomed the change, I learned that they had always seen that I did the bulk of the work and in many ways was more capable than I had given myself credit for. And with this increased confidence came the realisation that I could do better.

I interviewed for more senior roles

Up until this point, I had felt scared and sad about having to leave the job. That mindset shifted when I realised that Ross’ was the one who was stuck, I had opportunities. I spiced up my CV and sent it out. Within a few weeks, I had two job offers for roles at a much higher salary.

I still remember the day that I told Ross I was leaving. I felt so happy and free that I struggled to contain my big smile during the meeting. I didn’t want him to fight or negotiate salaries, I just wanted out and away from it all. I wanted to prove myself at a company that appeared to look at my skills in the first place. I left two weeks later.

Even if Ross’ intentions hadn’t been ethical, he had still helped me develop professionally. At the start I had followed his advice blindly, I had improved my skills significantly but the biggest learning came when he ignored me and the work: I had found independence. I realised that I am capable, smart and ambitious and that I didn’t need this sort of attention to succeed. I had my own opinions, approaches and skills and those were the keys to progressing my career.

Would I have taken the job had I known why I was hired?

I have asked myself this question many times. What if I had been more clued up about people like Ross back when I interviewed? What if I had spotted for certain that he was attracted to me from the moment we met? Would I have still taken the job?

The answer to that question is: Back then yes, today maybe not. I still look back and am thankful for my experience working at this company. The work itself and most people I worked with were perfect for what I needed at the time. Today, I am much more confident and interview for all sorts of different companies at the same time. If I feel that it isn’t a great fit or have a funny feeling about the interviewers, I keep looking.

I guess if you get a job offer, you will rarely know for certain what persuaded the interviewers. I doubt anyone would tell you “You got the job because I thought you were hot”, or at least I hope this doesn’t happen. All you have is a gut feeling: Maybe I was just hired to help with the quota? Maybe it was my looks? Maybe they are desperate and no one else wants the job?

But those worries aren’t helping and are irrelevant. An interview is always just a small snapshot of what might be lying ahead, but you can’t know for certain what that road will look like until you start to take it. My advice to anyone doubting why they were hired:

It doesn’t matter why someone hired you. The job is yours now, what matters is knowing that you will succeed because of your skills.

Follow Kara Summers for more honest stories and opinions on women in today’s society and male-dominated industries