Guys, Here’s the One Sex Tip You Need

It’s really simple and it makes all the difference

I spend a lot of time looking at Reddit and other forums where people go for sex advice. And I’ve noticed a pattern to the kinds of questions people ask.

Women tend to look for advice on how to be better at sex. They want to know how to pleasure their partners. They want to know how to give a better blowjob or get comfortable with anal. They ask if there are ways they could learn to love deep throating.

Most of the men seeking advice, though, aren’t looking to get better at sex. They’re asking for ways to get their girlfriends or wives to do what they want.

They want to know how to talk her into anal. They want to know why she’s so weird about throat fucking and how to ease her into it. They want to know why she stopped giving head and how to get her to start again.

It’s a shame more of these guys aren’t asking how they could improve in bed. For one thing, judging by a lot of the things I read (and some personal experience), a lot of men aren’t exactly doing a great job at getting their partners off.

It would also be ridiculously easy for them to improve their skills.

If there’s one tip I would give them — one tip I would give anyone who has sex with women — it would be to make sure someone’s always paying attention to the clit.

That’s it. It’s that simple. But it makes a huge difference.

I Need More Than Penetration

When I started getting myself off as a pre-teen, I rubbed myself against stuffed animals.

When I got older and started using my fingers, I would rub my pussy.

When I started buying sex toys, they were vibrators, bullets, and rabbits.

Throughout the years, all my masturbation habits had something in common: they were all focused on my clit.

These days, I’ve started to incorporate more penetration in my self-pleasure. I’ll sometimes finger myself or use a G-spot stimulator to give me some internal stimulation.

But when I finger myself, I’ll rub my palm against my clit. And the G-spot stimulators I use all have a vibrator rabbit attached to them. Even now, the clit is still the star of the show.

That doesn’t mean I don’t like penetration. I love it. I crave it. From the day I lost my virginity to the last time I straddled my husband, I’ve been really into penetrative sex. When I’m with a partner, I don’t just want my clit played with — I want to get fucked, too.

For most of my sex life, though, I’ve had to choose between the two.

The first guys I fucked didn’t really give me an option. They just rolled on a condom and fucked me. If I wanted some action on my clit, I would’ve had to go home and rub one out.

Things got better — much, much better — when I met my husband Jake. He gave my clit plenty of attention. He would rub it to get me going. He would lick it until I came so hard I begged him to stop. He’d also fuck and finger me really well.

Whenever my pants came off in his presence, I’d be guaranteed some clitoral and G-spot orgasms.

I finally had the best of both worlds.

What I didn’t realize is that it could be even better.

Constant Clitoral Stimulation

My sex life hit some turbulence. I struggled through a low libido and a sexless marriage. But I came out the other end stronger.

I’m wiser, more mature, and more in touch with my pleasure than I was before my sex drive died. I’m also trying to make up for lost time — after so many sexless years, I’m not going to fuck around with mediocre sex.

One of the big changes is that I’m giving my clit pride of place. I’m not too embarrassed to rub it while I’m getting fucked, and I’m not too shy to ask Mr. Austin to give it some attention while he’s fucking me.

Not that I have to ask. After he saw how much it got me off, he gladly strokes it whenever he has a hand free.

Sex now involves consistent clitoral stimulation. I don’t have to alternate between clitoral and G-spot orgasms. Instead, I get to enjoy plenty of blended orgasms, which are usually much stronger and more satisfying.

Our foreplay is still very clit-centric, except when I’m giving head (that makes me come so hard I sometimes can’t keep going). Unless I’m giving a penis massage, there are always fingers or a tongue on my clit when I’m stroking his cock.

Sometimes, we’ll have a little pre-penetrative action before fucking. Mr. Austin will rub the head of his cock against my pussy until I come and then he’ll start fucking me.

Missionary sex is the other interruption to clitoral stimulation. Because he has to prop himself up, I’m the one responsible for my clit in that position. Usually, I’ll prefer to use my hands to hold my legs up, tug on my hair, or just grip the bedsheet.

