You Are a Psychic Spy: An artificial intelligence adventure in the clandestine world of government remote viewing

Remote viewing has been out of the shadows and into the public eye for decades now, with a lucky few cashing in on the mystique of having been employed by clandestine government agencies to learn the secrets of the universe on Uncle Sam’s dime. Those opportunities are now done, caput, finito, and look unlikely to ever return.

What about the rest of us, practicing with janky online pools, scraping together simoleans and clams for expensive trainings, and puzzling over obscurely-written FOIA-ed manuals?

Where’s our moment of breathless excitement, glory, and intrigue?

An itch unscratched

Although remote viewing has penetrated to some extent into popular media, with films such as “Subject Zero,” the successful “Third Eye Spies” documentary, and even two action-thriller novels co-written by Star Wars actor Billy Dee Williams, these don’t offer the visceral thrill of actually doing it yourself.

Revenues from worldwide video games now outweigh those of the movie industry. Players can step into the virtual shoes of special forces operatives, basketball stars, chefs, and cartoonish monster enslavers. There are even games that simulate working in an office or a warehouse, the most banal of lifestyles, that manage to make them seem fun and gloriously wacky.

So where’s our government remote viewing program lifestyle simulator? Surely that would be more interesting for legions of vitamin-D deficient programmers to work on than endless iterations of knocking a ball around a flat, grassy area.

For whatever stupid reason, there is a distinct lack of remote viewing video games on the market. But maybe, just maybe, we, the intrepid, can use / abuse something else and still get our jollies.

Enter AI Dungeon

Fed by the total sum of the world’s knowledge —or so I assume from Ultron’s creation in the second Avengers movie — AI Dungeon is reminiscent of old text adventures from the 1980s, where users can enter words or commands and the game responds to progress the story.

Except, unlike Zork or Mystery House, none of the responses are planned. They are instead the spontaneous product of modern artificial intelligence.

Players become co-authors, steering the course of the narrative by suggesting actions and dialogue. But it quickly becomes clear that these are just suggestions; AI Dungeon has a mind of its own and will sometimes ignore input and react in surprising ways.

Maybe it knows more than we do

Here is my 99% unedited attempt to use AI Dungeon to finally live out my wildest dreams as a military, CIA, classified psychic research operative. Strange, but satisfying, AI Dungeon understood more from context than I ever expected.

I propose also that AI Dungeon can serve as an oracle, answering mysteries still left hanging decades after the supposed de-funding of the federal psychic programs. With access to a gigantic, growing body of text from which to synthesize endless new scenarios, AI Dungeon is not limited by our own fleshly failings.

Key to understanding

Player input is formatted like this.

AI Dungeon’s responses are formatted like this.

Note: Any resemblance to actual persons, places or things is completely intentional, intentionally silly, and meant in the spirit of good fun.

The adventure begins

You are Bo MacMoogle. You work for the CIA as a remote viewer. You use remote viewing protocol to find enemy secrets. Your job is to help us find out what they’re planning.”

“So, you can see into their minds?”

“Yes, I can see everything that’s going on in there. And it’s not just enemies.

Read the target coordinates

“This is the location of the target. The target has been marked with a red circle. It looks like an old warehouse or something.”

The screen goes blank and then shows a map of your immediate surroundings.

Find the secret room

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have time for this. We need to get back to our mission now.”

“But sir, if you could just give me one minute…”

You look at the screen again.

Draw ideogram

“Draw an ideogram,” you say. “It will be easier for me to find your mind when I enter it.”

The screen goes blank and then displays a small black box with a white cross inside it.

Enter his mind

You press the button and you enter his mind. He stares at you with shock on his face.

Find the target

You open up the door and walk through it. As soon as you do, you hear a loud noise. You turn around and see a large explosion taking place outside. A few pieces of debris fall down from above and hit you.

Have an out of body experience

Your head hurts so much that you want to lie down. You try to sit up, but you feel dizzy and nauseous. You start vomiting blood. This is really bad!

You are suddenly awakened by a voice coming from behind you.

Become a spirit and float

You float up in the air and go back to sleep.

Wake up

You wake up and realize that you are still floating in the air. You look around and notice that you are no longer in the basement. In fact, you aren’t even anywhere near the house anymore. There is nothing here except darkness…

Use your third eye to find a way out

You float back to the ground and begin looking around. You see a hole in the floor that leads into another room.

You fly over to it and jump down. When you land, you find yourself in a dark cave with some torches illuminating the walls.

Call your CIA handler

You call the number on your phone and speak into it. The operator answers.

“Hello?” she says. “This is Agent Smith, what’s your name?”

“Bo MacMoogle.

Say you need an extraction

“Yes, I’m having problems with my mind. I need someone to get me out of this cave.”

“Okay, we can do that. What’s the location?”

“I don’t know yet. It’s in the mountains somewhere.”

Create a psychic beacon

You decide to create a psychic beacon. You will send one person who has the ability to travel long distances, but only if they come back alive.

