Happiness is Found on The Other Side of Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodor Roosevelt

One of the main reasons why so many people end up being unhappy in life is because they constantly compare themselves to others.

While we all know that comparison makes no sense, we keep doing it over and over again. We act as if living is a race against others, mostly against people whom we don’t even care about or don’t even know.

And instead of pursuing our passions and designing a life we truly enjoy, we choose to do the things that others do, just to do it better than them.

As humans, we usually choose to play it safe and stick to the rules, to normality, so to say. That’s why most of us compare ourselves to normal people who live normal lives.

Clichés like being married, owning a house, or having kids at the age of 30 still bother many young people even though we’re living in the 21st century.

Comparing yourself to others will allow them to drive your behavior, decisions, and, ultimately, your life. And unless you’re the very best person on the planet, comparison is a highway to unhappiness and misery.

“A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

— Zen Shin

Comparison Leads to Mediocrity

Having idols and people we look up to is great, it’s actually fantastic. Arnold Schwarzenegger, for example, states how important having an idol was for his success in life.

Schwarzenegger admired Reg Park (who was a successful bodybuilder and actor back when Arnold was young) and wanted to become a similar version of him for many years. He saw Park on magazine covers and in movies and wanted to be the exact same. And guess what? He succeeded. He had such a clear picture of what he wanted and an inner fire that made him do anything that was necessary in order to achieve his wild dreams even though everyone around him was talking him out of it.

Most people, however, compare themselves with average, ordinary people. And all that leads to is mediocrity.

The average society will never encourage you to follow your dreams and take risks. Instead, they’ll tell you to play it safe, follow the rules, and do what’s normal.

My grandmother, for example, would prefer me sitting in an office, or a bank, working 9-to-5 as a secretary, rather than living the laptop lifestyle, traveling the world and working from wherever I want. What I’m doing just doesn’t seem to be safe and sustainable to her. And that’s okay because she grew up in a different time with eight siblings she had to take care of, immigrating from Turkey to Austria with no language skills or formal education, and having a way harder life than I have right now.

What’s important is understanding and respecting different opinions but still walking your own path without doubts.

The mass, in any corner of our planet, is average, and comparing yourself with the average will lead to an average life.

The Instagram influencer who posts her fancy green latte macchiato with extra whipped cream, almond milk, and a pinch of unicorn powder is probably not that different than you. She just knows how to take great pictures, but that’s her job. Maybe her relationship sucks, perhaps she even hates her job, maybe she’s super sad deep within but still has to be on Instagram because she has some deals and needs to create content.

What we see in social networks is just an illusion, and most of these guys live an average life, just like the rest of the world.

“Comparison leads to conformity, and conformity quickly leads to mediocrity.”

— Brendon Burchard

Why You Should Really Stop Comparing Yourself

I’ve been a master in comparing myself to others and living to fulfill others’ expectations until I was 20. However, when I stepped into personal development, I came across a number that changed my whole perspective on life. The number is 30,000, and that’s the average amount of days we live on this planet.

When talking about the average lifespan of 70 or even 80 years in western countries, it often seems like a long time we have. 30,000 days, however, doesn’t seem that much, right?

Sometimes, we spend days, weeks, or even months going after things that don’t fulfill us just because we think we should be doing it.

And it’s not easy to let go of all these expectations, but being aware of the fact that my time on this planet is limited to just a few thousand days helped me to be much more aware of how I spend my time. Plus, it helped me stop comparing myself to others and instead focus on creating a reality that I deeply enjoy.

How to Actually Do It

Stopping the comparison game is not easy, and it will probably take some time until you build the confidence and strength to never compare yourself to others again, but these tips will help you to get there step by step:

#1 Be aware of the triggers and start controlling them

Once you understand what precisely makes you feel inferior, you can start taking control over it.

Every time you start comparing yourself, stop for a second, and ask yourself: Why did I start this comparison right now?

Is it because you saw a fit person and would like to have a similar body yourself?

Is it because you believe you should be like them because your partner, mother, or friends expect it?

Is it always the same people who trigger you and lead to less self-worth?

Is it the same platforms that lead to negative feelings? E.g., Instagram?

During the next days, start writing down all these triggers and come up with ways how to minimize them.

Let’s say it’s a few specific people on Instagram whom you follow that often make you feel insecure: What about simply unfollowing them?

If you compare your body to others frequently, what about setting realistic goals and finding ways to get into shape yourself?

Once you know what makes you feel bad, you can start changing it.

#2 Remind yourself that you just see the tip of the iceberg

Unless you’re really close to someone, you just see their outside without understanding the inside. Someone might post bikini photos showing off their body but deep within hate her skin.

We always see the tip of the iceberg, but what truly matters is what lies beneath the surface.

On social media, we all show the very best versions of our lives, far away from what reality really looks like. What matters is the behind-the-scenes of your life.

“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

— Steven Furtick

#3 Practice gratefulness

Being happy is a commitment to yourself, and gratefulness is the most powerful habit to build happiness deep within yourself.

Too often, we forget appreciating everything that we already have and instead focus on all the missing pieces.

My favorite gratefulness practice is writing down three things that I’m thankful for every morning. By doing so, I start the day full of joy and instantly increase my vibration to attract even more greatness.

#4 Turn comparison into inspiration

Comparison can be toxic unless it motivates you to give your best. Sometimes, having an idol, someone who inspires you to go the extra mile and fight for your dreams, can be priceless. Just think of Arnold’s story with Reg Park.

#5 Compare yourself with you

While comparing ourselves with others can lead to misery, comparing our current version with our past version can actually be an enormous motivational driver.

Most of the time, we don’t realize how far we come and which progress we make. Only if we stop in a while and look back can we recognize where we started and how far we’ve come.

#6 Start really small

By comparing ourselves to others, we tend to believe that we should’ve already figured it all out in life. That often leads to frustration, followed by setting big goals and aiming to change our lives quickly.

That’s, however, the surest way to fail in transforming your life.

To create lasting change, you need to take one step at a time. And the smaller you start, the likelier you’ll succeed.

Bottom Line

You probably won’t be able to leave your annoying 9-to-5, go on a world trip, and live the life of your dreams just because you stop comparing yourself to others. However, it’s a great first step and a must-do in order to achieve greatness and a fulfilling life.

We all just have a limited time to spend on this planet. And while none of us know how many days we actually have left, being aware that the average life span in western countries is around 30,000 days is an eye-opener that might help you to let go of others’ expectations, stop comparing yourself with the mediocrity and instead create and live the life of your wildest dreams.

In the history of humanity, it has never been easier to free yourself from expectations and live life on your own terms. Taking the courage to create a reality that fits your desires won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it.

Truly great people don’t compare themselves to the outside world. They are too busy perfecting their own craft and watering their own grass.

Even if the world around you settles for the average, you can always choose to set a higher standard for yourself and live up to your own expectations.

Sleeves up and go.

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