GOP Plans to Relocate the Oval Office to Rikers Island Prison in 2024

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-written blues song titled The Presidential Penitentiary Blues on harmonica. In addition to evincing feelings of nostalgia, the video will feature images of heroic prisoners such as the late John McCain and Nelson Mandela, and Martha Stewart.The infamous orange jumpsuit that distinguishes US convicts will be leveraged too. Since the jumpsuit matches Trump’s hair and complexion, orange will be promoted as the new color of Trumpism. An orange MAGA cap is in the works, as is a line of trendy prison jumpsuits under the new fashion label Orange is the New Grift. The White House will be renamed the Orange House.Security will be stepped up. All visitors, even cabinet-level members of the administration and dignitaries, will be searched for shivs. Only prequalified cons will be allowed to trade cigarettes with the President, and a secret agent will accompany him at all times while he is working in the laundry. President Trump is expected to do a thriving business in pardons while inside.The president’s prison cell will be specially refurbished to function as the Oval Office. For instance, the in-cell toilet is to be disguised as an espresso machine, and lewd pictures of naked women on the walls will be

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restricted to just one image of Stormy Daniels.Republicans also intend to reinvent the traditional shot of the President shaking hands with visiting world leaders. Foreign dignitaries will meet Trump in the prison’s visitor room, where they will be photographed talking to the President by phone through the room’s perspex screen. A new bullet-proof screen is to be installed.Another restriction is that President Trump will only be allowed one call to a national leader per week on the prison’s public phone. This could restrict his ability to blackmail leaders into delivering incriminating information on his opponents, which is a concern for the Trump team.However, the GOP believes that Trump’s prison-based presidency will still be a big win for them. Republicans have instructed their legal department, the Supreme Court of the United States, to change the law governing how long a president can stay in office. The revised rule conflates “prison term” and “term in office” so that Trump will be able to remain President as long as new indictments and convictions keep him locked up at Rikers. As the GOP explains in a secret memo to SCOTUS, “this means that President Trump will never leave office.”</article></body>

GOP Plans to Relocate the Oval Office to Rikers Island Prison in 2024

Holding cabinet meetings behind bars should stop leaks, the GOP hopes.

The Oval Office circa 2024 (Photo by Oxana Melis on Unsplash)

In anticipation of a convicted Donald Trump regaining the US presidency in 2024, the Republican Party has drawn up plans for the Oval Office to be transferred to the cell in the Rikers Island prison complex where Trump is likely to serve out his sentence.

Operating the presidency from prison is a novel idea, but Trump’s supporters are confident they can not only put a positive spin on the country’s first felon president but use it to their advantage.

Plans are afoot for a video of President Trump sitting disconsolately alone in his cell at the Resolute Desk playing a specially-written blues song titled The Presidential Penitentiary Blues on harmonica. In addition to evincing feelings of nostalgia, the video will feature images of heroic prisoners such as the late John McCain and Nelson Mandela, and Martha Stewart.

The infamous orange jumpsuit that distinguishes US convicts will be leveraged too. Since the jumpsuit matches Trump’s hair and complexion, orange will be promoted as the new color of Trumpism. An orange MAGA cap is in the works, as is a line of trendy prison jumpsuits under the new fashion label Orange is the New Grift. The White House will be renamed the Orange House.

Security will be stepped up. All visitors, even cabinet-level members of the administration and dignitaries, will be searched for shivs. Only prequalified cons will be allowed to trade cigarettes with the President, and a secret agent will accompany him at all times while he is working in the laundry. President Trump is expected to do a thriving business in pardons while inside.

The president’s prison cell will be specially refurbished to function as the Oval Office. For instance, the in-cell toilet is to be disguised as an espresso machine, and lewd pictures of naked women on the walls will be restricted to just one image of Stormy Daniels.

Republicans also intend to reinvent the traditional shot of the President shaking hands with visiting world leaders. Foreign dignitaries will meet Trump in the prison’s visitor room, where they will be photographed talking to the President by phone through the room’s perspex screen. A new bullet-proof screen is to be installed.

Another restriction is that President Trump will only be allowed one call to a national leader per week on the prison’s public phone. This could restrict his ability to blackmail leaders into delivering incriminating information on his opponents, which is a concern for the Trump team.

However, the GOP believes that Trump’s prison-based presidency will still be a big win for them. Republicans have instructed their legal department, the Supreme Court of the United States, to change the law governing how long a president can stay in office. The revised rule conflates “prison term” and “term in office” so that Trump will be able to remain President as long as new indictments and convictions keep him locked up at Rikers. As the GOP explains in a secret memo to SCOTUS, “this means that President Trump will never leave office.”