Has Feminism Lost Its Meaning?

The mission and definition no longer seem clear

I recently stumbled upon an opinion piece (and I use that term loosely) in a publication I used to write for that claimed childfree women are partly to blame for the deterioration of society. Yes, seriously — that’s literally the title of the piece.

I was stunned when I read through it. It was one sentence after another of pronatalist propaganda, lazy stereotypes, and that special brand of misogyny that reduces women’s worth and societal roles down to their reproductive potential.

There wasn’t a single fact in the entire piece. No research to back up the claims that childfree women are selfish, or that society is, indeed, deteriorating because of women who don’t want to have kids. The writer’s opinion wasn’t so much that motherhood is awesome and should be pursued by all women, but that women who choose not to become mothers are dangerous, detrimental to society, and can never become a “person of value.” So you know…more unsubstantiated bigotry than opinion.

I think it’s fair to say that if a childfree woman had written the same kind of hateful diatribe about mothers being partly responsible for the (alleged) deterioration of society, this “opinion piece” would never have seen the light of day except on someone’s blog. And if the “childfree” aspect of the story had been replaced by skin color or ability, then it would have been easily recognized as the hate speech that it is.

By now, you’re probably wondering who wrote this, right? Some might be assuming it was a man. But if you don’t have children (whether you are -free or -less), then you know better.

This was written by a woman, of course. A mother. And…a self-proclaimed “proud feminist.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word feminism, lately. In fact, back in April, I did some deep soul-searching trying to see beyond the label. I even attempted to define it:

Feminism means caring enough about other people’s humanity that you commit to correcting the systemic oppression that attempts to diminish that humanity.

Months later, I’m not sure this would even qualify as a definition of feminism. In fact, I’m not sure there is one.

It seems perfectly reasonable, doesn’t it? Feminism is about equality. The same privilege to be whoever you want to be and live your life however you want to live it as those at the top of the hierarchy have. Right?

But maybe that’s not true, at all. Maybe, because of the machinations of the very system feminism was created to upend, this word will never be allowed to truly mean anything. Maybe it will be forever thwarted in its ability to maintain specific standards and values.

Or maybe because humanity is just too diverse, it’s impossible for this word to really represent anything cohesive and precise, at all.

I’ve always been puzzled by the term TERF. It continues to be hotly debated as to whether or not it’s a slur — which, unfortunately, finds us right back at the same problem we have with the word “feminism.” How do we define what a slur is? Even scholars who maintain that a term must meet certain conditions in order to be defined as a slur, and that this one doesn’t, many still define it as hate speech.

But the bigger problem that I see is the oxymoron inherent within. Can you be a feminist if you are only interested in freeing ciswomen from the patriarchy, rather than just upending this false hierarchy altogether? Can you be a feminist if you cannot acknowledge the proven fact that transwomen are subjected to the same system of inequality that ciswomen face, but are victimized by it at least four times as often?

Not so long ago, I didn’t think so.

Today, I find myself surrendering to the fact that anyone can claim a label, even if that label seems to contradict the values that their actions demonstrate.

Yes, you can be a feminist who only cares about expanding the rights of cisgender women within the patriarchal hierarchy, totally missing the point that nothing can be fixed so long as we perpetuate that hierarchy.

Yes, you can be a feminist who is so eager to make sure men know we don’t hate them that it’s #ImWithJohnny all the way, critical analysis and nuance be damned.

Yes, you can be a feminist while writing opinion pieces that reduce women down to their reproductive capacity and spread the misogynistic, pronatalist propaganda that women who don’t have children will never have any worth in functioning, moral societies.

That whole argument that feminism is here to allow women to make any choice they want fell prey to its own idealism and a system hellbent on its extinction. Because, as I’ve come to understand, we also have the right to define this term, how we practice it, and what values we attach to it any way we want.

I have to admit, I feel discouraged. Yet, I want to be careful about experiencing that feeling because the implication that I, one woman, should be able to impose my own definition of feminism onto the movement is dangerous and arrogant, to say the least.

Sure, we all attach our own meaning and values onto words — that’s part of being human. But I fear I might be taking myself too seriously to feel disappointment in how some people choose to use the term feminism.

I can have my opinion, but it’s certainly not for me to decide. And god(dess) knows, if there’s one thing that’s got me just plain emotionally exhausted these days, it’s all the feminists out there telling other feminists how they’re supposed to be feminists.

It’s tempting, isn’t it? And we’ve all done it.

But the older I get, the less I find it lands well. I must hold female abusers 100% accountable for their abusive marriages when they were married to another abuser, and ignore the multiple layers of social inequities that impact the power balance between (and not in her favor) if I want to call myself a feminist? I must suppress my anger and speak politely and gently with a smile when talking to men in order to show that feminism isn’t the same as misandry if I want to call myself a feminist? I must support all women’s voices, including those who claim that the childfree and childless are destroying society if I want to call myself a feminist?

Honestly, I don’t know where all these standards and checklists came from, but I can’t get behind it. Which means I must accept that I call myself a feminist for very different reasons than other people call themselves a feminist. That our values might be total opposites.

In light of all this, what does feminism even mean? Does it have any meaning, at all?

I don’t know anymore. I feel it wouldn’t be feminist to say that the writer who penned the opinion piece about childfree women being one of the causes of the deterioration of society isn’t really a feminist. And yet, I cannot, in good conscious, support her or anything she said in a propaganda piece that hurts an entire demographic of already marginalized people. And that, ironically, means I’m not really a feminist, right?

Well, I tried, folks. And I’m still trying.

I never was much attached to the label. I use it because it’s convenient. Yet I can’t help but think that it is ultimately failing us.

I think it’s too soon to retire it, but in the meantime, we’ll have to find our way through this tricky landscape as best we can. We each have our own values and in the end, that’s all we can use to guide us.

The label, after all, is turning out not to mean much. It’s always been our actions that will show the world who we are.

© Yael Wolfe 2022

Yael Wolfe is a writer, photographer, and creator of Howl. You can find more of her work at yaelwolfe.com.

Check out the response to the opinion piece by Ali Hall here. And here’s more on the F word: