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way we know her in-real-life friends.You see, we’re the kind of parents who do meet our daughter’s friends, and most of their parents, too.But these online friends, who are they? Who are their parents? Why are they texting with my daughter until 3 AM? (Oh yes.)Are they children whose parents are struggling as much as we are in keeping up with the technology?Are they adults posing as children?Should I hop on my daughter’s account and confront them? (No.)I feel so powerless. What can I do?A couple of days ago, while I was walking, I had a thought — why am I treating her online friends any differently than I would her in-real-life friends? If she had made new friends at the park or the library or anywhere, I would want to meet them. I would encourage her to invite them over for an afternoon of play.That’s what needs to happen with these online friends!I talked with her dad and he’s 100% on board with this so we had a meeting with our daughter. And she’s not having it.“You just want me to lose my friends!” (No, we don’t. We want you to be safe.)“You’re going to grill my friends with questions!” (No, we just want to have a chat.)What we really want is to have a chat with their parents. To set some boundaries about the relationship that we all agree are safe and healthy.We left it up to her to message her friends to let them know that we, her parents, would like to meet them, her friends, and their parents.It took the better part of the day, but we’ve just finished the first zoom chat with one of our daughter’s online friends and her dad.Lovely

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folks. All five of us chatted, found some common ground, and established some boundaries for going forward. We exchanged phone numbers in case something should come up, but we don’t expect it will.The girls are now chatting and giggling as tweens do in their first face-to-face chat rather than texting into the wee hours of the night.Shine a light on what’s hiding in the dark and see how it reacts.I don’t expect all the chats to go this well, but that’s the point. The ones that don’t go well, if there are any, are the ones that are unsafe and unhealthy. They will provide the content of the next conversation with our daughter about online relationships which so far have all been theoretical.So parents who are feeling powerless, your challenge, if you should choose to accept it, is to meet your children’s online friends.If we parents are all meeting our children’s online friends, the bad guys won’t be able to hide there anymore. We will have taken away the darkness they are hiding in.Yes, your children will be angry with you. For about 10 minutes. Then they will feel loved and safe. They will see you are on their side.You are bigger than their anger.Today is the day. Carpe diem.Treat your children’s online friends with the same courtesy and respect you would their in-real-life friends. Invite them into your home to hang out. Have a chat and play a game with them. Meet their parents, too.Previous article: <a href="https://readmedium.com/homeschooling-what-about-the-social-aspect-72593fff323?sk=3e069184d45b11bf677b4aa301fd4a02">Homeschooling: “What about the social aspect?”</a></article></body>

Meeting My Daughter’s Online Friends

We can treat online friends the same way we treat in-real-life friends and shine a light into the darkness.

Child-rearing now is 1000x harder now than it was just 10 years ago. And yes, it is because of the accessibility of screen technology and all the stuff that comes with it.

How do I know? Because I have raised children on either side of the technological leap forward.

My older daughters were born in 1997 and 1999, making them 25 and 23 yo now. While my youngest daughter was born in 2010 which makes her just 12 yo.

The older two came of age just as cell phones were getting started. The flip phone was all the rage when the oldest was 12 yo, the age her youngest sister is now.

There was no TikTok, Discord, What’sApp, or Instagram. At least not on the flip phone.

Desktop computers filled the desktop with a tower CPU, CRT monitor, keyboard, and mouse all wired together.

Heck, I was still getting DVDs in the mail from Netflix!! And that was cool!

It is different now, and it’s not my youngest daughter’s fault that it’s different. I have to grow and adapt. And I’ll admit, I’ve been slow on the uptake.

The technology got ahead of me (and her dad), and especially with the extensive lockdowns we had here in Victoria, she has made a lot of online friends. Some we’re not completely comfortable with.

We’re not comfortable with them because they’re hidden from us. We don’t know them the way we know her in-real-life friends.

You see, we’re the kind of parents who do meet our daughter’s friends, and most of their parents, too.

But these online friends, who are they? Who are their parents? Why are they texting with my daughter until 3 AM? (Oh yes.)

Are they children whose parents are struggling as much as we are in keeping up with the technology?

Are they adults posing as children?

Should I hop on my daughter’s account and confront them? (No.)

I feel so powerless. What can I do?

A couple of days ago, while I was walking, I had a thought — why am I treating her online friends any differently than I would her in-real-life friends? If she had made new friends at the park or the library or anywhere, I would want to meet them. I would encourage her to invite them over for an afternoon of play.

That’s what needs to happen with these online friends!

I talked with her dad and he’s 100% on board with this so we had a meeting with our daughter. And she’s not having it.

“You just want me to lose my friends!” (No, we don’t. We want you to be safe.)

“You’re going to grill my friends with questions!” (No, we just want to have a chat.)

What we really want is to have a chat with their parents. To set some boundaries about the relationship that we all agree are safe and healthy.

We left it up to her to message her friends to let them know that we, her parents, would like to meet them, her friends, and their parents.

It took the better part of the day, but we’ve just finished the first zoom chat with one of our daughter’s online friends and her dad.

Lovely folks. All five of us chatted, found some common ground, and established some boundaries for going forward. We exchanged phone numbers in case something should come up, but we don’t expect it will.

The girls are now chatting and giggling as tweens do in their first face-to-face chat rather than texting into the wee hours of the night.

Shine a light on what’s hiding in the dark and see how it reacts.

I don’t expect all the chats to go this well, but that’s the point. The ones that don’t go well, if there are any, are the ones that are unsafe and unhealthy. They will provide the content of the next conversation with our daughter about online relationships which so far have all been theoretical.

So parents who are feeling powerless, your challenge, if you should choose to accept it, is to meet your children’s online friends.

If we parents are all meeting our children’s online friends, the bad guys won’t be able to hide there anymore. We will have taken away the darkness they are hiding in.

Yes, your children will be angry with you. For about 10 minutes. Then they will feel loved and safe. They will see you are on their side.

You are bigger than their anger.

Today is the day. Carpe diem.

Treat your children’s online friends with the same courtesy and respect you would their in-real-life friends. Invite them into your home to hang out. Have a chat and play a game with them. Meet their parents, too.

Previous article: Homeschooling: “What about the social aspect?”