Summary

Jenine Bsharah Baines reflects on personal growth and healing after a breakup, finding gratitude and a renewed sense of self through the act of purging past belongings and embracing new experiences.

Abstract

Jenine Bsharah Baines shares her journey of recovery following a difficult breakup, marked by her partner's infidelity. She describes the process of healing as akin to shedding skin, involving the literal and metaphorical purging of items that represent her past life. This cathartic process leads to the construction of a metaphorical cathedral within her, fortified with gratitude and epiphanies. Despite the pain, she finds herself yearning for new, redefined experiences, symbolized by the purchase of new panties and the anticipation of future connections. Baines acknowledges the role of her readers and the broader community in her healing, expressing appreciation for their support and the synchronistic prompt by Trista Signe Ainsworth that aligns with her journey of spiritual refreshment and renewal.

Opinions

The author views the breakup and subsequent healing as an opportunity for profound personal transformation.
Infidelity is portrayed as a significant and painful aspect of the breakup, yet it catalyzes a process of rebirth and self-discovery.
The act of purging past possessions is seen as a therapeutic practice, helping to release the past and embrace the new.
Gratitude is a central theme, with the author expressing deep thankfulness for the support received and the growth achieved.
The author redefines the concept of "hanky-panky" to represent not just improper behavior but also a playful and optimistic approach to new beginnings.
Trust issues are acknowledged as a lingering challenge, indicating that while healing is ongoing, it is not without its complexities.
The author's tone suggests a celebration of resilience and an openness to future joy and compassion, emphasizing the importance of kindness in the process of moving forward.

Sacred gratitude amidst the profane

Hanky-Panky

Purging panties & former selves

The black and white of rebirth. Photo by poet

Hanky-panky: behavior, in particular sexual or legally dubious behavior, considered improper but not seriously so. Oxford Languages

All intercourse with the past — shed like skin from a cadaver albeit more prettily because, while I thought the knifing would kill me

his hanky-panky in her bed

it took back slashed splashing fountains of blood, every mote, every mournful note of ash, dreams, denial in dusty coagulated pyres at rock bottom

for pain’s fingers to reconstruct within my unreinforced perimeters a cathedral

buttressed with gratitude, awash with epiphany, transepts intersecting at an altar built of bullets dodged and chipped seashells.

Knave an unwitting architect of the nave where waves of acceptance lap against pews – light singing pipe organ preludes and passacaglias prompting

an irresistible hankering to get up to some hanky-panky of my own, hanky-panky as reconfigured as I am

spring-leafed, lavender-scented lacy green, a second skin desiring solely to bless all on the path – or not – with beauty, joy, compassion. Kindness, kindness, kindness.

And maybe even one day for one special person a come hither, come closer.

©Jenine Bsharah Baines 2021

As most of you know, I’ve spent the last seven months processing a breakup. Ailing for an array of reasons — it takes two — but dealt a death blow by my Ex partner’s infidelity.

I am well into the healing phase — so many of you to thank for the role you played in this. Lately, part of this process has involved purging.

Literally heaving out of every shelf, drawer, closet any items from my past life that scream “Get rid of me”. The other night, it was my panties’ turn.

“New skin, new panties,” the Muse whispered.

The poet in me needed no further urging.

Nor did the shopaholic. The green hanky-panky pairs are en route.

The next morning, Trista Signe Ainsworth issued a prompt regarding “refreshing our spirit, starting anew” — synchronicity!

Refresh Your Spirit

Thank You Notes #23

medium.com

I am so grateful to be releasing the past — at last! — having fun while doing so, and steadily, optimistically moving forward. (Well, despite lingering trust issues, but that’s a story for another musing.)

Thank you, dearest readers, for getting up to some hanky-panky with me.

jenine