Hawks, Healing, and Hope

God’s messenger of hope to me at a time of deep doubt

It began with a hawk here, a hawk there. A red-tailed hawk in a tree, one on a fence, another perched on a post searching for his breakfast. I love animals and nature so it didn’t surprise me that I noticed these beautiful birds as I glanced out the window or drove past them in the course of my daily routines.

I also didn’t think they were a spiritual message to my hurting heart, just simply God’s wonder on display.

Initially, I didn’t connect the legalism I had been bound up in and the doubting of my purpose in God’s plan to the hawk sightings.

I was recovering from an abusive, legalistic church situation, one that had dovetailed on some personal pain and my heart was hurting. I felt picked over, picked at, and raw.

Although not visible to the world, I had wounds everywhere. My heart bled, my emotions were overly sensitive, mentally I was wounded and confused, even my relationship with my husband was bruised and battered from the legalistic expectations we had tried to live under.

Most of all, I felt picked apart in my soul. My identity had been scrutinized and criticized so much I felt like my 9th-grade essay paper returned with red ink everywhere, scratched out and deleted comments, “No, no, no!” scrawled in the margins.

Rejected for all my imperfections, I didn’t see how I could ever fit into God’s purpose.

But the frequent hawk appearances became too numerous and unusual to ignore.

Was God trying to get my attention?

Why, and what did I need to learn from hawks?

Hawks appeared everywhere

Hawks sat patiently in the trees outside my windows. They regularly flew over and in front of my car as I traveled about town. I spotted them on poles and wires and fishing in the marsh behind our house.

One morning, my son called me away from my laundry folding to come to the window, “You’re going to want to see this.” He was right — a hawk perched on the railing of my deck, she peered intensely at me through the living room window. She was so close I could have reached through the window to touch her. I studied her bright feathers and sharp eyes, silently asking, What are you trying to show me?

My favorite sightings of all were when I saw a momma hawk teaching her babies how to fly. This was special because I could show my children the miracle of nature’s ways as the mother bird flew beneath her fledglings, sheltering them from a tragic fall, supporting them with her body as they faltered, and then releasing them into the updraft as they joyfully learned the art of flying.

There were days I spotted nearly a dozen or more hawks! Incredible! Did this happen to other people?

In order to document this amazing spree of hawk sightings, I started a hawk journal

I traveled throughout the state several days a week for work so my driving time became consumed with a game of ‘count the hawks.’ I realized that, as I scanned the trees and sky for hawks, I was leaving the sadness and disappointment behind. I was learning to look up again, and noted this in my journal, “God is teaching me to look up and I will find His leading, His presence, and pleasant surprises.”

My journal quickly filled up. Hawks swooping down from trees snagging snakes, taking off with groundhogs clenched in their talons, making nests, huddled against the rain and wind in nearby trees, perched on top of the exit signs that marked my way.

I even had ‘my’ hawk — the one that landed on my deck became a permanent fixture in my yard, often appearing in the mornings before I left for work and greeting me again as I returned. I drew comfort from her presence as if she were a visible sign to me that God was watching over our family, His protective eyes focused on our well being and overseeing our healing.

Once I watched a hawk soaring through a snowstorm, flapping her wings hard and shaking off the snow. I wrote in my journal, “She fights against the storm. She still wants to soar even in the storm.”

The hawks kept coming and I knew I had to heed their message. I began to research hawks and learned some fascinating facts that renewed my confidence in myself and my place in God’s plan.

Hawk lesson #1

Hawks are raptors and raptors know how to soar. Observing hawks at a park one day I noted how they didn’t strive to fly. There was very little flapping, they found the updrafts in the warm air currents called thermals, and then they gave over to the power of those thermals.

This was comfort for my weary perfectionist soul that had been trying too hard for far too long.

They soared higher than all the other birds. They rose above the cares of day to day existence and they seemed to be in love with life. They dipped and rose again and appeared to have no purpose for this activity other than to enjoy themselves. My journal recalls, “It was a calming reassurance that if hawks can take time to enjoy life then I can too.”

The Holy Spirit is my current. He lifts me from the mundane to heights I could never attain on my own. He keeps me afloat so I can revel in the joy of His presence. Attaining such heights I can see life from a perspective I never would in my own strength.

Perspective changes everything. God was showing me that I didn’t have to strive, that grace would lift my wings and take me places I’d never dreamed.

His grace is sufficient for me to soar.

From my hawk journal: “He has whispered to me that I can soar if I will trust Him enough to take off, relax in His love, and experience the freedom being in His will can bring me.”

Hawk lesson #2

The hawk has an incredibly sharp sense of sight. She doesn’t have to waste time hunting. She sits and waits and then she swoops. She sees small details that point her to her prey. The rustle of grass blades, the tip of a mouse tail, a fish gliding beneath the surface. Her keen eye is a trademark of her talents and how God provides for her and her family. She is also bold, often found perching alongside a busy highway or intersection. She is not intimidated but goes about her business.

My attention to detail and ability to discern quickly were spiritual gifts. I could use them to help others and find my place in God’s will. They were by-products of prophetic gifting, allowing me to see beyond face value and judge rightly when encountering false teachers and Pharisees. I could move forward without fear of being duped again. I could discern wisely and boldly protect my family.

Hawk lesson #3:

In the bird world, the males are usually larger and more colorful and therefore stand out. Not so with hawks! The female is the larger one and presents with the brightest tail feathers and strong features. She is a skilled hunter and when in full flight commands attention.

Since becoming a believer in my early 20s I had taken a lot of riddling and criticism for not acting like the traditional Christian woman and wife. One pastor chided me for not “fitting the mold” that he said all “good Christian women” should fit.

I am strong-willed, outspoken, bold and confident, the talker in the family, and the one who tends to take charge. My husband is laid back, non-confrontational, and for many years was heavily burdened with pain and depression, so much of the decision making for the family fell solely on me. That left me wide open for scrutiny from church leaders and a form of spiritual bullying that only served to result in resentment toward my husband and condemnation in my heart.

Was God showing me that it was okay to be me, to take the lead when necessary and to help my family even if it looked to small-minded Pharisees that I was drawing more attention than my husband? What a burden lifted!

God doesn’t have molds. He creates each one of us as individuals, hand-crafted masterpieces and if we allow Him, He will show us how our gifts and strengths are best used to help others and glorify Him.

And then something even more remarkable happened

I began to see pairs of hawks, flying together and sitting shoulder to shoulder in the trees. I took this as a sign my marriage would be strengthened.

That while, yes, I was a hawk, I was also given a companion to soar with through this life.

My husband had just received a new job and we were relocating to a new city. It felt like a chance to start over, to leave the pain behind, and to dedicate ourselves to each other again. From my hawk journal: “I will soar like a hawk but He has also given me a partner to soar with, to hunt with, to nest with, and to sit with.”

The hawk sightings went on for several months and then it seemed I just became like any other person only spotting a hawk here or a hawk there. What I needed to learn had been learned.

I’d never look at a hawk the same way again and my heart still leaps when I see one. Some may question if those hawk sightings were orchestrated by God or if I was just tuned into them as a nature lover. I guess it doesn’t matter, what matters is that in the ordinary I found a holy God who never left me doubting about His love for me.

This story is published in Koinonia — stories by Christians to encourage, entertain, and empower you in your faith, food, fitness, family and fun.

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