Harder to Forget : A Romance on the Brink of Disaster
Novella Excerpt #2 — The Hurt
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The Hurt
A sick feeling developed in the pit of Gina’s stomach as she stared in horror, at what was on the dining room wall. The huge letters B.I.T.C.H. were scrawled there on full display. They appeared to be written in lipstick, presumably taken from the dresser in the bedroom.
Slumping to the ground in tears, Gina felt devastated. In spite of all their arguing, Richard had never used words like that about her; not in any fashion shape or form. For a few seconds she remained in shock, then started sobbing uncontrollably. Eventually, she forced herself to get it together. She stood up and glared at the hideous word that seemed to be shouting at her from the wall.
He had used her favorite mauve colored lipstick; the one he knew she liked the best. She figured that was probably his way of pissing her off even more.
Gina couldn’t stop staring at the wall. It was like a train wreck you couldn’t look away from. She just couldn’t believe he could ever be so disrespectful to her like that? It cut like a knife.
“Why Richard? Why?” Her heart was aching, and all she wanted to do was get into bed, crawl into a ball and die.
But staying there right now was definitely not an option. Not only was the apartment too stifling from the heat, but the writing on the wall began to suffocate her. Gina knew she had to get out of there, but quick.
She scooped up the washcloth, still laying on the floor, and went into the kitchen to wet it again, then she laid it on the back of her neck to help her cool off.
Grabbing the last bottled water from the frig, she checked for her keys before locking the door, and returning to the park.
Later on, when Richard finally popped up at the park, he found Gina sitting on the boulder, where he figured she’d be. She had spent half the day there, grappling with how to get past the morning’s events.
Settling their differences and making up in the park had become a thing for Gina and Richard. That’s why Richard assumed this would be no different from the other times. At first, from all appearances, it wasn’t any different. But as the future would show, this time was definitely not the same.
He scanned her face, trying to take his cue on how to proceed from her expression. It was hard to read the mixture of hurt, confusion, and disbelief she was wearing.
He’d already been back to the apartment and saw the last bottle of water missing, so he knew Gina had returned and left again. He was certain she had seen the writing on the wall. There was no way she could have possibly missed it.
This time, Richard didn’t dare get on the defensive, nor did he try to justify the situation because she walked out on him. Instead, he jumped straight to the apology, sensing that maybe he had gone too far.
“Baby, baby, baby. I’m soooo sorry. I’m an idiot! You know I love you. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes. Please believe me baby…”
Gina was too numb to speak. She listened to him prattling on, and giving the same familiar platitudes, imitating words of apology. When he was done, she even submitted to the obligatory make-up kiss and hug; the hug that always felt so intense and used to seem so genuine.
But today, all Gina could do was doubt the sincerity of it all. With that awful five letter word still burned into her brain, how could she believe the words he was uttering now? But she was too hurt to show him how much it mattered, and too sad and exhausted to fight.
She allowed herself to go through the motions of making up, because for the moment, she couldn’t think of a better alternative. If this really was the breaking point for their marriage, she’d have to make that decision with a clear head. Right now, she had anything but a clear head.
Presumption and denial made Richard believe he had fixed things with his apology and everything was okay. When they walked home, he instinctively took her hand in his, then tried not to notice how limp it felt while he held it.
Gina was quiet; silently dreading the thought of walking into the house again. He must have been reading her mind when he spoke up and made a suggestion to her.
“Hey baby, let me go on ahead of you, so I can go to the house and clean things up a bit. Maybe you can go over to Shelia’s for a while, but don’t be — “
He caught himself, and suddenly stopped talking. She knew exactly what he was about to say. Don’t be over there spreading our business. He said it every time she went to visit her friend who just lived a block away.
Gina gave him a dirty look, but still didn’t say anything, but that didn’t stop the screaming in her head from responding. After the horrible, degrading thing you did to me, why in the hell would I want to share something like that with somebody?
Richard stammered and tried to correct what he had almost said. “Uh, I was just gonna’ say don’t be worried about the mess at home baby. I’ll get it cleaned up, okay?”
By then, they were approaching Shelia’s block, so he gave Gina a peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you in about half an hour, alright?” He hurried off without waiting for an answer, and Gina continued to Shelia’s, house. She had no desire whatsoever, to be there while Richard completed his embarrassing task.
When Sheila opened the door and saw Gina, she was thrilled for the unexpected company. Ironically, Gina never got a chance to talk about what Richard had done, even if she had wanted to. Shelia spent the whole time, chattering away, and complaining about her own relationship problems.
Shelia and her husband had been married for ten years, and she suspected him of cheating on her for the second time. Although Gina could care less at that very moment, her friend insisted on giving her all the gory details.
Forty minutes later when Gina finally got up to leave, she was almost happy to be getting away from the woman. Then she walked into her own house, and that glimmer of happiness was suddenly gone.
She heard Richard in the bathroom running water, so she forced herself to go look at the wall, and instantly her heart sank. It was still there; most of it anyway.
Richard came out of the bathroom, drying his hands on a towel and looking pleased with himself.
“Hey sweetheart. I cleaned everything up, and ran you a cool bath. Why don’t you go get in and relax, while I go down the street to get us some burgers Then you won’t have to cook anything.”
Gina could see that Richard seemed to believe everything was fine. But all she knew was that in spite of his efforts, that awful word was still visible on the wall, or at least a shadow of the word still remained.
She wasn’t clear on what he had used to try and get the wall clean, because she never asked him. It was obvious that either he really couldn’t see the remnants of the writing still there, or he was in denial. Either way, Gina couldn’t bring herself to speak about it, and apparently, neither could Richard.
When they went to bed, she let him hold her in his arms, not because she wanted to, but because it was easier than fighting.
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DEAR READER: The advice and opinions I shared in this story are not taken from a text book, nor do I profess to be an expert. I only aim to share how I handled the situation when this happened to me, OR how I feel about it if it were to ever happen. The views I express are part of the many life lessons I discovered on my journey to self improvement.
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