PSYCHOLOGY | PARENTING | AGING

Growing Up… The Kisses We Never Received

Loving my kids without knowing love myself

I still miss kisses I never felt as a child. Nursing my children, sleeping next to them, and carrying them in wraps, I tried to give them warmth I never knew.

My mother loves me but never nurtured me. She couldn’t convey what she had never felt. The scolding tone she reverts to at 88 triggers my 52-year-old heart.

Now she needs my care. I love her but have a difficult time offering tenderness I don’t remember feeling as a child. I imagine, like me, she’s craved this tenderness her entire life.

Seeing the exasperated hands-off love she gives my dad who has dementia sheds light on the darkness of a childhood I don’t remember.

I hope my children feel the love and nurturing I’ve tried to give them. I hope they find partners who give them the kisses they need for the rest of their lives.