Groom of the Stool: King’s Toilet Guy Had The Disgusting Job Ever?
A bad job with royal perks in English history.

Though English history is replete with disgusting events, I bet after reading this one, you will not look at English history again. So it all starts with King Henry (VIII)’s announcement of a new vacancy in his health entourage, a stool groomer!
Looking For A Stool Groomer
Yep, you read that right. The basic description of this job included carrying a portable commode wherever the king went and aiding him while he discharges off.
This assistant not only had to closely inspect how the king “delivers” in the commode, but measured his bowel movement for the physician who was in charge of keeping the king in good health.
The stool groomer was also in charge of keeping the toilet seat in luxurious mode. He’d keep a velvet cloth, a bowl of water with some soft fabric to be used as toilet paper along with himself all the time.
Job Applicants
Now, some of you may be feeling disgusted thinking only janitors would have applied for this repulsive job.
But you’re in for a big surprise! The stool’s groomer was a much sought-after position in The Tudor era. The groomer was known as one of the closest men of the king even more than the queen.
Since the job consisted of intimate information about the king on which his overall health hinged, the groomer was offered the same royal treatment as the rest of the king’s entourage would get.
More Powerful Than A Parliamentarian
Weirdly enough, it is said that the groom held way more power than a parliamentarian of the era. He had the utmost trust of the king as a groomer was only selected after strict criteria. Plus, since he’d stay with the king 24/7 through “his thick and thin” (puns intended), the king shared his personal businesses with him as well.
Although it is still not verified whether the groomer wiped the king’s ass, however, what I can say confidently is, he’d pretty much smarten up the king.
Still not convinced why would someone be okay with the booty cleaning. Just know that the job included promotions too! Yes, you read that but it didn’t include adding more asses to clean rather a better more respectable position was offered to the groomers.
King George III promoted his personal groomer John Stuart to the position of prime minister. Now, who would not want to be the king’s groomer, right?
I am sure you can already imagine the number of applications the position would receive given the perks and power it proposed. In fact, this, perhaps, was a dream opportunity for aspiring politicians.
Groomers Getting Queens Killed
The king had a hierarchy of trusted people among whom the groomer enjoyed the highest ranks of trust. Ridiculously enough, all of these different ranks composed of his personal helpers such as sir Weston and Brereton helped the king dress up.

The king’s chief minister Thomas Cromwell despised both Brereton and Weston and he often took advantage of the king’s trust he had earned to use against both men. He accused both of sleeping with the queen, the king’s wife, and got them executed alongside the queen as he deemed them as a threat to his power. Soon enough, he got a new queen for the king.
Call it ironic or funny, but the king didn’t like his new wife and asked the pope to nullify the wedding but he refused, to which the king got angry and ordered the execution of Cromwell for getting him an ugly and uninteresting wife. Sounds like karma, right?
Although, it is said that the king regretted his decision as Cromwell was one of his best groomers, but, well, nothing can bring back the dead.
This evinces what sort of power and influence a groomer had on the king’s affairs, hence many would do anything to get this job.
Why Need A Finance Minister Now
As bizarre as it sounds, the stool groomer also supervised the king’s finances. He was in charge of not only accounting but suggested new channels to increase the treasury. For instance, King Henry VII’s groomer recommended assigning taxes to young boys who inherited huge lands but couldn’t arrange it themselves for being underage.
The king took charge of their lands and earned them until they turned the legal age. This benefitted the king a lot and the opportunist groomer also took his fair share of it.
I can write many more blogs on how the groomers never despised their work but rather took it as an opportunity to gain influence and power. I mean, all of them ended up in the highest echelons of power anyway, right?
My Two Cents
But the question is, would you do something like ass cleaning a rich, affluent person to achieve a higher goal? Or do you think it was unfair of the groomers to use their intimate relationship with the king for other purposes? I leave that to your judgment.
