Grateful and Greedy for the Beer the Monks Brew

Summary

The article is a humorous poem about the superiority of Belgian beer brewed by monks.

Abstract

The poem is written in a conversational tone, addressing the reader as "My fellow Americans". The author argues that despite popular belief, the best beer is not American, Irish, or German, but Belgian, brewed by monks. The author praises the monks for their brewing skills and calls for the immigration of monks to America to improve the quality of American beer. The author also criticizes American beer culture and the separation of church and state.

Opinions

The author believes that Belgian beer is superior to American, Irish, and German beer.
The author praises the brewing skills of Belgian monks and calls for their immigration to America.
The author criticizes American beer culture and the separation of church and state.
The author uses humor and hyperbole to make their point.

Grateful and Greedy for the Beer the Monks Brew

A poem about the best beer and something I will fight about

One Hundred Days of Gratitude. Twenty-Two

My fellow Americans I’m here to tell you that despite your pride and tailgate-dive-barbecue-bona fides — the beer boomers lied.

No no it’s true / or not I guess despite the mess, of red white, and blue blood in your veins and what your gym coach turned history teacher was always saying —

George Washington did not, in fact, invent beer, and the founding fathers didn’t crush cold brews while they switched between the big game and the big news of the Boston craft beer-fueled fight for free dumb.

Oh I know, you know. But listen close, it wasn’t the Irish either, in a green pub somewhere on a green hill with a green sheep as his witness dancing a jig and taking a swig of his somehow green Guinness.

At least the German stereotype isn’t far off the map, because they share a border with the real land of real beer.

(I’m warning you now, you good German people, say what you want but I swear I won’t hear)

The true masters are actually holy men and not just because they bless us.

All hail the Belgian monks who brew! The Trappists who trapped god’s gift in each specially shaped glass!

Thank the heavens for those hungry holy men of the one true faith, who, while looking for a fasting loophole discovered the one true truth.

Who broke the laws of man and beer because they had the holy hand of god working through them to pull the tap.

Who left the windows open and let the flavor in.

Who made and make something more like potions than pints with the power of at least one hundred thousand something-something lights or IPA atrocities with more hops than sense I say no more hence forth.

My fellow Americans I’m sorry to get all political But — I am officially calling for mass immigration of monks to our nation. For taxpayer dollars to build Abbeys all over America. It’s gone bad, pour out the separation of church and state, this is how you make American beer drinking great.

My fellow Americans It’s time to drink more Belgians and give thanks for monks who brew.