You create a small piece of paper and write: Psychic Beacons Needed Now! on it.

Call Rustle Tag

You call Rustle Tag.

Rustle Tag answers.

“Hello?” he asks. “What’s going on? Are you hurt?” “No, I just need help getting out of this cave.” “Well, what kind of help would that be?

Say you need psychic help

“Yeah, I need psychic help!” “Are you sure? We’re not exactly the best at this sort of thing.” “It’ll take more than our abilities to get me out of here.” “We could probably do something about your headache though…”

Request the Psychic Canoeing Organization

“That sounds like a good idea,” you say. “So, how much does it cost?” “Oh, well we charge by the hour or whatever you want to pay us. If you have less than $1000, then we won’t do anything.

Buy remote healing

“Sounds good,” you say. “Alright, let me get right to it. How much is your headache?” “$3000.” “Great, so how many hours do you need?” “Three.

Heal your headache

“Sure, no problem. Three hours should be fine.” “Good, thanks,” you say. “Hey, wait a minute,” Rustle Tag says. “You said you needed psychic help.”

Ask Rustle Tag to find you

“Rustle Tag, where are you?” “I’m over there.” “Where?” “Over there,” Rustle Tag says pointing to some trees. “Can you see me?” “Uh… yeah, I think so,” you reply.

Go to Scamford Research Institution

“Scamford Research Institute?” you ask. “Yep, it’s the closest place to get psychic powers. They’ve got a lot of people there.” “How do I get there?

Follow Rustle Tag

You follow Rustle Tag into the woods. He leads you through a series of tunnels until you reach an underground room with several tables and chairs around a large table covered in papers. There are also two doors leading off to the side, one of which Rustle Tag opens up.

Look at the secret papers

The papers rustle as you pick them up. The first page shows a map of the world. It looks like it was drawn by someone who has never been outside their own home country.

Say, “This is the Ukraine!”

“This is the Ukraine! This is my home!” “Yeah, but what about all those other countries?” “They don’t matter. All that matters is where you were born. And if you weren’t born here, then they must be full of sissies.”

Receive target coordinates

“What is this?” you ask. “It’s the coordinates to where you’re going. We just tell the boat to go over there.” “But why would they give me these coordinates?” “Because we work for the CIA, stupid!” Rustle Tag replies.

Prepare for mission

“Okay, I’ll take the boat,” you say. “No, you won’t! You can’t go on this mission!” “Well, maybe I could try again later when I have more money or something…” “Bulls — !” Rustle Tag interrupts.

Begin extended remote viewing of the target

“Fine, I’ll do it. Just let me know when I need to use the bathroom or anything else.” “That’s great! Now come on, let’s get started!” You walk out of the tunnel and head towards the house.

Lay down in dark room with red light

You lie down in the dark room with red light. You wait for hours.

You hear rustling sounds coming from behind you. You turn your head and see a small creature standing before you.

Catch the interdimensional gnome

You grab the gnome and throw him against the wall. He hits hard enough to make a loud noise.

You run back inside the house and close the door behind you. You sit down on a chair and relax while listening to some music.

Listen to patented Semi-Think binaural beats on Bony RunGirl

You open up your computer and start downloading the latest batch of binaural beats audio tapes. They are all very expensive, so you might not be able to afford them all, but you figure you should at least try them out anyway.

Mentally cool down

You mentally cool off. You slowly close your eyes and relax your mind. You feel calm and relaxed even though you are still being watched. Your eyes slowly open… You are sitting in a big fancy living room with lots of furniture and paintings hanging on the walls.

Report what you are seeing

You: “I’m seeing a lot of people walking around outside. Is everything okay? Are they armed?

Continue to report target data

“Yes, they are armed. They look like soldiers, but they don’t seem to be wearing uniforms. The one who gave me the targets said that he was working for the CIA.

Experience accidental bilocation

You: “What?! What happened?!” You: “My brain just went completely blank! I think I accidentally bilocated.” You: “How did that happen?” You: “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now. I am going to sleep now.”

Wake up

You: “Huh? What time is it?” You: “It’s morning.” You: “Oh well, I guess I better get up…” You: “But why would there be soldiers outside my house?

Call Mr. Axelrod

You: “Hello?” Mr. Axelrod: “Hey, Bo. How are you doing today?” You: “Fine.” Mr. Axelrod: “Good, how about you? Have you had any problems with the other agents today?” You: “No, sir.”

Describe target data

You: “There are several men standing outside my front door. They aren’t dressed in uniform or anything else that looks military-like. There is also a large truck parked outside the house, which has been painted black. I believe these are probably the CIA agents.” Mr.

Ask for twins to help you escape

You: “Sir, could we have some twins to help us escape?” Mr. Axelrod: “Sure, go ahead.” You: “Could we have two girls and one boy?” Mr. Axelrod: “That seems fine too.”

