Have You Ever Wondered What It Would Be like in a Room Full of Homeless Men?

It’s sad and depressing

I Sat in the Library by a Picture Window and Watched as the Traffic Picked up on the Streets Outside. I Checked My Phone, It Was Time to Take the Long, Cold Walk Back to the Homeless Shelter.

I lost a lot of weight, and I ruined my knees

I arrived at the Shelter Early, the Security Person at the Desk Was Cool, He Let Me Sit In the Waiting Area. I Sat and Dozed and Watched as the Other Homeless Men Trickled In. It Was the Same Group Every Night, They Had Been Coming to the Shelter Every Night for Years. There Was the Emaciated Old Guy, I’m Sure He Was Younger than He Looked. He Had Sunken Cheeks and He Was Too Thin, I Wondered If He Was a Junkie and If He Had Aids.

The faces rarely changed, the security staff knew us all by name

The Chubby African-American Arrived, He Sat at His Usual Spot. His Eyes Were Blood-Red from Whatever He Was High on That Evening. He’s Quiet, but I knew that wasn’t Going to Last. It’s Early November, I Had Been on the Streets since Halloween Night. One of My Neighbors Wasn’t Quite Ready to Let It Go. He Wore the Pink Alien Ears Hairband Well into November.

The room was monitored by CCTV

As the Room Filled, It Got Louder, Guys Walked through the Room, “ Lao, Kush, Lao, Kush.” I Didn’t Know If They Were Buying or Selling, but Soon the Noxious Fumes of Marijuana Wafted through the Room.

That night, it was “ Gays in the military, but every night it was something different

As the Room Filled, the Waiting Men Got Louder. The Chubby African-American Guy Couldn’t Contain Himself Any Longer. “ What Are We Going to Do about Gays in the Military?” He Suddenly Yelled as He Looked around Desperately.

Everybody talked to themselves.

The Guy That Was Sitting across from Me was Talking to Himself in a Low Voice. I’m One of the Few Who Was Quietly Sitting. Everyone Else was Talking to Themselves, or Someone Else. It Was Cold Outside. You Would Think That People Would Maintain, but Some Guys Never Learn. A Guy Was Very Drunk. He Was Trying to Start a Fight with Anyone Who Would Throw Down. Two of the Hulking Security Staff Came into the Room and Bodily through the Man into the Streets. “ It’s Going to Be Fifty below Zero, You Dumb Son-Of-A-Bitch,” One of the Security Guys Muttered.

I honestly don’t remember tasting my food

A Silent Signal Went through the Room. We All Stand and Wait for the Dining Room to Open. I Get My Tray and Eat as Fast as I Can. I Never Finished a Tray the Whole Time I Was on the Streets. The Security Guys Started Screaming That the Dining Room Was Closed. I Took My Tray to the Window and Hoped I Still Had a Seat in the Waiting Area. During the Three to Four Hour Wait for a Bed, the Waiting Area Grew So Loud, and the Fumes from Weed So Thick, I Thought I Would Scream.

I learned to suspend judgment

I Watched and Wondered about the Young Guys, They Looked like They Still Should Be in High School. “ What Are They Doing Here?” I Often Wondered. During the Rare Nights I Felt Anything at All, I Felt Bad for the Guys around Me. I Had Built a Fortress around My Heart. A Fortress Olivia Dismantled.

We started talking a few days before I was thrown out

As Olivia and I Got to Know Each Other, I Regained Hope for the Future. I Kept One Foot Planted in the Present Because I Couldn’t Let My Guard Down. I Kept the Other Foot in the Future. Olivia Kept Me from Stepping in Front of the Light-Rail.

God had other plans

At One Time, I Wondered Why Homeless People Stayed in That Life. I Understand Now. I Know I Would Still Be In the System If I Hadn’t Gotten to Know Olivia. I Don’t Know Where I Would Be If God Hadn’t Provided an Out, but I’m Sure It Wouldn’t Be In a Good Place.

Final Thought:

If You Have Ever Wondered When You See a Homeless Person with a Sign, “ Why Don’t They Get a Job?” Volunteer at a Shelter, and Watch Them Closely. You Will Then Understand That the Homeless Are Homeless for a Reason. They Don’t Get Out of That Life Because They Can’t.