Gratitude Amidst the Exhaustion

If you’re reading this, dear reader, you most likely are familiar with exhaustion. With the bone-deep, ever-present, underlying exhaustion with the ongoing routine, the mechanical demands of life, the state of not-knowing that we are in. The exhaustion of being in this liminal space; the exhaustion of not knowing when will it be clear what the “new normal” is, when will we feel safe to interact again more as a society? The exhaustion that comes with age, with responsibilities, with the lessons learned, and the prices paid.

(Photo by author, at Point Isabel, California)

Yet, because you must be, you are a survivor. You never thought you could be this strong or have endured this much trauma, this much pain, and fear on a global scale. Some days it seems too much, it washes over in waves, it seems all-consuming. You feel so much sadness for your past immaturity, your lack of seeing the bigger picture, the way you saw yourself as broken rather than healing. You feel sadness for a world that has pushed us to this state, where the myth of individualism is poisoning us and taking away from our collective consciousness, our awakening.

It’s ok, I have these days, these weeks, this struggle. But with it, I have gratitude. Even when I feel lonely and hopeless, I feel gratitude. I’m proud I’ve been able to come this far, to find self-compassion and healing. I’m proud of the growth and transformation I’ve found in motherhood. I’m grateful to have made it out of my 20’s and 30’s alive, to have found healthier ways of coping, living, and thinking.

I’ve learned to use this isolation as a time for deep reflection and growth. I’m using it to center my focus and pursue my goals, to center healing and wellness both personally and professionally.

The challenge in this time of upheaval, uncertainty, and fear is to find positivity, to find the gratitude, to maintain hope. Gratitude, I have learned, literally changes the molecular structure of chemicals in the brain. So even in these dark, difficult times, I return to this notion of gratitude, I cling to the importance and power of mindset.

And so, with an appreciation for what I have and a mindset encompassing self-love, self-compassion, and determination, I am able to face another day. I am able to continue to work to heal and find my higher frequency; I am able to focus on the vibration of love. And, in having gratitude and seeking to be present, I remind myself to stretch, to breathe, to honor the needs of my body. To go outside and breathe fresh air. To feel grateful for my pets and my daughter.

To focus on gratitude is not to negate how tiring or devastating this time is. It is to find the strength to find the appreciation for what you have — despite the wreckage, the uncertainty, the loss we individually and collectively face. It is having the vulnerability to cry and grieve and yet also the wisdom to recognize how profound and precious this life is.