avatarOssiana Tepfenhart

Summary

The article discusses the paradoxical behavior of some men in the manosphere who denigrate other men for showing affection or engaging in sexual acts with women, labeling it as "gay," while also exhibiting homoerotic tendencies and an overall anti-female sentiment.

Abstract

The text delves into the contradictory attitudes prevalent among certain men's groups online, particularly those associated with the manosphere. These men often ridicule others for actions such as cunnilingus or being in committed relationships, suggesting these behaviors are not masculine and equating them with homosexuality. The author points out the irony in this stance, given that these same individuals exhibit a form of homoeroticism in their desire for male validation and their reluctance to engage in acts of submission or intimacy with women. The article suggests that this behavior is performative and rooted in a fear of being seen as feminine or weak, which ultimately harms women, gay men, and straight men seeking a healthy identity. It also highlights the influence of manosphere figures like Andrew Tate, who promote an anti-commitment, anti-marriage ideology, and the broader implications of this culture on societal perceptions of masculinity and male-female relationships.

Opinions

  • The author perceives a trend within the manosphere where men who treat women well or engage in certain sexual acts are mocked and labeled as "gay," which is indicative of a deeper homoeroticism and insecurity among these men.
  • There is a strong anti-marriage and anti-commitment sentiment among men in these online communities, which may be influencing men to avoid serious relationships or marriage.
  • The manosphere's rhetoric is seen as a form of misogyny, with men like Andrew Tate encouraging others to avoid relationships and prioritize self-interest over connection with women.
  • The author criticizes the notion that acts such as cunnilingus are considered "gay" by some men, highlighting the absurdity of equating heterosexual sexual acts with homosexuality.
  • The article suggests that modern masculinity, as perpetuated by the manosphere, is defined by being anti-female rather than pro-male, with "manly" men often displaying the most vitriol towards women.
  • The author agrees with feminist writer Marilyn Frye's observation that straight men's culture is homoerotic, as they reserve love and admiration for other men while objectifying women.
  • The text argues that the manosphere's homophobia is damaging to all men, as it shames any form of affection or respect towards women and reinforces toxic stereotypes of masculinity.
  • The author notes that men who subscribe to these ideologies are unlikely to listen to women, preferring to seek validation from other men, and views this as a significant barrier to fostering healthier relationships between men and women.

“Guys…Is It Gay To Like Women?”

Or, why manosphere men make fun of other guys who have happy, loving girlfriends and wives.

Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

Lately, I overheard something wild while I was waiting to meet some friends outside. I heard a guy talking to his guyfriend on the phone. The guy seemed proud of himself.

“Yeah, I fucked her.”

Pause.

“NO! I didn’t eat her pussy! I’m not gay!”

I wish I could say that this is a one-off, but it’s not. It’s a trend I’ve seen time and time again. In fact, it seems to be taking off into the mainstream thanks to the manosphere movement.

Seriously, think about it. Did anyone else notice how many manosphere tirades tend to be centered around men who treat women well? If you take a look online, you’ll see a lot of comments like this:

via Reddit r/AretheStraightsOk

Or, you’ll see men calling other men stupid for…*checks notes* having a girlfriend and being in a committed relationship. I’ve heard so many stories of guys making fun of their married counterparts or having girlfriends, it’s wild.

via Reddit, deleted user

I even remember seeing a clip of one of those manosphere guys earlier on asking his audience how many of them were married. Two raised their hands, and they were quickly shamed for being partnered up. (Wait, wasn’t the manosphere originally dating advice for men?)

I started to notice a very weird trend among the men who shame men for liking women, being around them, and even eating them out. There’s a lot of oddly homoerotic undertones in this behavior.

It’s no secret that there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment among men online.

This is a very common type of rant from the manosphere — and if you notice, a lot of guys seem to resent marriage and women as a whole. Major manosphere influencers like Andrew Tate also encourage men to stay single and avoid relationships altogether.

In the dating scene, this is echoed by men who keep trying to have kids with women without marrying them. (After all, they have to run away because they’re “the prize” or something else buckass stupid, I suppose.)

As a relationship writer who studies the manosphere, I can’t help but notice how the rise of the manosphere also coincides with the anti-marriage, anti-commitment movement from men. It’s almost as if they’re encouraging one another to avoid women.

I can’t help but wonder how many men broke up with decent girlfriends or refused to marry someone because they were encouraged to do so by their “bros.”

This would normally make me assume a case of sour grapes, but when you look at what other men call “gay,” it takes on a homoerotic twist.

One of the weirdest acts of misogyny I’ve ever witnessed is a guy who refused to perform cunnilingus because he thought it was “gay.” It turns out that this wasn’t just a one-off thing, either.

If you watch The Sopranos, then you might remember the entire storyline where Junior was “outed” as liking to eat women out. The guys made fun of him, because apparently, it’s an act of being submissive to a woman…which is somehow “gay.”

How can that be gay? There’s a man and a woman. That’s heterosexual sex. Submission doesn’t mean you’re less of a person. The fact that men often try to equate dominating women and hating them with being straight just strikes me as a matter of protesting too much.

This trend is made even stranger when you hear of men who think that receiving fellatio from another man somehow isn’t gay. Even R&B singer Tank came out as saying “oral sex isn’t gay.”

I uh…guess they don’t need a dictionary. Something tells me these same guys would likely create one of those conspiracy theory-style charts to explain why enjoying vagina is gay.

For all the woman-bashing the manosphere does, it seems awfully performative to me.

We all know that most men can’t stand seeing articles about women being traumatized by experiences with men. The vast majority of men do not stand up against misogyny or find ways to excuse it.

Guys might not like to hear it, but it’s true. I can’t name how many times I had to keep men from derailing conversations with “both sides do it,” or “what did she do to piss him off.”

As my friend Mona Lazar pointed out, modern masculinity tends to be anti-female, not pro-male. Men who other men deem manly tend to be the most hateful and vitriolic against women. Don’t believe me? Look at Sneako and Andrew Tate.

Think about it. How often do you see men openly admitting they love Taylor Swift? How often do you see straight men search for movies that pass the Bechtel test? Or more importantly, how often do you see men befriend women they don’t want to bang — but rather, respect for her own merits?

It’s rare. And that's because too many men think of these actions as “unmanly” or girly. And they can’t be see that way, even if it is the foundation of a healthy mindset.

Feminist writer Marilyn Frye said it best:

“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.

Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”

What’s interesting about this is that it also highlights one of the most toxic traits of the manosphere: homophobia. It’s almost as if forcing yourself to be a man’s man at the cost of your sexuality ends up hurting women, gay men, and straight men who are yearning for a healthy identity.

The same can be said about using the term “gay” as a negative thing — as if you’re less of a person for liking someone. This behavior shames all men, not just the gay ones.

This also explains why men don’t listen to women.

Whether it’s the man who won’t do chores while his wife nags or the men who don’t speak up when they see street harassment doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, women can wax poetic about what they want men to do.

The macho manosphere guys won’t care. In fact, if anything, they may feel emasculated for even listening to a woman. It’s only when they hear those same words from a fellow man that they’ll reconsider things.

After all, it’s men these guys want to impress and adore…not women. For men who think this way, women are (and always will be) objects that validate them in the eyes of other men and objects that are meant to be owned.

Needless to say, I’ll take the “gay” guy who enjoys women, kinky sex, and cunnilingus any day of the week over the manosphere dude who hates himself and women too. Of course, those guys won’t listen to me, anyway.

Well…at least they have each other.

Bep…
Homophobia
Men
Relationships
Psychology
Feminism
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