Have You Ever Found a Compliment in Words Not Said?

Sometimes a comfortable silence is the biggest compliment of all

We met in our bedroom.

I mean, we met for the first time in the place we both considered our bedroom.

In fact, he slept on top of me.

This isn’t sounding any better, is it? Let me explain.

Back then, it was perfectly normal to have shared gender dorms in the backpacker hostels. I wonder if this is still prevalent today?

Anyway, I was working and traveling my way around New Zealand. I stayed put for a few weeks in Auckland, to save a bit of money before continuing my adventures.

Stefan was a bit older than me. He was moving his life from South Africa to New Zealand. He had a month to bide his time before his girlfriend joined him. They both had jobs to go to, and a home to create.

I was pining for my long-distance romance. Stefan was alone with time on his hands.

I was gregarious, boisterous, and still immature in my ways. He was cool, calm, and modest. His words were carefully crafted with sincerity and humor. There was an air of authentic confidence surrounding him- it was captivating.

We were an unlikely duo. But we formed a close connection.

A few years later, I watched the movie Lost in Translation and thought of him. This movie encapsulated our dynamic perfectly!

What is Lost in Translation about? I hear you ask; well, here is an extract:

“Strangers in a foreign land, the two find escape, distraction and understanding amidst the bright Tokyo lights after a chance meeting in the quiet lull of the hotel bar. They form a bond that is as unlikely as it is heartfelt and meaningful.”

Change Tokyo lights to Auckland lights. Change hotel bar to a hostel dorm, and it’s us.

I would be lying if I said there was no sexual chemistry. But we both guarded loyalty and honesty with ferocious preservation. We were each committed to another. Crossing the friend line wasn’t even an option for either of us.

He had an air of self-assurance I had rarely seen at this stage in my life. But it wasn’t in an arrogant way. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him. And yet, he chose to spend most of his time with me. There was no ulterior motive. We just were.

Until we weren’t.

It was time for me to move on. One of the most challenging aspects of traveling is saying goodbye to new friends. Friends you adhere to almost instantly. This was before social media had taken off. So goodbyes were precisely that.

When I’m in a vibrant traveling tribe jam, I prefer to be the first one to jump ship. Being left in the wake as bodies evacuate in the masses creates a low-energy vacuum. It sends me into a slump with feelings of abandonment.

To this day, I will never forget his words. With one sentence, he injected me with self-worth, an unwavering belief, and empowerment to be myself.

“Let me get our drinks in. A token of my thanks. You have given me far more than I can ever describe these past few weeks. I take my hat off to you for so many reasons.”

I still carry his words, his vibe, and his compassion. He invited me to be myself. He chose to put himself in my company time and again. We didn’t always talk; sometimes, we just were. He taught me that I didn’t have to be a source of constant entertainment for others.

There aren’t many people you can sit in silence with, without feeling the pull to fill it with frivolities.

He gave me both his silence and his words. A privilege I cherish.

This piece is in response to the July “compliments” prompt here at Spread the Ripple.

I would love for everyone to take part.

Specifically, I invite Art Bram, Diana C., and Julie Gaeta to participate in the compliments prompt. Of course, no pressure and only if you wish.

“Compliments

Compliments hold the power to empower. Tell us about a time you have given, or received a compliment. How did this exchange make you feel?”

Subsequent Spread the Ripple prompt pieces are set for the rest of the year as follows:

August — “Rescue”

Those of us who have rescue animals often say they rescued us. Tell us about a time you have been rescued or you have rescued. Feel free to get creative with the term “rescue”. What lessons were learned?

September — “Listen”

Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is to listen. Listen to the universe, our body, our friend, or a stranger. Tell us about a time listening served as an act of kindness.

October — “Forgiveness”

Forgiveness holds the key to the prison gates of our souls. Whether we free ourselves or another, forgiveness is kindness. Tell us about an experience with forgiveness. It may be forgiveness to yourself or another. Perhaps you have received forgiveness.

November — “Time”

Is time our most sparse and precious commodity? Time is the greatest gift of all. Tell us a story of when time and kindness have overlapped.

December — “The Self”

If we spoke to others the way we speak to ourselves, we wouldn’t have many friends left. Are you kind to yourself? Tell us about your self-compassion. What is the kindest thing you have done for yourself?

Come and write with us at Spread the Ripple.

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