Happiness is not a reward. It is a state of being

Summary

Happiness is presented as a skill to be cultivated internally rather than a transient state dependent on external factors.

Abstract

The article argues that happiness is not merely a fleeting emotion tied to external events or possessions but a state of being that can be developed over time, much like any other skill. It suggests that our childhood experiences shape our understanding of happiness, often associating it with new and exciting experiences. However, as we age, the novelty of experiences wanes, leading to a misconception that happiness is contingent upon external circumstances. The text encourages readers to view happiness as an internal skill, akin to learning to walk or speak a language, emphasizing that it is a continuous state rather than a sporadic reward. It also acknowledges that the decline in new experiences as we mature contributes to a monotonous life, which many attempt to counteract with material possessions, mistakenly equating happiness with these external acquisitions. The author posits that by recognizing happiness as an inherent part of our existence, we can embrace it as a celebration of life itself, independent of our belongings or circumstances.

Opinions

Happiness is often mistakenly associated with external factors, such as events, possessions, or milestones.
The novelty and frequency of new experiences in childhood contribute to our initial understanding of happiness.
As adults, we tend to experience fewer new experiences, leading to a search for happiness in material possessions.
The societal expectation to appear unsurprised by new experiences contributes to a monotonous life and a skewed perception of happiness.
Happiness should be recognized as a skill that can be developed internally, rather than a reward that is externally bestowed.
The world, including adults, is portrayed as not having figured out the true essence of happiness.
True happiness is an ongoing state of being and a celebration of one's existence, not a temporary visitor brought by external circumstances.

Happiness is not a reward. It is a state of being

Like any other skill, happiness too is something we can work on and get better.

Happiness, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you imagine yourself smiling? Laughing? Driving into the sunset with your lover? or seeing your boss being screamed at by his boss?

Whatever your answer might be, it most likely is tied to one or more external factors deciding whether or not you should be happy.

Why is that?

I like to believe that whatever we are today, from whatever point we see this world around us, is tied to our experiences from when we were little.

Remember how Christmas presents brought you happiness when you were little? When you bought your first car, your first kiss (regardless of how it went).

Your expectation of all those events was that they would make you happy, right? There is nothing wrong with any of those moments because life is full of new experiences when we are little.

And new experiences are exciting, thrilling, and can be life-changing. But there is something we dragged along the way. We kept tying our happiness to external factors while the number of new experiences kept falling as we grew older.

We grew older and kept thinking that our happiness is a prisoner of external circumstances.

We are hardly surprised or taken over by new experiences because as we get older, we see more and more of this world, and let’s be honest, we like to be cool, and acting surprised by something unexpected is just something we dont want to do, we like the “been there done that” life.

Our fall of new experiences has made our lives monotonous, and as a result, we find happiness in holding the latest and greatest materials we can get our hands on.

What we get wrong about happiness is that it is a visitor who only comes along with something shiny and leaves us soon after. We have convinced ourselves that it is almost impossible to be happy without our possessions.

But, it is not our fault. It is no one’s fault, I believe; when we are little, we think adults have it all figured out, but it is quite evident from all the daily events of the world that the world is far from figuring out itself, let alone happiness.

Happiness should be treated as a skill you can develop like you build your muscles in the gym, like you learn to walk when you are little, like you learn how to speak a language.

Happiness is a state of being and not a reward that has to show up on our doors only once in a while. It is not to be confused with denial of other emotions. Happiness is a celebration of your existence. It is not outside of you to catch and conquer. It is inside your heart to realize and come alive.