Gratitude — The Feelings Arrest Me Every Day, Sometimes Like Today, They Overtake Me
Thankful for a life rich in blessings
I am a simple girl from a simple world.
During childhood, we ran around barefoot.
Climbed trees, fished, played around in summers.
We addressed all adults respectfully, loved each other, fought sometimes, but always made up.
Shared everything we had and always felt safe.
Most people are considered quite poor.
My family was somewhat better off.
My grandfather and his brothers frequently bought land together and were rice farmers.
They had the gift of foresight and community, they worked well together.
We had cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, and ducks when I grew up.
We were never in want.
Yet we were not rich.
There was always a garden, that is where my mother developed her love of gardening. From her father. A love she has passed on to me.
My grandmother, an enterprising woman.
The driving force of her family and in the lives of her children.
She made it her life's work to ensure ALL were educated.
Those who did not have a propensity for books learned a trade of their choosing.
The trajectory of my life would have been vastly different if not for that woman.
I owe her a depth of gratitude I can never repay in this life.
Somehow, somewhere I hope she knows it.
She passed on in 2009 just as I was really coming into my financial independence phase.
I was unable to buy her any trinkets of appreciation, I deeply regret that!
The “me” of today is owed in large measure to the influence of that woman.
My strength of spirit is directly inherited from her.
By genetics, osmosis, emulation — a combination of all three, I am not sure.
None of her children share her traits.
We are polar opposites. I am completely different from my relatives.
My aunts and my mother, her children all borrow my strength, I am the family adviser if you will.
A position I just “fell” into.
My uncle refers to me as the “truth-teller” like my grandmother was.
If her children did wrong, she said something. She never covered up any wrongdoings.
If I see something amiss, I say something, it’s almost like I cannot help myself.
I learned it all by being raised by my grandma.
At the time, I had no idea I was absorbing as much as I did.
Each time I go back home, I visit her grave and I weep.
I weep for all that I lost, that woman, part grandmother, mother, sister, mentor, and savior.
My mother and my aunts stand there as I weep and their eyes are dry, this I do not understand.
No doubt they miss their mother, but I always feel too much too deeply.
Today, I awoke feeling tearfully grateful.
Grateful for ALL my life circumstances.
Each hardship that broke me, afforded life the malleability to mold and direct me towards the path of fulfilling my soul purpose.
I am alive!
Divinely returned to complete my mission.
I feel blessed beyond measure.
I have been given so much.
But for a slight twist of life’s kaleidoscope, I could be anywhere, be anything else other than the me that I am.
I am happy with the representation God put me in. I would not change a thing.
Whenever I return to the village I long ago left behind, I see how far I have come.
I feel like Virginia slims commercial of a thousand lives that says —
“I know you’ve come a long way baby!”
When I look at the friends and relatives I left behind, I realize that that could have been my lot.
I have gone places, seen, and done so many things.
No one could have seen what God had in store for me.
While I remain grateful, I know there is still so much more I am yet to be, see and do.
We are all here on a soul journey.
We have a mission to fulfill.
We made a decision to undertake this human journey for the betterment of our souls individually and collectively.
Let us continue to seek our purpose.
Work on making this world a better, kinder place.
Be gentle with ourselves and each other, our souls need it.
Let us greet each day with a grateful heart.
Pene Hodge is a mom, a nurse, a writer. She writes because she must. She loves people and is committed to sharing and gleaning knowledge for the betterment of all.
