On Self-Abandonment

Have you abandoned yourself? Find out here.

I was in an old neighborhood last weekend; I was there to meet a friend with whom I would check out a place. While waiting for her arrival, I saw many people roaming the street –going about their days.

I saw the mentally deranged, the homeless, the socially alienated, the proud adulteress, the scantly-dressed grandma, and many more. I wondered how they ended up like that. I asked if it could be due to a misstep or two during the days of their youth.

Or because of bad company? Or their ghetto neighborhood? No answer was satisfactory, no matter how good it was.

That I couldn’t find an answer to explain their current predicament was not as unsettling as the fact that I couldn’t accept the ones I came up with.

My theories are lacking something I knew but can’t name.

My break came during the following week when I was studying perception, I realized I was judging their situation based on their environment ( situational factors) without considering their internal factor.

Even if it is true that their environments and their socioeconomic background put them at a disadvantage, there must have come a point in their lives when they realized that they had to change course or face peril yet chose to do nothing about it.

Why?

I guess it’s because, at that point, they’ve probably given up on themselves due to self-abandonment.

What is Self-Abandonment

Have you seen people fall into destructive habits right after a many unsuccessful trial at major life goals, major loss like death of spouse or even divorce, and major material loss ( Property, capital, e.tc.) They started drinking recklessly, sleeping around without protection, partying needlessly, and abandoning their faith. That is self-abandonment.

Self-abandonment is a form of self-sabotage in which an individual passively or actively rejects their needs, feelings, and values.

At this point, they ignore their emotional needs and sometimes physical needs and subdue themselves through external distractions.

Sometimes, these individuals eat unhealthily, stay indoors, binge-watch movies, or binge-read and keep up an unkempt appearance.

Another way people abandon themselves is by focusing on someone to do everything for them. They put their state of well-being in the hands of another person.

Signs of Self- Abandonment

Signs of self-abandonment in normal individuals can often be subtle but impactful. One standard indicator is the constant need to please others at the expense of personal well-being.

People who struggle with self-abandonment might also find it challenging to establish and assert boundaries, often feeling compelled to follow others’ expectations or guilty when maintaining their needs.

Another sign is a lack of self-reflection; people trapped in the self-abandonment net don’t want to reflect. They would do anything to avoid self-reflection or introspection. They would do anything but look deeply inside them to answer their current predicament.

Recognizing these signs in everyday behavior can be the first step in addressing self-abandonment. It’s important to cultivate self-awareness and compassion to counteract these tendencies and nurture a healthier relationship with oneself.

Shame is the root of Self-abandonment.

Shame can be a significant factor contributing to self-abandonment. Shame is a powerful and often painful emotion associated with feeling fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or unlovable.

When individuals experience shame, they may develop coping mechanisms to protect themselves from the intensity of this emotion, and self-abandonment can be one such coping strategy.

People may engage in self-abandonment to avoid facing the perceived source of shame within themselves. This might involve suppressing authentic emotions, needs, or desires to conform to societal expectations or avoid judgment.

How to Overcome Self- abandonment

Sometimes in life, it is better never to be caught than to be looking for an escape route. So, if you have not been trapped in the pesty net of self-abandonment. Do this whenever you face a challenge, a disappointment, and similar others. First, you must confront yourself and determine where you’re at fault.

Running away never helps, Not yesterday, today, or tomorrow. So face your demon lest it starts to control you.

Once you figure out the part you played in your misery, you can take the necessary actions to fix it, and if it can’t be fixed, you’ve learned another thing about life. It’s pointless brooding over it; move on.

Learn from past mistakes and allow yourself to Thrive.

Overcoming self-abandonment is a journey of self-awareness and compassion. You have to recognize neglectful patterns, prioritize self-care, and seek support.

You must also challenge negative beliefs, celebrate progress, and embrace self-love and authenticity.

Life is hard-ish, so enjoy the admixture of success and failure as they come. Don’t waste any moment regretting any moment of the past.

Do your best and let the Lord of the worlds do the rest. I wish you the courage to try again after every failure, the affection to accept yourself and others despite imperfections, and the hope for a better tomorrow.