Grill Failure

Summary

The author recounts a humorous incident where an attempt to light a malfunctioning communal grill resulted in a fireball that singed his hair.

Abstract

The author, facing a non-functional starter button on a communal gas grill due to a missing part and pandemic-related repair delays, resorts to using a match to light it. Despite previous success, he accidentally burns a few hand hairs. In search of a safer method, he finds a long-wand lighter, which he believes will provide better protection. However, when he tries to ignite the grill, a large flame engulfs him, causing a fright and singeing much of his hair. The incident leaves him feeling like a clumsy character from a Chevy Chase movie. Fortunately, no serious harm is done, and the grill is eventually repaired, allowing for safe grilling to resume.

Opinions

The author expresses frustration with the delayed repair of the grill's starter button, exacerbated by the pandemic.
There is a sense of irony and self-deprecation as the author acknowledges the non-essential nature of a grill part while also lamenting the loss of the small joy it brings.
The author admits to a natural instinct for caution but also to underestimating the risks involved in lighting a grill manually.
After the incident, the author feels embarrassed, likening himself to a bumbling, accident-prone Chevy Chase character.
The author's brother's reaction to the story suggests a running joke or a known pattern of the author's mishaps, as he humorously advises on the correct order of lighting a

Light, THEN ignite, Mr. Griswold Jr.

I went outside to grill some burgers last weekend. The starter button on the gas grill in the common area of our condo still wasn’t functioning. I had complained about it for weeks. Apparently the part was on order. Then the management couldn’t find a vendor to come out and do the repair because of pandemic stuff.

I won’t argue. A part for a grill is not an essential service. But it does provide a little bit of joy to fire up a gas grill and make dinner outside after so many days spent cooking, living, exercising, eating and existing indoors.

I had lit the thing successfully twice by using a match in the past week. I always approach this activity with caution, as one should. Don’t play with matches, don’t mess with gas, don’t blow yourself up — it’s a natural instinct to be cautious.

I had still burned a few hairs on my hand. I figured there must be a smarter way to this while we waited on the arrival of Mr. Grill Repair Guy.

I remembered having a lighter with the long wand buried someplace. I rummaged through an old bin filled with forgotten camping gadgets. It was in there! Score!

Surely that extra bit of extension between my hand and the flame would protect me better.

When I marched down and pressed the button to ignite the grill, nothing happened. I felt quite prepared as I reached for my extended lighter and tugged on the trigger while simultaneously pressing up the black sliding device meant as a childproofing mechanism.

I can’t remember if I heard it, saw it, or felt it first.

My reflex to duck down came a bit too late.

The ball of flame whooshed just like the sound of fire in the movie Backdraft. It rolled up and expanded like the pyrotechnic display at a KISS concert. And it warmed my hand, forearm, and face before I could shift out of its way.

I felt the fear and adrenaline rise fast. I was pretty sure I wasn’t hurt. The biggest insult was the sulfurous smell of my burning hair.

I had singed more than the little hairs on my hand this time, I knew that. It wasn’t until I got upstairs and saw the look on my wife’s face that I realized how much hair was scorched — most of my forearms, my beard, eyebrows and the hair on my head had been toasted.

Scared the crap out of me. I felt like a Chevy Chase character, a silly aging accident prone man with very poor judgement, who burned his hairs off trying to grill some dinner.

As I told the story to my brother the next day, he snorted in laughter and said, “Bro, you always light, and THEN ignite.”

I’m happy to report that nobody was harmed in the making of this tale. Mr. Grill Repair Guy has done his valuable job, and the safety controls are all in place for safe grilling to resume in the common area.

Grill on.