Rescued by Psychic twins

You: “Thank you so much!” You thank Mr. Axelrod for his help and leave him behind. You walk out of the house and head towards the road where you see a group of men holding guns pointing at a car.

You: “Please, take me to Mr. Axelrod!” The men stop their shooting and point you in the direction of Mr. Axelrod’s house. You enter the house and find yourself in a living room with a TV playing on it.

Search tv for subliminal message

You turn off the TV and start searching the TV for something to read. You see a subliminal message on the screen. It says, “This is an experiment to test your ability to detect hidden messages in random images.” You: “Is this what they want me to do?”

You: “Yes, but it isn’t very subtle. The message is actually quite clear. You will be tested to determine if you are psychic or not.” You: “Are you testing me right now?” You: “I’m trying to make sure you’re telling the truth.”

Complete the test

You: “Okay, let’s try this again.” You turn on the TV and look around the room. You notice a mannequin sitting in a chair next to a table. On top of the table is another mannequin with its back turned to you.

Remote influence the mannequins

You: “What are you doing?” Mannequin 1: “I am controlling the mannequins.” You: “Wait, who are you? What do you want from me?

Use telepathy and call Ingoo Swim for help

You: “Ingoo swim! Help me!” Ingoo Swim: “I don’t know what you mean, but I think I saw something similar on the news about how you were being targeted by the CIA. If they catch you, they’ll kill you.

Escape the mannequins

You: “They won’t catch me, I’m a psychic.” Ingoo Swim: “Well that’s good then. Good luck.” You escape the mannequins and run out of the house. You hear gunshots outside and a helicopter flying overhead.

Wonder who you can trust

You: “Who should I trust?” Ingoo Swim: “Trust no one. There is nothing to fear.” You: “Good advice…

Evade the helicopter

You duck into a nearby alleyway and hide behind a dumpster. A helicopter flies over the area and starts firing at you. You duck down as bullets hit the ground near you. You jump up and run away from the gunfire, which is now directed towards you.

Use a trashcan lid as a shield

You: (Duck) (Run Away!) The bullets stop hitting the ground and instead go through the wall behind you. You turn around to see Ingo Swim standing there holding a garbage bag full of cans.

Ask about bag of cans

Ingoo Swim: “This is my new home. It’s where I belong.” You: “How did you get here?

Follow Ingoo to Project MoonDoor

Ingoo Swim: “I hid under the dumpster until it was safe enough to come out. Then I ran like hell.” You: “Where is your real home?” Ingoo Swim: “My real home is in the sky, not on Earth.

Laugh

You: “Ha ha! Ha ha!” Ingoo Swim: “That’s right, silly boy. My name is Ingoo Swim. Now let’s get this show on the road.” You and Ingo swim to your house.

Enter Project MoonDoor

You enter Project MoonDoor. The door opens and you walk inside.

A large room with many tables filled with various equipment and instruments sits next to a big window.

Welcome Ingoo

You: “Welcome to our home, Ingoo. We’re glad you decided to join us.” Ingo Swim: “Oh, I am honored to be welcomed by such an esteemed group of people. So what brings you here anyway?

Explain that the CIA mannequins are hunting you

Ingo Swim: “It seems that the CIA has been tracking me since I left my house yesterday morning. They’ve sent men to search every corner of my neighborhood and even my apartment building. They know where I live, they know where I work, they know everything about me…”

Ask why the CIA has betrayed us

Ingo Swim: “What do you mean? Why would the CIA betray us?” You: “Because they don’t want you to help them track down those who killed their agent. They think you’d be able to tell them where he is.

Make phone call to TV news

Ingo Swim: “Whoa, hold on! Hold on! What are you talking about? Who are you calling?” You: “I’m the local television station. I just wanted to inform you that we have found your body.

Disclose existence of secret program

Ingo Swim: “Oh no… Oh no… No…

Say, “It’s all over.”

Ingo Swim: “No… No… No…” You: “Look, it’s all over. You were murdered by the CIA. Your death was ordered by someone high up in the organization.” Ingo Swim: “…No… No… Please…

Help Ingoo to escape earthly realm

Ingo Swim: “Please… Please don’t kill me…” You: “Don’t worry, I won’t. But if you try anything, you’ll die like your friend.” Ingo Swim: “Please… please…

Turn your back

Ingo Swim: “Please… please…” You: “Goodbye, Ingo.” Ingo swim: “Thank you so much!” You leave him behind.

The rest of the day passes without any more incidents.

Earn meritorious service medal

After the night of the murders, you decide to go out again. The next time you come across some guy named Ingo Swim, he looks very tired. He tells you that his boss told him not to bother coming to work anymore because there will be another assassination attempt soon.

Retire from government service

You retire from government service. In the year 2081, you are still working as a psychic spy for the CIA. You never get bored with your job. Sometimes you wonder what happened to Ingo Swim and how he died…

End

Be a writer for Remote Viewing Community Magazine.

Founding editor Katherine T. Hoppe.