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Grizzly Bear Gets Speeding Ticket In School Zone
Smokey the Bear finally gets busted…
Thursday, 6 April 2023, Yellowstone National Park. Early in the morning, The Kraken News was on the scene as Smokey the Bear, the beloved spokesbear for forest safety, was carted to court for an expedited speeding ticket. Smokey growled about forest fires, but no one seemed to be listening as the police officer told the court what happened.
“I was patrolling the school zone when I clocked this bear going 28 mph which as we all know is illegal. He even broke the sign as he barrelled past!”
As the defense rose, they called out:
“What is a school zone doing in the middle of the forest, anyway? Where was the school? And besides, my client is a BEAR! Bears do what they want to do in the forest.”
The courtroom erupted in angry voices, and the judge clacked his gavel.
“Being a bear has never been an excuse for breaking the law in my court room. And what is this that I hear of a bunch of girls chasing the bear?”
The defense jumped on that:
“My client was being chased by the local chapter of Red Riding Hood! We all know how bloodthirsty those girls are!”
A granny wearing a hood stands up in the back:
“Objection, Your Honor! My girls are sweet, innocent waifs! They would never chase bears!”
The judge stared at the granny and then asked:
“Are you willing to go on record?”
The granny sat down:
“No comment.”
When the courtroom calmed, the judge announced:
“I am fining Smokey the Bear 20 salmon for speeding in a school zone and for the destruction of school property. Dismissed!”
The Kraken News sympathizes with Smokey as he toils to pay his fine. We went to the source for our final report and asked Smokey what happened in his own words.
“I was minding my own business when these girls in red surrounded me. They told me that they’d always wanted to see if a bear’s tail was flammable, so I told them that only they could prevent forest fires, and even a bear’s tail could start one. They didn’t take the hint, and I didn’t want to hurt the poor things. After all, they were just girls. So, I ran! How was I to know there was a school zone somewhere where there was no school? I can’t read.”
We wish Smokey the very best!
Flame On, Smokey!
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