Gratitude to Grateful, Why and How
Timeless Lessons on Taking Nothing for Granted
What is the difference between experiencing gratitude and being grateful? In an interview with the author of Wake Up Grateful, Kristi Nelson stated, there is a big difference: “Gratitude is great. Gratefulness is greater.”
Although the research is clear that gratitude is good medicine with many positive benefits to our well-being. Nelson explains, “when receiving something we want, when experiences bring us pleasure, or when life goes our way, it is natural and meaningful to feel gratitude.”
However, the problem exists in gratitude passively waiting for something good or pleasurable to occur. Gratefulness on the other hand opens us to the opportunity to experience gratitude in every moment.
The Root of Happiness
What comes before happiness? According to the Benedictine Monk Brother David Steindl Rast, “the root of joy is gratefulness.”
Brother David explains: “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful. As we learn to give thanks for all of life and death, for all this given world of ours, we find deep joy. It is the joy of trust, the joy of faith in the faithfulness at the heart of all things. It is the joy of gratefulness in touch with the fullness of life.”
The field of positive psychology reveals similar findings. In The Happiness Advantage, author Shawn Achor explained:
The Mind is its own place, and can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. By scanning our mental map for positive opportunities, and by rejecting the belief that every down in life leads us only further downward, we give ourselves the greatest power possible: the ability to move up not despite the setbacks, but because of them.
“Everything is a gift,” as Brother David puts it, “The degree to which we are awake to this truth is a measure of our gratefulness, and gratefulness is a measure of our aliveness.”
Beyond Gratitude
Nelson, a stage IV cancer survivor, knows firsthand the limits of gratitude. In Wake Up Grateful, Nelson explains, “gratitude that does not depend on what happens but comes from the inside out. Not a reaction to something, but a proactive approach to life. Gratitude is already with you as you wake to greet your days — before anything has even happened. This is gratefulness.”
Life has a way of delivering us all with no shortage of hardships and setbacks. As the French writer, Voltaire put it, “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” How can we receive the benefits of gratitude in the face of life’s everyday challenges?
The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrestled with this very topic. He ultimately came to adopt the approach he called Amor Fati (translated from Latin love of one’s fate).
Nietzsche explained,
My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.
The Amor Fati approach doesn’t attempt to erase the past but instead accepts what has occurred, the good and the bad, the mistaken and the wise, resulting in a perspective that is all-embracing gratitude bordering on a kind of enthusiastic affection.
Similarly, nearly 2,000 years ago, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself in his journal known as Meditations today: “When you arise in the morning think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
Marcus’s journal provides an excellent example of what Nelson refers to as “from the inside out.” Meditating on being alive and our ability “to breathe, think, enjoy, and love” are all within our control and available at any moment.
Stop. Look. Go.
How do we take nothing for granted? Nearly all ancient spiritual and philosophical traditions stress the importance of living in the present moment. The Dalia Lama explains it this way,
“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live.”
Although most of us realize this truth, the problem is putting it into practice.
Brother David outlines three simple steps to begin to practice grateful living: Stop. Look. Go. To stop is to wake yourself up and avoid going through the motions and sleepwalking through life.
Nelson writes,
Take a few minutes to focus on becoming fully present to the moment as it is. Pausing for greater presence many times throughout the day will generate innumerable gifts.
In the second step, Brother David invites us to Look — he is directing us to seek the opportunity for enjoyment that awakens our grateful hearts. It’s an invitation to look with a new perspective and notice the things we often take for granted.
The final step in the “Stop. Look. Go.” practice is vital and differentiates grateful living practice from many other awareness practices. Doing something with the appreciation and opportunities that come our way brings the cultivation of presence and perspective into the service of our lives and life itself.
Final Thoughts
True gratefulness is the courage to give thanks for a gift before unwrapping it. — Brother David
Gratefulness is gratitude for life. Nelson explains, “it reminds us that, in simply being alive, we are always receiving. While gratitude — as we know it — needs something good to happen, gratefulness only needs us to be awake. We do not need to do anything to feel grateful or wait for anything more. We merely need to allow ourselves to notice and be wowed by things we so often overlook and tend to take for granted in the lives we already have.”
Going from gratitude to grateful living is a lifelong practice. As Brother David puts it, “A lifetime may not be long enough to attune ourselves fully to the harmony of the universe. But just to become aware that we can resonate with it — that alone can be like waking up from a dream.”
How might going “beyond gratitude” change the way you experience this moment?
Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful.
If you enjoyed it, consider checking out our free weekly newsletter from the In Search of Wisdom podcast.