Goodbye — My Career, Birth Of A Legacy

And losses that still stir emotion

It was the happiest day of my life! The last day after 11 years of service. I could not stop smiling. Amid a farewell party, my manager jokingly said, “I wish I could wipe that smile off your face!” I was not aware that I was constantly smiling — I felt liberated and like in a trance. It registered on my face! It was like winning an Olympic Gold Medal!

My family and I moved to Australia under unexpected circumstances. I have narrated this story here. Things just happened. Everything fell into place like in a jigsaw puzzle! After arriving in this new country, my husband struggled to secure a job, but it was an uphill task. I had to step in and appear for the Public Service Exam.

Within two months, I received a call from the Public Service Board congratulating me on my score and offering me a base level position, which was where all recruits started. My work commenced at the departmental hospital. At first, I was excited and grateful to have secured a job with the Federal Government. But, before long, I realized that this glorified job was draining my self-esteem. The environment was new; the culture was different, and I had to get acquainted with the computer systems, the processes, and the procedures. I quickly learned the ropes, but acceptance was not easy. I realised it was a challenging task.

I was at a low ebb when the phone rang past midnight. At the other end was my sister shrieking aloud, crying her heart out, announcing to me Abba (my Dad) has gone. The news was unbelievable and unbearable. How could he leave us? He cannot forsake me! He was instrumental in sending us to Australia and encouraged us to leave India. How could he be gone? He was so excited to come and visit us. And in preparation, he had purchased a beautiful silk saree for me that morning! Too much happiness had killed him! The joy to see us again, happy to see his grandchildren — but it was not to be.

He was gone at 58! Devastated and heartbroken, my first trip back home was a failure. I had missed the funeral. Getting the visa to India took time. Thirty years have passed but just thinking about him brings alive all the memories. Three months ago, I went through all his detailed letters — 99 in all and he lived once more for me during those days when I took my time to read them all — about five or less a day. He came back alive telling me everything that was happening — his frequent work trips, about Mum, my sister, his sister who was his ward, my brother who too is since gone.

My pain was mine alone! No one at my work asked me. Some said they were sorry to hear without any understanding of the terrible loss I felt.

An opportunity came up in the main office. Along with many of my colleagues, I applied and, most of us got accepted. I moved up the ladder from class 1 to 3, enjoying the work and pay that came at level three, but nominally still a one, base level position.

Fortune smiled at my husband. After all the struggles of job hunting he had endured in Brisbane, he was head-hunted in Melbourne. I was ecstatic with the hope that I could quit my job and stay home, be there for my kids when they returned home from school instead of an empty house which was the case! They were too young to be alone, to be heating food in the microwave and helping themselves. It is not what I had envisaged for them.

Strangely, it was not to be. In a state of bliss with the thought of soon moving down south to Melbourne, I met my boss in the tea room. As I made my cuppa, I mentioned to him that I would soon be heading down south as my husband had got a job there. His immediate response was — Do you want a transfer? It had never occurred to me.

Here I was thinking I would now be a free woman doing all the other things that I wanted to do, spend time with my children, be there for them when they returned from school. And he was asking me if I want a transfer! I gathered my thoughts, then asked him what I needed to do. He asked me for my resume. I always had an updated resume, and I handed it to him. It was before the days of the internet, so he faxed it to the manager of the Melbourne office.

Before the end of the day, my manager came up to my desk and said, “Done!” “What,” I said, quite bewildered. Things cannot be moving that fast. “You have a job in the Melbourne office”! In a daze, I went home and declared to my husband. I was not sure if this was happy news. I had been accepted by the Melbourne office spontaneously and was disappointed that my retirement dreams were once more on hold.

Moving down from warm sunny Brisbane to cold Melbourne took some time to adjust, but the kids settled in school well and quickly made new friends. Though progress in my career was still with hurdles, I got opportunities to move up the ladder acting in higher-level positions on a long-term basis. Despite this, whenever a permanent vacancy occurred, it was filled by someone else.

