Having Boudoir Photos Done Changed Me

Why I believe every woman should undress in front of the camera

I can’t remember which of my friends first showed me a gorgeous photo of herself in her underwear. Sometime in the season of my marriage’s demise, boudoir photos became popular. I was curious, especially given the rave reviews I heard about the experience.

I made a lot of excuses for why I wasn’t taking the plunge. It was too expensive. I couldn’t justify spending that amount on myself when there were other expenses. I didn’t have anything to wear. I didn’t know where I would get them done, as my house was small and cluttered.

And most of all, I was too fat.

Maybe one day when I lose some weight, I thought. When I reach my goal, when I look more like the other women I’d seen in the photos.

Then, my life was completely flipped upside down. My marriage deteriorated, then ended. I started to become the me I am outside of ‘us,’ and the worth I applied to myself and my body changed. I discovered the power of the sexy selfie, and it fueled my curiosity about having beautiful, professional images of this newly discovered side of myself. I found the body positive community and for the first time in my life considered the idea that fat and sexy weren’t mutually exclusive.

Eight months after I moved out of my home with my kids, the opportunity to join a Rock Your Body party fell into my lap. Five or six women I adored in one location for mini-boudoir sessions and a day of cocktails, pampering and bonding. I had just been handed almost the exact amount for the photo shoot from a wedding I photographed, and I told the other ladies I was in.

Three days before the shoot, I panicked.

How could I justify spending the money on something that was truly only for myself? How could I go through with it when I could potentially get that money back and spend it on something more responsible?

I posted in the group and said I didn’t think I could do it. My friends held me up. They rallied around me and told me that I was deserving of something for me. They knew how much I had been looking forward to it and how incredibly difficult the last few years had been for me. One offered to pay for my hair. Another offered to watch the kids so I wouldn’t have to pay a sitter. Still, another offered to cover my makeup as long as I promised to go, let go, and have a good time. I had no idea yet of the gift they were giving me, only that I was lucky.

A year later, I did a second party at a different friend’s place. I was less nervous, and excited at giving myself this gift. I didn’t doubt that it was worth the money, I knew that it would be an amazing experience. I haven’t been able to manage another since because finances have been tight, but I guarantee you I’ll do many more of these sessions in my lifetime.

I am an absolute believer that every woman should undress in front of the camera.

Every woman deserves to have someone draw out their confidence, that feeling you get on an up day when you look in the mirror and love yourself. Boudoir photos give you a reminder reflected through a professional lens, captured for those times when you need a little outside help to see it.

This is what confidence looks like, what it looks like to be comfortable in your own skin after damn near 20 years of not feeling that way. This is what self-worth looks like, found after being lost for so long I forgot it existed.

Every woman deserves to see their heart and spirit magically brought to life on the outside. Find a photographer who has the magic gift of drawing out that part of you that gets buried under carpools and laundry. Let yourself remember that you are so much more than labels and titles.

This is what single motherhood at 33 years old looks like. Simple moments of beauty, fleeting but worth remembering. Knowing myself is how I am able to know my children and do my best for them.

Every woman should spend an afternoon, even if it’s the only afternoon they get that year, feeling un-fettered joy, feeling pampered, cared for, and lifted up. This isn’t just a photo session, it’s a safe space where you can remember how to let go.

This is what joy looks like, captured like magic in an image. This is what it looks like to be free, to experience moments of letting go so completely that you feel like you’re floating. This is what it looks like when someone gives you that little push that reminds you that you don’t need anyone’s permission to experience unadulterated joy.

Every woman should let their power out, give themselves a chance to embody a power they might not even know they have. So many of us grew up in homes and communities where we were shamed, and our culture is decidedly not sex-positive. There is power in sexuality, there is freedom in letting go of learned shame and expectations.

This is what sexy looks like. This is what beckoning looks like. This is what it looks like to embrace yourself and know that you are worth it.

Every woman deserves a moment to pause, breathe, and release. These quiet, intimate moments are peaceful and warm, and hold the promise of respite. Time slows down when you have nothing to think about, nothing to take care of but yourself.

This is what peacefulness looks like, in those moments when I can capture it. Life happens so fast, all around us, all the time. This is what it looks like when I remember that sometimes I can stop.

Every woman should have the chance to see that there is so much more to all of this than flesh and blood and bones and muscle and fat. If there is one gift I could give to all women, it would be to see themselves from someone else’s eyes, almost always less critical than your own.

This is what smoldering looks like, even at 250 pounds. This is what it looks like when you can let go of stereotypes and cultural stigma and shame and fall in love with yourself. This is what it looks like to realize that there is so much more to it than the skin you live in.

Every woman deserves to hear that even when right now feels impossible, there will always be another moment, another morning. That there is light, there is a future to look to, and that if you take those moments to pause and breathe, you’ll remember that life is sweet.

This is what hope looks like. This is looking out a window into the sunlight because tomorrow will be better than yesterday. In tragedy and sorrow, it’s possible to dig out space for moments of happiness.

Every woman should do something that’s just for them. Sure, maybe your photos will be gifted to your boyfriend or husband or wife. When you finally get in front of that camera though? You’ll see how much this is for you at least as much as it’s for them.

This is what it looked like when, for the first time in forever, I did something just for me. This is honesty. This is me, I see myself so clearly, I see strength and love, passion. I see resolve. I see a future.

Every woman deserves to be told they are gorgeous, and to see what beauty looks like on their frame. To stop comparing themselves to everyone else, and to be startled into the reality that they are just as worthy.

This is what beauty looks like. Yes, outward beauty, enhanced by hair and makeup and gorgeous natural light. It’s also what inner beauty looks like. Comfort. Peace. Happiness. Strength. Love. Even years later, these images can transport me back to those moments of feeling so incredibly blessed to be where I was. This is being told you are beautiful, inside and out, and finally really believing it.

It’s so easy to just keep going. We run from one thing to the next, schedules and soccer games, work and chores, doctor appointments and social commitments. We forget that we are not just here to take care of other people, we are also here to take care of ourselves.

Almost all of the women I know who have done boudoir shoots have raved about what a game changer it was. Seeing themselves through someone else’s eyes changed everything. It affected their relationships. Their partners saw a difference in them. Most of all, they saw a difference in themselves.

I didn’t have quite that experience. With the end of my crumbling marriage, I had already done a lot of work looking at myself, giving myself my power back, gaining confidence.

Still, these photos mean the world to me.

I see myself, so purely, so clearly. It wasn’t only about the physical, but about valuing myself enough to give myself a gift that I really wanted. I’ve never had my hair or makeup done, not even for my wedding. I have rarely had professional photos taken of me, and never by someone as talented as Tiffany. Never just for me, and not for school or work or with one of my kids. And it was so worth it.