Spooning positions are the easiest. They give Mr. Austin really good access and he’ll just reach around and stroke me with his fingers while fucking me.

Prone positions (where I lay on my stomach) are a favorite of ours, too. For those, the clit is my responsibility and I use a vibrator to take care of it. I’ll hold it in position and ride it while getting fucked. This is my finale — the orgasm I get from this is so good that it’s almost always the one I finish on.

When we do anal, clit stimulation is practically essential. It helps with the initial discomfort and makes penetration easier. When things get going, rubbing my clit helps me have a really quick, strong, and satisfying climax. We tend to do a spooning position for this one, with Mr. Austin giving me a hand, but sometimes we’ll do missionary anal and I’ll be in charge of my needs.

We don’t follow a formula when we have sex, but that’s more or less representative of how we fuck. And throughout every phase, every change in position, it’s really easy to incorporate clitoral stimulation. There’s really no reason not to.

Make Her Pleasure Your Responsibility

Everyone likes their clit stimulated differently.

Some women prefer indirect contact only, while some need fast, hard, direct stimulation. I personally need it to be soft and slow for the most part because anything more and I’ll come too hard and too fast and cut things too short.

And some women don’t want constant stimulation. They’d prefer to give their clits a break and just go for some penetrative action.

Ask your lady what she likes and listen to what she tells you. But in almost every case, you can’t go wrong by giving more pleasure to the clit.

That pleasure can come from her, too. And sometimes, it has to. If you’re fucking doggy style, it’s easier for her to rub herself than to have you awkwardly reach around while pounding away (not impossible, sure, but challenging).

But you should take care of it often — preferably the majority of the time.

For one thing, she probably doesn’t just want a good orgasm. She probably wants to be pleasured by you (she could rub her clit on her own, after all).

I much prefer when my husband takes over when we’re fucking. It’s not (just) because I’m lazy. It’s because I love the feeling of being taken care of. I love how erotic it feels to have him touch me that way, to stimulate me in multiple ways at once. And I love that he knows exactly what I need and is willing to give it to me.

But most importantly, I come like ten times harder when it’s his fingers going at me instead of my own. It just feels so much better, and I’m willing to bet your fingers would feel better than hers, too.

So, if you really want to get her off, or just impress her, make her pleasure your responsibility. You’ll have to switch back and forth once in a while, but if your fingers have easy access to her clit, put them to work.

Two More Ways to Get Her Off

If you want to give your fingers (and hers) a break, there are two other ways you can stimulate her clit while fucking her.

The first is the coital alignment technique (CAT). It’s a variant on the missionary position that involves positioning your body so that the shaft of your cock rubs against her clit as you penetrate her.

I highly recommend trying it. Even if you can’t keep it going for very long, it’s a fun thing to throw into a fuck session once in a while.

The other way to accomplish hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex is to use a wearable vibrator.

I’ve experimented with a few wearable toys. Some of them are quite decent. I’m still waiting for one that works so well I keep it in my nightstand, but even the okay ones get the job done.

These are all fun ways to switch it up, but don’t treat them like work-arounds. Good sex is about being present, being attentive, being giving and generous. Strapping a butterfly to her clit will help her get off, but nothing beats having a partner who will reach around to rub your pussy or apply a vibrator to your clit while fucking you.

Go Ahead, Be a Stud

Making sure someone is always paying attention to the clit makes a huge difference for a lot of women. It can turn mediocre sex into great sex, and great sex into sex that’s so good you can’t wait to text your friend about it.

Even if you’re with someone who can come from penetration, it’s worth doing. No one ever complained about a blended orgasm, and she might just enjoy it so much she’ll cry or laugh (in a good way).

So, before going on Reddit to ask how to get your girlfriend to do anal, the least you could do is ask yourself how to become a skilled stud. And that starts with consistent clitoral stimulation.

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