Grief Is Like the Ocean
It comes in waves
I have never in my life known grief as intimately as I do these past couple of months. In the span of 2 months, 3 women whom I loved dearly, who all had a major impact on my life going all the way back to my childhood passed away.
August 26, I lost my “Other Mother”, August 31 my maternal grandmother passed away and October 28th, my mother left this earth for her own journey to the Summerland.
There was no time for me to effectively process and grieve the loss of one of these immensely amazing women before losing the next one. Both my Other Mother and my Grandmother’s passing's were imminent, we had time to prepare, but you’re never actually prepared. My mother passed very suddenly and without warning, leaving us reeling from the news.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear — C.S. Lewis
This morning I looked out my front door, and it dawned on me that my mother will never pull into my driveway again. We will never be able chat over coffee and a cigarette in her van. She will never attend any of my children’s milestones like birthdays or graduations. The grief washed over me like a tidal wave from the ocean.
We had so many plans together that will never come to fruition.
Grief is the price that we pay for love. — Queen Elizabeth II
It is a small bit of relief to know that my mom is no longer in pain, and that her fight is over. She had multiple chronic pain disorders. Her pain was severe and unrelenting. Despite the relief of knowing that she is no longer suffering, and in the spirit realm has been returned to the picture of health and happiness, the pain of losing her has turned my world upside down.
As a life coach, I started writing this article thinking it would turn into something inspirational and “coachy”, but as I write, I realize that is not what I need in this moment. Writing this is part of my healing process. What I need right now is to acknowledge my heartache, feel it, lean into it and start releasing it.
The only cure for grief is to grieve — Earl Grollman
Maybe this article is part of that acknowledgement and release, maybe it is just to let others know that their grief is normal and natural. To feel grief when we have lost someone close to us is to know that we have loved fiercely. We all process grief differently, but one thing is for sure and pretty well the same for everyone… Grief is like the ocean, and it comes in waves.
There are two things I have learned throughout this wild ride of chaos and grief.
- Self-Care is super important. When someone we love passes, there is a lot to do. There is a huge adjustment period. Our loved ones need us. But above all else, we need to remember to take time to take care of ourselves. This is an integral part of the healing process.
- The value of having support during the grief process is immeasurable. Whether or not you have a grief counselor or just a circle of people you are close to and can lean on, support is invaluable. Reach out to your counselor or loved ones whenever you need to, and remember this moment will pass. It does get easier with time.
(OK, maybe it did get a little “coachy”…)
Grief never ends. But it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor lack of faith. It’s the price of love. — Unknown.
