Happiness is a Choice!

Just give yourself permission to be happy!

Everyone strives for happiness, but many people believe it to be a difficult goal to achieve.

In a world teeming with adversity, can we truly claim that happiness is a choice?

I think… No, I truly and deeply believe that happiness is indeed within our grasp, even when faced with life’s most daunting trials.

What’s the psychology behind this concept and its practical implications? I’ll try to shed light on why some people choose to be victims of circumstances and how we can make better choices to foster our own happiness.

The Controversy of Happiness as a Choice

The notion that happiness is a choice is controversial, as it challenges the belief that external factors solely dictate our emotional state. A fascinating experiment reveals that simply stating “happiness is a choice” led to an 8% drop in engagement among readers. But why do some resist this idea?

It often stems from the allure of victimhood, a mindset that absolves individuals of responsibility for their own happiness.

Have you ever heard of the 50–40–10 rule? It’s often cited as a guide to happiness. According to what we now know about what makes people happy, genetics account for 50%, environment for 10%, and mindset for 40%. Specifically, Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book “The How of Happiness” is where this rule first appeared. Many people adhere to this principle, including psychologists. I am not a psychologist, but I totally love it!

I’ll write of those 40%, where we may assume the choice lies, e.g., we can control.

The Comfort of Being a Victim

From childhood, we learn that expressing distress garners attention and assistance from parents, teachers, family, and caregivers. This early conditioning instills a comfort in being the victim—a feeling that life is to blame for our woes. This mindset persists into adulthood for some, who find solace in relinquishing responsibility for their happiness.

How many times have you heard someone say, “I am not happy because you did this?” And they insist that if you did this, it would make them feel really happy?

The 90-Second Window

Harvard neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor unveils a fascinating concept: our bodies react to negative emotions with a physiological response lasting approximately 90 seconds.

Beyond that, it’s our conscious choice to perpetuate these emotions.

Or, as she says, “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”

According to Dr. Taylor’s research, mindfulness—the technique of paying attention to your present-moment experience without judgment—can help emotions go through you more rapidly. That’s fantastic news. Unfortunately, adjusting your reaction to your sensations is more difficult than it appears.

The key lies in seizing the 90-second window to redirect our focus and choose happiness.

Absolute vs. Relative Happiness

It’s crucial to clarify that absolute happiness—a constant state of joy—is unrealistic.

We all have our ups and downs. Extreme life challenges, such as trauma, depression, or chronic pain, make it unfair to expect unwavering happiness.

Instead, maybe we should consider relative happiness—improving our emotional baseline, even when life’s trials push it lower.

Relative happiness refers to a state in which someone’s material or immediate personal desires are met.

While there is no limit to what we can hope for or want, there is always a limit to how much we can have and how long we can keep it.

Happiness that depends on external factors is transitory and inconsistent.

But true happiness is the type that comes from within, the kind that you may experience even while jammed on a stinky, crowded bus or while washing your kitchen floor on your wound knees.

I always choose happiness without denying life’s challenges or expecting perpetual joy.

I am embracing the 90-second window on a daily basis, making incremental improvements, and understanding that happiness, in relative terms, is attainable for all.

A wise choice to choose happiness, even in the darkest moments, can lead to a brighter and more fulfilling life.

In the grand tapestry of existence, the power to choose happiness is a thread we can all weave into our lives, creating a more vibrant and resilient emotional landscape.