Grab An Oar, We’ll Paddle Together

Medium is smack dab in the middle of hustle culture.

But I live on the outskirts, way in the boondocks of Hustleville. Nowhere close to town.

I can’t burn the candle at both ends. I can’t work 60–70 hours a week to make six figures with my writing. Why?

I’m a chronic illness warrior.

But first, let me introduce myself.

I’m a poet, fiction author, nonfiction writer, and editor-in-chief for an indie publishing and self-publishing company called Fictionate. Me. I love swimming, sunshine, yoga, video games, old movies, and when it comes to potatoes, just call me Samwise.

I’m also a wife, mother (to one human and two fur babies), reader, creator…and spoonie.

A Spoonful of Learning

If you or someone you know has a chronic illness, then you’ll know what I mean when I say “spoonie”.

If you’re not familiar with that term, it’s a term used often to describe people with chronic illnesses who don’t have enough “spoons” to last through the day. Each little spoon holds a finite amount of energy which can be spent very quickly. As a spoonie, we have to dole out our spoons, or energy, carefully.

For instance, because of my chronic fatigue, I have to plan my day ahead of time. If I want to have the energy to write in the afternoon after work, I don’t need to spend all my spoons in the morning. I also know I can’t tackle all the writing projects I want to do in one day. I have to pace myself, take breaks, and work in small chunks.

And you know what?

It works.

A wasted life?

I used to feel that much of my life over the last six years or so has been wasted because of chronic illness — both physically and mentally. Carving out a space to create a freelance and fiction author business amidst the bodily and emotional toll chronic illness causes was nearly impossible at times.

But one thing I never stopped doing, even at my worst? Writing. The beauty of writing is that you can do it anywhere. Even in bed. Even when you feel like death. Sometimes those feelings just have to come out.

Besides writing and publishing poetry to deal with my illness, I began writing about experiences with chronic illness on Medium, publishing poetry and articles centered around the theme of both physical and mental chronic illnesses. It helped me deal with a new diagnosis, it helped me deal with the crippling depression and anxiety that comes along with it, and helped me find kindred spirits who understood my struggle.

There are so many of us out here.

I see you.

And I want to help you as a chronic illness warrior realize your writing goals, no matter what they are. It is possible. I’m living proof!

New Beginnings

While I don’t currently publish on the aforementioned Medium account, I have started a new account to share my experiences about my own publishing journey as an author, poet, nonfiction writer, editor, and indie publisher. I will also be sharing some of these experiences through the lens of someone dealing with chronic illness. It can feel disheartening, seeing everyone succeed so much, while you feel like you inch along at a snail’s pace compared to them.

But while I may not have 900 Medium articles to my credit, in the last few years I’ve published three poetry chapbooks and standalone flash fiction, poetry, and short stories in a myriad of publications. I wrote an ongoing gaslamp sci-fantasy serial with a fiction platform and had some success there, and I’ve acted as editor-in-chief for two anthologies, with a third on the horizon.

All of our successes looked different. Don’t compare your success with someone else who doesn’t have a chronic illness to deal with. Apples to oranges, my friend. If you make a list of what you’ve accomplished since your diagnosis, I’m sure you’ll feel very proud of yourself, especially when even simple things, like getting out of bed in the morning, can feel insurmountable.

Different Strokes

But instead of focusing on my accomplishments, I berate myself for not having published a novel yet. It’s always been my dream, ever since I was a kid. I wanted to be a full-time author, like Ann Rice or Stephen King. How can other writers be so prolific, and publish so much? I feel like it takes me so long to get anything done, because of my limited stamina and ability to work long days like most people. I want to make money on my writing like everyone else.

I just have to do it a little differently. You probably will too, but that’s ok — as long as we’re progressing and working towards our goals, we’re all going to be successful, sick or not. We can’t let our illnesses win!

We have to give ourselves some grace. It’s not our fault we have chronic illness or depression or anxiety. It’s not our fault we have brain fog and lose track of thought mid-sentence (it literally just happened to me as I was writing this). We need to work hard at doing the right things for our bodies and minds and learn to accept what we can’t control (easier said than done, I know).

Reclaiming control

What I can control is carving out small parts of my day to accomplish my goals. I only do it in small spurts instead of marathon sessions, but a small step can lead to so much more. I’ve got this. I can do this. But not if I look at the big picture, it’s too overwhelming.

And if you’re in the same boat as I am, you can do it too.

Grab an oar, we’ll paddle together.

My goals right now are to rework some of my old writings, polish them, and republish them; publish more of my short fiction, poetry, and articles in various places (including Medium); and rewrite the aforementioned gaslamp serial into a novel.

How will I work on all this on top of everything else I have to do every day?

Consistency. Showing up, not giving up. And working hard (in small doses) to publish and make a career out of doing what I love while still taking time to rest and recoup. I do want to make money, but I also to share my experiences and work out my feelings through my words. If I can help at least one person, I can be happy!

Remember What Matters Most

I write because I have to. It’s my therapy, it’s how I deal with what the world dishes out. Life isn’t always as beautiful as those perfectly curated images we see on Instagram. Life is messy, it’s dirty, it’s unfair.

In our “monetize everything” culture, we can lose sight of what matters. Why we do what we do.

I didn’t start writing as a child to make money. You probably didn’t either. I started writing because I loved reading, living in fantastical worlds, and meeting and falling in love with fictional characters. So, I began to create my own worlds, my own characters when I was a child. Money never factored into it. It still doesn’t (although another revenue stream never hurts!).

We also have to remember to take care of our health. Our health matters most, especially over money. Health is wealth, as they say. I’ll help you learn how to achieve your writing goals and manage your day with chronic illness.

First tip: Don’t spend all your spoons in one place. Leave something for yourself.

Join me to learn how to navigate the world of writing and publishing even with limited time and energy. My next article will show you how to create a writing routine even if you’re a spoonie.

Happy writing!

Read and purchase some of my published works here.

Buy me a coffee to support my work here (but make it decaf please!) ☕️ Your support is very much appreciated!