Happy 4th of July.

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1962

Abstract

rk, whether it’s in middle management or as glamorous actors. We’re regularly stalked, harassed, and threatened by strangers merely for daring not to smile and accept their empty compliments or to reciprocate any attention they deign to throw our way. Our rapists get off with a slap on the wrist for fear of ruining their glowing, golden futures. We’re killed by our husbands and partners at rates that, according to recent studies, are only on the rise.And this is just for white women. This happens to us at a fraction of what women of color endure.Which takes us to the systemic racism one would think we are proud of in this country. We must be. We practice it religiously. We watch while black men are murdered in broad daylight right in front of us and we do nothing. We enforce no consequences. We make excuses. He must have done something, he should have listened to the cops, he shouldn’t have resisted, he was a criminal anyway, on and on and on. And a black woman killed in her own home while sleeping in her own bed? Who cares? It was an innocent mistake.White people are legalizing marijuana, vaping it, ingesting edibles, creating pills for different moods. It’s a big ol’ party in some states. While black men rot in prison for selling or carrying or thinking of buying miniscule amounts of the same drug. We pay lip service to the vast numbers of wrongly incarcerated men and women while still purchasing from the companies that profit off their backs.I haven’t even gotten to the horrors we’ve committed against the native peoples of this land. What diseases we gave them, how we “gifted” them less and less of their land, how we called them savages and stripped them of their humanity.Do you see my struggle? If I were in a comment argument on any given social media post, I’d be called unpatriotic. And I feel that way. I feel like I’m betraying the sacrifi

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ces made by all of those who came before me. Men and women died so that I could be free. What a spoiled, entitled ingrate I am.It is 2020 and, because of the careless and irresponsible way in which our leadership has handled a pandemic, we aren’t welcome in other countries. We are viewed as a danger. We aren’t the heroes that we thought we were. We are disgraced in the eyes of the world and I am ashamed of us.I want to love my country. I do. I want to wave our flag and declare loudly that I am an American. I want to feel proud of its citizens and confident that they are the most dignified, compassionate, brave, and charitable people on earth.I want this but I can’t have it. Not when such a high percentage of us are marginalized and ignored and oppressed and killed. It’s not right. I believe it’s unAmerican.Recently I had a conversation with someone who tried to educate me on how great I have it here. How, in other countries, I wouldn’t be permitted to show my face or drive or vote. This is the same argument I’ve heard from men I’ve dated. “I could be cheating” or “I could be an abusive alcoholic.” They like to compare themselves to the worst in order to look better rather than aiming to the highest of what they could achieve instead. My answer has always been that I would leave in that case because it’s just unacceptable behavior. And, right now, the United States is behaving unacceptably. We should be looking at how great we can and should be instead of barely rising above the most depraved lows.I want to believe in the American spirit, or what I’ve been told the American spirit is. I want to be the country that people once flocked to and that some still do because they want better lives for themselves. I want better for all of the lives here.We have to do better. We just have to. Humanity demands it of us.</article></body>

On Being a Patriot

I’ve arrived at the point where I hate this holiday and it used to be my favorite. Looking back at my Facebook memories, this was my favorite day of the year. I’d start the day with an icy frappuccino, squee over all of the puppies in the pet parade (and molest them in the park afterward), float the river, BBQ something delicious, and finish off the day with either a fireworks show or the burning of the butte, depending on how the wind felt about it that year.

Back then I was proud that we elected a black man for president and that we finally approved gay marriage. I was mostly happy that it was summer because they’re so short in Central Oregon and I could spend the whole day outside with friends and family and my fellow Americans.

And now I realize how blissfully ignorant I was. I knew that, as a country, we have some serious flaws and I liked to think of us as a giant dysfunctional family. Sure, we have lots of room for improvement, but people made sacrifices for what we have.

Today we have a rapist white supremacist living in the White House. His cronies either fully support him or they did terrible things that they have to hide. In both cases they’re corrupt. His supporters are the basest of the base, full of hate and misguided self-righteousness. Their hatred of POC is on full display with their confederate flags, nooses, flagrant use of the n-word, and carefree attitude towards children in cages.

There is no equality for women. We’re still paid less for the same work, whether it’s in middle management or as glamorous actors. We’re regularly stalked, harassed, and threatened by strangers merely for daring not to smile and accept their empty compliments or to reciprocate any attention they deign to throw our way. Our rapists get off with a slap on the wrist for fear of ruining their glowing, golden futures. We’re killed by our husbands and partners at rates that, according to recent studies, are only on the rise.

And this is just for white women. This happens to us at a fraction of what women of color endure.

Which takes us to the systemic racism one would think we are proud of in this country. We must be. We practice it religiously. We watch while black men are murdered in broad daylight right in front of us and we do nothing. We enforce no consequences. We make excuses. He must have done something, he should have listened to the cops, he shouldn’t have resisted, he was a criminal anyway, on and on and on. And a black woman killed in her own home while sleeping in her own bed? Who cares? It was an innocent mistake.

White people are legalizing marijuana, vaping it, ingesting edibles, creating pills for different moods. It’s a big ol’ party in some states. While black men rot in prison for selling or carrying or thinking of buying miniscule amounts of the same drug. We pay lip service to the vast numbers of wrongly incarcerated men and women while still purchasing from the companies that profit off their backs.

I haven’t even gotten to the horrors we’ve committed against the native peoples of this land. What diseases we gave them, how we “gifted” them less and less of their land, how we called them savages and stripped them of their humanity.

Do you see my struggle? If I were in a comment argument on any given social media post, I’d be called unpatriotic. And I feel that way. I feel like I’m betraying the sacrifices made by all of those who came before me. Men and women died so that I could be free. What a spoiled, entitled ingrate I am.

It is 2020 and, because of the careless and irresponsible way in which our leadership has handled a pandemic, we aren’t welcome in other countries. We are viewed as a danger. We aren’t the heroes that we thought we were. We are disgraced in the eyes of the world and I am ashamed of us.

I want to love my country. I do. I want to wave our flag and declare loudly that I am an American. I want to feel proud of its citizens and confident that they are the most dignified, compassionate, brave, and charitable people on earth.

I want this but I can’t have it. Not when such a high percentage of us are marginalized and ignored and oppressed and killed. It’s not right. I believe it’s unAmerican.

Recently I had a conversation with someone who tried to educate me on how great I have it here. How, in other countries, I wouldn’t be permitted to show my face or drive or vote. This is the same argument I’ve heard from men I’ve dated. “I could be cheating” or “I could be an abusive alcoholic.” They like to compare themselves to the worst in order to look better rather than aiming to the highest of what they could achieve instead. My answer has always been that I would leave in that case because it’s just unacceptable behavior. And, right now, the United States is behaving unacceptably. We should be looking at how great we can and should be instead of barely rising above the most depraved lows.

I want to believe in the American spirit, or what I’ve been told the American spirit is. I want to be the country that people once flocked to and that some still do because they want better lives for themselves. I want better for all of the lives here.

We have to do better. We just have to. Humanity demands it of us.