Having Acne Has Destroyed My Confidence
My Journey To Self Love… Or Not
Studies have found that 54% of women and 40% of men older than 25 years have suffered from acne.
As an adult suffering from acne, here is a glimpse of people’s unwarranted remarks I have had the pleasure of dealing with.
“You wear too much make-up. That’s the cause of your acne.” “You need to wash your face more.” “You’re not taking care of your skin well enough.” “When are you going to see a skin specialist?” “Are you going to eat that chocolate? Your skin won’t thank you for it.” “I never get acne. I wash my face every morning and night. Just do what I do.”
And my personal favourite at the ripe age of 14…
“You’re lying. There is no way you haven’t gotten your period already with all those pimples on your face.”
AS A TEENAGER
I suffered from your typical teenage acne. I recall gaining one mammoth sized cystic pimple on my nose. I looked like Rudolph the red nose reindeer.
I often covered my face with pink shaded Maybelline mousse powder. A horrendous look I might add.
I recall the banning of make-up at my high school. This terrified me. The thought of showcasing my bare, inflamed acne for all my peers to see gave me great anxiety — as such, I continued to cover my face with foundation.
A fond memory of mine was lining up for roll call. My gym teacher took turns inspecting all the girls’ faces. She carried wipes and forced each girl to wipe off their makeup. When she inspected my face, she saw my horrible attempt at covering my acne with makeup.
My gym teacher let me go and carried on.
Bless her.
In my late teens, I truly believed that my acne would eventually subside — that my suffering was temporary. Wrong.
ADULTHOOD
My acne has been relentless.
I have cried. I have cancelled plans. I have called in sick to work.
On bad days, I struggle with eye contact. I have not left home with a bare face for years. YEARS. Onwards from 15 years of age, I have not set foot in society without makeup. Makeup is my comfort.
When collecting Uber eats orders from my front door, I cover my acne. When running a 10 minute errand at the supermarket, I cover my acne. When going to the gym, I cover my acne. When stepping foot outside of the house, no matter the duration…
…I. Cover. My. Acne.
It is debilitating. It is depressing. It is exhausting.
But it is my reality.
Sadly, I have made an active choice to keep living in this manner.
I have even declined proposals to attend overnight trips, in sheer fear of my peers seeing my bare skin. As an adult, my acne has been a monumental contributor to my debilitating self-esteem.
DATING WITH ACNE
Don’t get me started.
The impact of acne and how it has affected my dating life is quite depressing to think about. Acne is a confidence killer. On a recent date I attended, I woke up with new cystic spots on my chin. I decided to break my own cycle and attend this date, despite being overridden with feelings of anxiousness and fear of judgement.
During our conversation, I saw him glance at my acne. Multiple times. I could not help but study his clear, acne-free face and wonder, to what extent was he judging my acne?
I recall walking over to our meeting spot, a small local café. He situated himself on a table, which neighboured the sunlight and large beaming reflected windows. An instant feeling of angst and devastation overrode me.
It was the worst possible seating arrangement and lightning for my acne, as most of my inflamed and cystic spots, were located on the left half of my face.
I know. It sounds utterly ridiculous.
Who walks into a date feeling insecure about the seating arrangement due to mere lighting? …Acne sufferers do.
Will It Get Better?
Call me conceited, but I often find myself thinking… “If only I had clear skin, I would be semi-pretty.”
Emphasis on the “semi”.
Before writing this submission, I planned to detail tips and tricks of tackling acne-related insecurities. However, whilst writing, I gradually came to the realisation that I have not practised what I would have otherwise been preaching.
I have not combatted my insecurities until I am willing to set foot out of my front doorstep and be face makeup-free.
The day I refuse to let acne consume me, is the day I will return to this article and outline how I have stopped using the term “acne” and “life barrier” synonymously.
What You Can Do
In essence, if you have a loved one who suffers from acne, please refrain from sharing any unsolicited advice on how to better take care of their skin.
Refrain from pointing out their acne, and PLEASE… refrain from asking questions pertaining to their acne. If you already knew to do this, you are one of the good ones and I thank you.
Lovely Medium readers, if you too are experiencing the rollercoaster of emotions from having acne, please be kind to yourself.
From one acne sufferer to another… let’s not be too harsh on ourselves.
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