I was despondent. My Mum in India was also going through a hard time. Being the eldest of three siblings, I felt the pangs of guilt, unable to free my Mum from her circumstances. Concerned with her deteriorating health, I went back home and found her alone in an appalling condition. I was heartbroken. Seeing me, she was happy and revived a little. I served her for a little while during my short stay there. It was a difficult stay.

My memories of my Mum sitting on a chair and watching me pack my suitcase to leave are vivid in my memory. I wish I could have brought her home to Australia, but her application for a visa failed. I had to return home alone. It was very hard.

After six months, I got the news that my Mum was no more. Her suffering had finally ended. Without a doubt, I know she is in a better place and is at peace.

Things at work were much the same. Soon after I arrived in Australia, I received an offer from Harvard University for a Master in Public Administration based on a competitive exam. Having migrated to a new country with young kids, I could not avail that offer. Later in the year, I received another reminder from Harvard. I took it in my stride and was contented with the fact that a world-famous University had considered me with an offer. I carried those two letters in my handbag for a very long time.

Seven years after this, my workplace advertised Study Awards offering full or half tuition fees in the field of Public Administration or Public Policy. I applied and was fortunate to be awarded a full-tuition fee Study Award by my workplace. While working full-time, I enrolled in a two-year part-time Post-Graduate Program in Public Policy at The University of Melbourne. My studies were mainly on the commute by train. My hard work paid off and, I was awarded a Master of Public Policy with First-class Honours, an accomplishment that makes me proud.

However, my work situation remained unchanged. Despite working at a level 5 position for years, I could not get a permanent position. Out of sheer frustration, I appealed a decision to an outside independent body — Merit Protection and Review Agency. I appeared before the panel of three judges and, each had my application, referee reports, etc. The chairperson had only one main question — she said, “We are convinced with your application and referee reports and have no questions to ask about that. Tell us why don’t they like you”? For some time, I was trying to come to grips with a question I had never anticipated. All the pent-up emotions that I had been holding for so long seemed to spill over before three individuals whom I hardly knew! I had no answer! And I do not think they expected one.

I returned to work after the emotional interview and, within a few minutes, I received a phone call informing me that my appeal had won! The victory was a vindication of the extended turmoil I went through! My boss came to my desk and congratulated me. It meant nothing. I did not have to go through this, I told him. He said, “Yes, I am sorry that you had to go through this”.

I do not attribute this situation to anyone. My education was never utilized by the department that had paid for it. My workplace needed to cut staff and was offering redundancy packages. I opted for one and got it. The smile that I had on the day I finished work twenty years ago, is still with me. I have never looked back.

There was something far more substantial in store for me. One day, during dinner in front of the TV, I saw a woman in Niger holding her extremely malnourished child in her arms. The child was taking his last few breaths… I could not complete my dinner. That night I wrote to Kofi Annan, Secretary-General of the United Nations, George W Bush, President of the U.S.A, John Howard, Prime Minister of Australia asking one question — Why? Why, when we have so much food on our tables, should anyone die from hunger?

I thought hard about it and answered my question — what am I doing? The answer lies with me! I have to change to see a change in this world! I decided not to have any more dinner parties and, instead, I sent about 50 invitations to my friends for lunch at $25 — all for a good cause. Over half responded and attended the lunch. I spoke about the situation in Niger. Donations poured along with the cost of the lunch — I collected approximately $1200 and sent it for the poor in Niger.

My following grew and, I formed an organization with ten other women. We organized fundraising lunches doing all the cooking ourselves, organized speakers to enlighten the audiences of our role in helping other less privileged human beings. These lunches became very popular and, people looked forward to them. We held auctions, trivia, games, cooking competitions, etc. Our focus was mainly on food and water. We built water wells or tanks in Africa, Cambodia, Bangladesh, Palestine and organized food supplies in many countries such as Niger, