Grace in the Home Buying Process

Handling yourself with a bit of dignity when you just want to scream and cry

Buying a house is a very stressful event. My family was recently approved for a home loan so the search for our forever home has begun.

And the findings are depressing.

It has become abundantly clear that there is very little housing available for us, being a low-income family. The first home we settled on was a little white farmhouse on a couple of acres and it sang to me. I dreamed of it in my sleep. I visualized sitting on the porch swing at night and watching the evening unfold. We made all kinds of plans for what we would do with the house to make it the perfect home for our family. I could see my grand-kids running happily through the yard — what a home it would be!

But after putting in an offer, having the offer accepted, beginning to pack as the closing date approached — and then watching helplessly as the whole deal went under — I have to admit, I am a bit crushed.

Back to the house-hunt drawing board.

How do you manage all of the feelings involved in a home search without losing your mind?

Going into this thing we were hopeful. It took us nearly ten years of hard work, perseverance, and credit repair to even get approved for a loan. Our loan is extremely humble. To find a home at our price point that isn’t in shambles will be a huge dose of luck.

There are challenges

• Homes go into contract often the day they hit the market
• Homes go into contract before we can even go to see them
• Homes in our price range are dilapidated messes
• Our USDA loan requires the home we get to be in “move-in-ready condition

So we have to take our hope and combine it with grace.

Grace in the home buying process

Be an honorable buyer

First of all, we have resigned ourselves to being honorable buyers. Graceful, patient, honest buyers. Our first deal fell through because we were lied to by the seller. They said they would do necessary repairs so our loan would approve for the property. We spent money for inspections. Then we discovered they had no intention to do any repairs and they wanted us to pay for all repairs — not at all what we’d agreed to when we made the offer they accepted.

Any deal made with dishonesty at the core is a deal doomed to cause you pain and suffering later down the road.

So, for the deal to fall through now, before we own the home, is a blessing to us even though it hurts.

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

— Henry Ford (1863–1947), founder of Ford Motor Company

Accept losses with dignity

There will be losses. The home you want so badly may slip away to another buyer. Another home you fall in love with may fail inspection or you may find out it is in the flood plain and there’s nothing at all you can do about it.

Acceptance will spare you a tremendous amount of stress.

Pick your battles or they can get costly and painful. When you take a step back from the emotional portion of home buying, accept a loss for what it is, and move on quickly, you will be that much closer to finding the next house on the “possibility” list.

Practice perseverance

Home buying will test your resolve. Each day there will be emails, phone calls, questions, and waiting, waiting, waiting when everything is in a hurry.

You will have to set your sights on the prize — whatever home that ends up being — and work at this thing until you reach closing day and sign the papers for your new home.

Sometimes it means you have to go back to the drawing board, figure out what isn’t working for you, and develop a new strategy.

But you won’t get there if you give up in frustration.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow.’

— Mary Anne Radmacher, American author and artist

Expect to lose sleep over the whole process. Amplify your self-care and give yourself a break — even though it is hard, you can persevere.

Treat people kindly

You will have a plethora of people in various positions that you will need to work with in order to buy a home. You’ll meet with your agent (or in our case a pair of them that work together), potentially other agents that represent the property, a mortgage lender, and a wide variety of inspectors or appraisers.

If you are an introvert like me, this process can be exhausting, but kindness makes the whole process so much easier.

The grace it takes to be kind to people when you are under pressure is measured by your character.

It also helps to be cautious. Some people will make money when you buy the home. Some of them, like your agents, really are on your side. Know who benefits by your purchase and be smart about what their “angle” is — so you don’t get taken for a ride like we did on that little white farmhouse.

Nothing is lost on us in our kindness if we are handling our business with wisdom. Be smart — but be kind.

Be patient

Graceful people are patient people.

There’s a whole lot of “hurry up and wait” when you are house hunting. To say that you will need to be patient is grossly understated. While you are spending countless hours perusing the market, looking for that next property, exercise the patient spirit required of you to keep from losing your mind or your temper.

You can press forward patiently. You can advocate for yourself while being patient with the process.

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.

— Robert Collier (1885–1950), American self-help author

I wish you the best of luck in your home search. But more than that, I wish you the grace and dignity of knowing it will happen in its own good time. Just keep pressing forward and don’t give up.

Other work by this author:

Christina M. Ward is a rural-living, well-living, hope-living writer from North Carolina. She also is quite fond of writing environmental and human condition poetry that you just might like such as Symbiosis, The Wisdom of Trees, and The Vantage Point of Stars.