Happy Wife, Happy Life Is Real, Man
…It just doesn’t mean a happy husband isn’t equally important.
I am always fascinated when I observe the following dynamic.
A man’s wife will ask him for his input on something. He defers to her preference, elbows his male friend, and quips, “Happy wife, happy life, right?”
The guy’s friend may shake his head in disagreement, or nod fervently because he gets it.
His wife may role her eyes in annoyance at his self-deception, or feel butterflies spinning happily in her stomach because she loves her man so much.
His wife’s friend may snarl to herself in resentment that her own husband couldn’t care less about her happiness, or she may swoon a bit in happiness for her friend and hopes for her own future.
You, dear reader, may be thinking to yourself “But what about the husband’s happiness???,” or you may have already scrolled down to the share button to pass on the #truth as quickly as you can.
Wherever you land in that spectrum, it just is what it is — the truth* — as per the following 5 reasons:
1. Happy doesn’t mean spoiled, indulged, pampered or emasculating.
It means happy. Content. Treated with respect. Honored. Fulfilled. Cherished. Admired. Adored. If all of that seems like too much work for you in relation to your spouse, you may have bigger fish to fry in your next therapy session.
2. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, which implies a division of labor.
A grudging heave of the shoulders from either husband or wife translates to building resentments on the part of the other. Any healthy marriage needs give and take. The share of responsibilities won’t be equal at all times, but over the course of your lifetime together it should all be balancing out.
3. We see memes everywhere asserting you must be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else…
BUT, it is pretty damn hard to be happy when you are with someone who is miserable. Or, when you are with someone who couldn’t care less if you are happy yourself. That is a brutally lonely life to lead. I don’t recommend it to anyone.
4. Happy parents make for happier children.
Children learn as much, if not more, from observing their parents treatment of each other as they do from the lessons they are taught about morals, ethics and relationships by their parents or anyone else. Children raised in homes with one or more unhappy parent can and do thrive in their own adult lives, but it seems reasonable to want to better their odds for success and fulfillment — as well as the odds that you will be unleashing decent human beings who care for and respect others into the world once they reach adulthood — whenever that is possible.
5. Making someone else happy makes the people who do it feel happy too.
Unless that person has a severe personality disorder. Even then, this likely applies to the people they feel safe with. Neither you nor anyone else can literally transform someone’s natural disposition, but when you warm your love on a cold day or toss her a surprise love note out of the blue, just try and tell me you don’t feel even a slight lift in your own self-esteem.
*Note to potential critics: Please understand. I am not talking about happiness as opposed to clinically depressed, anxious, going through an understandably difficult ordeal, or the like.
None of the above may come bursting through the realm of scientific discovery. What can be a real epiphany bringer is to take that information and try using it to inform your relationship decisions and standards.
Before you commit to a new relationship, become engaged, or get married, ask yourself these questions:
- “Do I want to make her happy?”
- “Is she a generally happy person?”
- “Does thinking of something that will cheer her up on a tough day feel like work?”
- “Would I bother trying to do something for no reason other than the gift of seeing her smile?”
And then, just as crucially:
- “Does it seem like she appreciates the efforts I make?”
- “Does she make these kind of efforts on behalf of my happiness as well?”
If you are already married, go ahead and ask yourself the same the same questions. If the answers are yes, check in with yourself to see if you have been acting on those desires. If you haven’t been, get moving!!
You might also like:
—
The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
—
About Arianna Jeret
Arianna Jeret is a Mediator & CDC Certified Divorce Coach, passionate about sharing lessons learned from divorce to help others build more fulfilling lives grounded in strength and optimism. To contact her regarding coaching, mediation, interviews and/or public speaking, she can be reached at [email protected] or via her website at www.ariannajeret.com and podcast, The Greater Dater.