Google Docs Doesn’t Offer Canadian English as a Language Option, and It’s Maddening

I’m tired of the squiggly lines and constant shaming from my computer!

Today I realized the colour of my neighbour’s fence is the same as the walls of my paediatrician’s office — an ugly, muted strawberry yogurt.

Google docs hates sentences like these. I mean, I do too — I would never write this. I would also hope never to live next to someone who paints their fence any kind of pink, but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m a Canadian writer, and I, like so many Canadians, lean into Canadian English when I’m writing.

Or at least, I did. Up until my brain exploded after the millionth time Google corrected my spelling of the word “colour” (gah! There it is again!) while using the American English language option, and then freaked out about a whole bunch of other words when I switched my language back to British English.

The reason? Canadian English is a mashup of British and American English…as is the sentence at the top of this article. It’s perfectly correct as a Canadian sentence to my knowledge, and yet, it’s full of red, squiggly lines.

As a perfectionist, that really messes up my already-addled brain.

I’m not a bad speller, and I have a decent grasp on grammar. I’m not infallible, mind you — I tend to overuse punctuation, especially those beautiful “em dashes” (like I just did there — once more, for emphasis!) and superfluous intensifiers like “really” and “actually” are too-frequent fliers in my vocabulary, both written and spoken. But I have at least an intermediate level of competence when it comes to spelling and grammar. I know what I’m doing, Google!

I’m not wrong. I’m just freaking Canadian. Yeesh.

Before you ask: no, there isn’t a Canadian English option in Google docs (itself)

I see this “suggestion” so much and it makes me want to engage in rapid-fire throat punching.

Yes, my Chromebook allows me to choose Canadian English as an option for my OS, but that holds no water within Google docs itself, which has its own language settings.

In case you wondered, there are a lot of other language options. A lot. I’m not very mathy, but I’d wager that there is a literal bazillion.

Canadian English is left out for some reason, and the result is absolutely maddening.

I have left a bunch of feedback, as have many other Canadian writers, with the good folks over at Google, but as of yet, no changes have been made. Apparently, individual feedback only goes so far — I’m not sure how many angry Canucks writing strongly-worded posts to those in charge will finally tip the scales in our direction.

That’s as far as it goes, honestly. We’re Canadian. Even our protests are polite.

And so, we wait. Patiently, for the most part. Timmies in hand, toques on our heads. We’re good like that.

This brings me to another point — people get us all wrong when it comes to our language.

SERIOUSLY, no one says “aboot”

I live in Western Canada — no one over on this side of our beautiful country says “aboot.” I’ve also read (recently, too, as I was researching this article) that some non-Canadians have studied our dialect, and have discovered that we actually say “aboat” and not “aboot.”

While I appreciate the effort that possibly went into this research and to kill the stereotype, the only Canadians who say “aboat” due to their accent are our lovely Maritimers.

It might possibly stretch into Quebec and Toronto, but beyond that, I would be extremely surprised.

In much the same way that people from Texas have a very different dialect and accent than those who live in New Jersey, Canadians have different accents from coast to coast. People who live in British Columbia sound nothing at all like your born-and-raised Newfoundlander.

Fun fact: Canada is still a relatively new country. Newfoundlanders still retain some influence from England’s Western regions, as more than 80% of Newfoundland’s people derived from that area. There are also heavy influences from Ireland, which adds to the lilting, happy accents we hear from those in the area.

I live in Alberta; also known as one of “the prairie provinces.” Alberta is considerably west of Newfoundland, and settlers filtered in here from a variety of locales, including those from Ukraine, Iceland, and Scandinavian regions, and not just the English and French.

I’m sure America has similar oddities, so I’m not sure where this ridiculous stereotype comes from. Either way, please kindly stop spinning this narrative — no one says “aboot.”

One truth about Canadians though, is that we do apologize. A lot. For pretty much everything, even things that aren’t our fault.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Sorry.

I’ve just learned something else that makes sense (but also doesn’t)

I was just thinking about the French in Canada, and how the way Canadian Francophones speak differs from their Parisian cousins. It’s very different, and I wondered if there was a specific language option for my French friends out East.

There is.

I get it; the language is different. They need their own setting.

But what about the rest of us?

Fine. FINE.

I’ll just use American English for my work here.

I fold.

Most of my audience is likely American anyway…possibly. They could be British, honestly. In any case, they’re probably not Canadian.

(For a really big stretch of land, we’re a small country in terms of actual feet on the ground.)

The trouble is, I’m also writing a book. It’s a zombie apocalyptic tale that just happens to be set in Canada.

Because I live here. It would make no sense to write about an apocalypse taking place in a world I don’t know.

It also, therefore, makes sense to use Canadian English — because the book is set in Canada!

Oh well. While Google hasn’t yet caught up to its competition (if I’m not mistaken, Microsoft Word offers a Canadian English option) there are still tools I can use to make sure I’m not completely off my rocker.

Tools like Grammarly. I have a love-hate relationship with that application, mostly because it’s so good at pointing out my previously mentioned love affair with superfluous intensifiers.

Most of which I ignore…

However, one of its best redeeming features is the available language options, since Canadian English is supported.

So glad someone’s on our side.

Anyway, I’ll just have to cope. I’ll wait patiently. Soon, the mild anger of Canadians nationwide will eventually infiltrate the powers-that-be at the head of Google, and they’ll answer our pleas.

In the meantime, I’ll have to ignore the tickled nerve that always activates when Google incessantly corrects words like “centre” or “flavour” or any other word that has been ingrained in my brain since forever.

It’s fine. I’ll be fine.

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