Thank You Notes

Gratitude in Grief

For the beauty of having known you

I lost a contemporary in December. I say contemporary because she was my age, and we had worked together and had some neighborhood mom time together. But, we’d lost touch during COVID when we could not do in-person visits. Elaine was battling breast cancer valiantly and had been for a decade. Our last meeting was over a coffee catching up. We knew the risk that was coming.

Although we lived in the same neighborhood, her kids were older than mine, and we didn’t cross paths much. Years went by, and to recover from a bout of agoraphobia after my mother died, I took a job as an Instructional Assistant in a high school Special Education program. Although I was a licensed teacher, I only wanted something challenging enough to get me out of the house but not too demanding to cause a complete collapse of function again. The supervising teacher was terrific, visionary, energetic, and monstrously funny. Petite and agile to my tall and precise. We were both on equal footing, planning, creative, and had lots of ideas. We got nothing done. Then we hired Elaine. All we had to do was mention an idea, and Elaine, an efficient and enthusiastic ‘doer,’ would bring it to fruition. That program began to hum and grow, and the kids thrived. That dynamic was a defining moment for my future leadership team-building endeavors. Everyone needs an Elaine on their team; visionaries really get nothing done without them.

Elaine and I crossed paths again supporting a non-profit getting prom gowns to girls without the means. I did alterations, perfect for an introvert, and Elaine brought me gowns that needed work. Ha, I got to be the ‘doer’ under her tutelage and energy. Elaine was a grandmother before me, and her love for the role was contagious even as we professed a dread of the aging that grandparenting surmised. She struggled with a daughter-in-law. I was honored to be a sounding board though I had zero experience. Except that I was a daughter-in-law, we both were, and quite perfect in every way to hear us tell it.

Losing Elaine brought an overwhelming sense of loss and grief, and gratitude. It was bliss to have had a contemporary who I didn’t know in my youth, who shared so many experiences, a light to my dark, vitality to my calm, patient and kind, and funny, oh so funny. I want to be ever grateful for Elaine and our time together. I will thank her in my grief; to grieve is a gift for having known her and the beauty she brought to my world.

Strong women contemporaries with no agendas, only support, courage, and joy around a glass of wine or cup of coffee are rare. I am ever grateful for Elaine and all the ‘Elaine’s of this world.