Goodbye to Today

I want somebody to listen.

I see faith continuously.

In the blackest of nights.

Watching from moon to sun.

My faith is no longer something I have to take inventory on.

Maybe I sound cocky.

Maybe I sound crazy.

I can say this I don’t give a shit what you think about me.

I did for awhile in the beginning.

For those of you who know me.

I thought that I wasn’t getting enough love on Medium.

Boo Hoo!

Poor Fucking Me.

That’s when I started shifting to a writing style that I love.

I owe this all to Kevin Buddaeus

His one comment about a celebrity I sounded like made me find myself again and realize who I was.

My duality is my life.

It’s my flip side of the coin.

I believe I will always have to take time to be caught in darkness.

Not to be punished.

Not because I want to look cool to people.

Fuck that

Jesus Is My Homeboy!

That is a fact.

When I go to a darker space in my writing

There is a reason

A soul needs help I just know it.

Maybe I talk about being both suicidal and homicidal.

I think my vulgarity and darkness (suicide especially) freak people out because they don’t know if they can really believe what The Mess is all about.

“Does she really love Jesus?”

Or

“Is she a wolf trying to fool us?”

If you have to even ponder either of those questions.

Then you need to do some soul searching as to why you paid attention to me from the beginning.

*I want to give a HUGE HUG! SEND TONS OF LIGHT to this person I’m about to lather on the love. It’s you Lanu Pitan and you did something that made me cry when I read it today. You understand who I am and I understand you too. You get my duality and how much that darkness means to me. If I didn’t help suffering souls what would that say about me? You understood me right away. I love you for that each and everyday. Thank you for the light you are always shining my way!*

Back to my duality.

See if you can follow me.

I have wanted to know my purpose for a very long time.

I had been praying with no answer and I get how very busy is God’s line.

Well I was in for a surprise.

He had answered me..

I saw it in my writing

Right in front of my eyes.

The sentence started with “My purpose in this life is to help (Don’t quote me on exact words) misguided souls who can’t find their way back to the narrow path that I walk upon. Not the demons, but the truly lost. To give them as much time as is needed.” *I will find it and post it verbatim.*

Can you believe it was one of my very first essay’s I wrote on Medium.

I get why God waited for this to be revealed to me.

It’s a time when the whole world is basically in recovery.

Like me.

I use prose that are very dark sometimes and I have to go there.

I do toe a scary line.

I’m not afraid of evil anymore.

I know I’m merely a vessel and he is the leader.

He picks up the pen and starts writing what needs to be written.

I basically go into a trance when he takes over the soul that he has so kindly given.

I don’t know who it helps or how.

I’m telling you all so maybe you can understand a bit better now.

Paul Myers MBA wrote something so very beautifully about leadership today. I bring him up because I think it’s relevant for what I’m about to say.

I have been told numerous times that I’m a leader.

Even when I don’t feel that way.

I do know I lead by example maybe that’s my humble pay.

I find my name very interesting too.

It does hold a not so subtle clue.

The name Kira means “The Sun.” As well as “Leader of the people.”

My middle name is Dawn.

Just in case you have lived under a rock for years it means “rising of the sun.”

I do not believe in coincidences.

I believe it to be true.

If you are a lost soul looking for help.

Please let me guide you.

My Mom always brags about the gift “Kira was born with and it is true.”

I have a way of making people turn to The Light and the Lord.

That’s why I joke about having a direct line with no telephone cord.

I don’t preach.

The decision is one made by you.

I know I’m supposed to be writing this and I’m pretty sure somebody needs help right away.

You can find me right now at [email protected]. I have had some trouble getting the messages through gmail. So please try Kirabella29@yahoo as well.

Don’t be ashamed. Don’t feel like you’re a burden.

My job title was JUNKIE for about a good 9–10 years. Cocaine to Heroin. Needles and burnt spoons. Unimaginable number of one night stands.

Doesn’t it all sound so pretty? Lol!

I will never judge just please know I’m here.

I’m doing this now for there is a specific soul out there.

Please find me.

God Bless To All!

Love you All!

Kira Dawn Copyright 2020.

a.k.a. The Gorgeous Mess