Hacking your brain: 3 tips for overcoming your fear of public speaking
Running from the beast won’t make it disappear. Learning how to tame it will make it your ally.
If you want a quick access to some of my favorite books, lectures, and online courses — skip to the end of the article
The other night I was supposed to speak in front of an audience of over a hundred people at the official launch of a book that a friend of mine wrote earlier this year. Alongside valuable career and self-awareness advice, and the professional transformation stories of 9 other women, the book also features my personal career transformation story.
Confidence — it’s not always what it looks like
I have a reputation for being a confident person. I’ve been on stage since I was 5, doing everything from singing in a choir to performing the lead role in a musical to talking about technical communications and presenting the book that I myself wrote earlier this year.
For the past several years I’ve used my way with words and my charismatic public demeanor to inspire thousands of people to cultivate sustainable healthy habits and to use food as a customizable strategy for optimizing their health.
So, it came as no surprise to me when my friend, the author of the book, invited me to speak at her book launch. And I was flattered, excited, and…terrified.
What the majority of the people who’ve ever seen me talk energetically and passionately with a huge smile on my face or wave my hands up in the air vehemently or perform on stage, or give interviews on live TV, don’t know is that I am absolutely petrified, terrified, and paralyzed by stage fright every single time before I get up on any literal or metaphorical stage.
Confidence is a teachable skill
Being a public speaker and a performer does not come naturally to me. And no matter how much experience I gain, the fear of screwing up and embarrassing myself never goes away. And that’s one of the most natural sensations any human being can experience. Because we all have fears.
I don’t pretend I’m not afraid but instead I navigate my fear, I cherish it, I tame it, so I can eventually channel it into becoming my ally.
What has helped me tremendously to become better at what I do — public speaking, lectures, and presentations, live demonstrations in front of hundreds of people, participating in provocative interviews, and so on, is that I’ve gradually learned how to hack my brain so that I don’t pretend I’m not afraid but instead I navigate my fear, I cherish it, I tame it, so I can eventually channel it into becoming my ally as I set my foot on stage.
The bottom line of hacking your brain to perceive and process fear constructively is to learn how to transform fear from an impediment to an unleasher, from a bug to a feature. Then you’re no longer afraid of being afraid and fear is not something that overwhelms and defines you but rather a predictable and familiar partner that is always by your side and you know how to get the best out of.
1. Change your perspective — don’t do it to perform, do it to serve.
As I was supposed to go up on the stage and share some valuable insights regarding what it takes to drop a well-paid corporate career and dive into the unknown, learning how to navigate the world of entrepreneurship, I was literally shaking.
I wanted to deliver the perfect, well-structured, well-rounded 5-minute speech that would inspire the audience and equip them with valuable tips, self-reflections, lessons learned, and predictable mistakes. But I just couldn’t. My mind was a mess. Just like the transition I underwent was.
Then I remembered that nobody’s there to judge me. Nobody’s there to evaluate the structure of my presentation and my delivery. Audiences go to see and hear people talk and perform because they want to experience something authentic. They care more about your message and about what you have to share than about how many times you stumble or about whether or not you followed the script you had in your mind.
Realizing that you have something of value — experience, skills, knowledge, that can be in service of others, takes off the pressure. And it takes the focus off of you and puts it on the people you’re there to serve.
2. Put it on the table — give your fear the right to exist and watch it dissolve into humility.
You can’t solve a problem you’re not willing to have. You can’t get over your fear of anything if you’re trying to convince yourself you’re not afraid. Unless you acknowledge the enemy lurking behind your back, it’s going to keep trying to stab you from behind and you will have a much harder time actually doing what you’re supposed to do.
What I did as I went up on that stage was that I put it all on the table — I shared how terrified I was and that no experience can prepare you for the next time you get in front of an audience. And the reason for that is because you don’t want to disappoint the people who are there to see and hear you.
Addressing your fear and sharing your vulnerability immediately helps you distance yourself from the sensation of being paralyzed and shows the audience your authenticity and bravery, which in turn makes them respect you even before you’ve said or done anything.
3. Open and close like a champion — come up with 2 sentences that will stick.
Memorizing speeches and presentations has never been my thing. I’ve done it, I’ve delivered successfully in that manner, but it’s always felt disconnected, stiff, and inauthentic. The reason for that sensation is that every audience is alive and every memorized speech is virtually dead. Every audience has unique energy and good performers and public speakers feed off of the energy of the crowd.
Preparing as best as you can so you know what you want to say or do in detail is crucial for any successful performance. But trying to repeat a speech word for word will not impress anybody. People will sense you’re not being present with them and ironically that will make them more critical of your delivery than if you were to make a few mistakes here and there.
No audience will ever remember every single word you say. The majority of people will mostly remember the first and the last things you say.
That’s why just before getting up on stage I decided to use 2 quotes that have changed my life.
One is by contemporary Buddhist teacher — Tara Brach, who in her amazing book Radical Acceptance says that fear is the anticipation of future pain.
The other one is by Mike Tyson’s coach — Cus D’Amato, who says that the hero and the coward both feel the same thing, fear, but it’s what one of them does with that fear that turns him from a coward into a hero.
I used those two sentences to tie my entire speech together, emphasizing that every career transformation is scary and that the only certain thing that a person would experience during such transition is fear.
At least five people came up to me after the event and congratulated me for my inspirational speech and for what I do. None of them knew I had absolutely no idea what I’d say before going on stage, other than those two sentences, which weren’t even mine to begin with.
Learning to use your fear to your advantage is probably among the most useful lifelong skills you can develop. It’s what allows you to embark upon missions and projects and job opportunities and life milestones with humility, authenticity, and vulnerability.
And if you’ve ever come across anything that the remarkable researcher-story teller Brené Brown has ever said or written, you know that vulnerability is the birthplace of courage, innovation, and creativity.
These are some of the most valuable resources I’ve used over the years to learn how to tame my fears and how to work with my insecurities:
Books
- Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
- Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
- The Spark and the Grind by Erik Wahl
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
- Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
Online courses:
Beyond the Basics: Persuasion Principles by the Duarte Academy
TED Talks:
Why comfort will ruin your life
Your personality and your brain
How to quit your life (and reboot)
Playlist with all my favorite inspirational and transformational lectures