HATE TO HELP

Summary

The author challenges the traditional gender roles in household responsibilities, advocating for shared ownership rather than a help-based approach.

Abstract

The article titled "HATE TO HELP" delves into the author's discontent with the societal expectation that women are solely responsible for household chores, while men are praised for merely assisting. The author reflects on personal experiences, including observations of her father's role in the household and the reactions of society, to illustrate the underlying sexism in the concept of men 'helping' with chores. The piece emphasizes that this dynamic places an unfair burden on women and suggests that true equality and feminism are undermined when women are grateful for men's participation in what should be shared responsibilities. The author calls for an end to gender-based division of labor and the glorification of men for doing their part, advocating instead for a collective 'owning up' to household tasks.

Opinions

The author resents the societal praise men receive for performing household chores, which should be a shared responsibility.
The expectation that women handle all domestic duties is seen as an outdated and sexist norm that needs to be abolished.
The article criticizes the use of the word 'help' in the context of household chores, as it implies that the responsibility lies solely with women.
There is a call to action for both men and women to reject traditional gender roles and actively participate in all aspects of home maintenance.
The author believes that the concept of 'help' should be reserved for extraordinary circumstances, not everyday tasks.
The piece suggests that modern relationships should embody true equality, where both partners inherently share responsibilities without fanfare or societal bias.

HATE TO HELP

Should men be helping the women of the house ?

I have come to hate the word ‘HELP’.

After getting married I consciously started to obsess over this word. All my life, I have seen my father 'help' my mother with household chores. I have seen how he is appreciated by the society that he shares my mother’s burden in the home arena. And is even scorned at times by the same society because my mother couldn’t handle it 'all’. Even I have admired my father for being available for the household related chores and offering his services whenever needed. It is only recently that I have started to ponder over the implication of the word 'HELP’. How conveniently it puts the onus of all the responsibilities on the female of the household and the male counterpart is put on a pedestal when he offers to 'help' around. The other day, a couple visited us, around late 20s, modern, liberal, newly married. We laughed, shared stories about our recent weddings, had a few drinks. That night, I just could not get over tha fact how a modern-age working woman could not stop gushing about how her husband helps with the household chores. How he does the laundry within 6 hours of being told so. He makes her maggi and chai at times (because that’s what he knows how to make and doesn’t wish to learn more). And she was indeed happy about having married a man who partakes in household chores and reduces her burden. It was a love marriage after-all. Feminism, equality in a relationship, sharing responsibility can all go down the bin.

It aches my heart to see women of my age and time saying things like - at least my husband helps me with X and let’s me do Y. Your, our, my husband shouldn’t be helping us with anything. It is not the female’s responsibility alone to do the household work. They need to be owning it up. It is not okay for the parents to expect that their daughters will cook for him. It is not okay for the in-laws to appreciate the 'help' if the husband cooks for his wife. There need not be any pattern. There need not be chores that divide a man from woman. Not in this day and time.

Help is a word that should only be used for chores that are not yours and you are giving additional assistance to someone. Not to everyday chores that subconsciously you hold the female responsible for. This bigotry needs to stop. You, me and each one of us, irrespective of genders, need to demolish the perpetuation of gender roles, only then real change will begin to happen.

I am done with this word HELP. I want to replace it with an 'OWN IT UP’.