Grief as a Doorway to Growth
It’s not unusual to hear people say that something good came out of a bad experience. In fact, it’s cliché for a reason — because it’s true. Everyone goes through difficult times in their lives, and everyone deals with grief in their own way. For some, the pain of a loss can be so great that they feel like they’ll never recover. But often, it’s through our darkest moments that we find the most growth. Grief can be one of the most challenging experiences we go through, but it can also be one of the most rewarding. If we’re open to it, grief can teach us about ourselves, our relationships, and what really matters in life. So don’t be afraid to embrace your grief as an opportunity for personal growth. It may not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
Grief Is… We want to reduce the painful experiences in life to a minimum. Most grief books advise you to allow enough time to grieve and who would argue with that advice. But time isn’t the issue, it’s the grief itself. Grief can be an all-encompassing emotional black hole that any sane person should want to run screaming from. Turning away from grief and the grief process unfortunately doesn’t make the pain go away or reduce the pain over time. Allowing yourself to experience the loss is the first step to healing this pain. Whether the loss is a job, a relationship, a beloved animal companion or a deeply loved person, there is no way to ignore the absence left in the wake of their exit from your life. Acknowledging the absence and feeling the grief of the loss is the first step to healing.
Time over Time Most of us see ourselves as fairly efficient people. Grief seems like something we should be able to plan out on a calendar like working out, or doctor’s appointments. But grief does not have a straight-line trajectory. There will be days when you are steeping in this loss in your life. Other days where you will feel just fine. On the really good days you may be tempted to declare “yay, my grief has passed” only to find yourself two days later crying complete with crocodile tears and snot bubbles.
Be gentle with yourself. You can’t really manage this journey so just be aware of its ebbs and flows. Celebrate the good days and give yourself space to grieve on the days when it is front and center inside you.
Growing Strength Someone said that grief is the price we pay for a life well lived. Our lives bear witness to immense changes over time, changes that in retrospect could serve as tools of personal growth. Knowing that change is inevitable then being more in the moment now can be an approach to live by. Leave nothing unsaid, tell people how important they are, set the cell phone down and breathe in the sunset not just snap a picture of it. It seems so obvious but all we have is this moment and what we do with it is what’s important.
In Conclusion To quote Ram Dass “Be here now”. Let grief eventually open a doorway to gratitude, a heart-filled appreciation for the wonderful things in your life. Things that were powerful in the moment but have passed into your history, be grateful they happened to you.
Charles Cox is a spiritualist minister & teacher, visit his website