Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day, Especially To Those Of Us Who Are Unappreciated By Our Spouses.

I didn’t expect to receive a happy military spouse appreciation text or gift from my husband today because I’m used to him not acknowledging special days, or showing me that he appreciates me. He has already forgotten my birthday and our anniversary — our first date and wedding anniversary. I never imagined our marriage/love life would feel so empty, dull, boring and filled with problems that should be easy to mend. Sometimes, I want to keep praying that we’ll figure things out, and other days I ask myself why bother if I’m the only one trying. My husband has never been romantic, but he used to be sweet and thoughtful. He used to make me feel special. As I scrolled Facebook today, I watched military spouses be given sweet surprises by their spouses and it made me sad. To be honest, several posts made me cry, but all the posts made me feel envious, jealous and all the other ugly feelings I don’t deserve to feel because I know how much of myself/my life I’ve given up to support my husband. I love my husband. I miss us being the way we were. I’m exhausting being the only person in our marriage voicing how I feel and wanting to fix it. Flowers, candy, cards, and even a car! All throughout my Facebook are my military spouse friends showing and sharing the things their military husband did for them. One husband even had each kid make a special gift for their mom. I love when husbands get the kids involved in showing love to mom. About an hour ago, I logged out of Facebook and deleted the app. I couldn’t keep seeing other people be happy…I feel horrible even saying that because it’s not that I don’t want them to be happy, it’s just that I want to be happy too. I want to feel loved, cared for and appreciated too. That’s all.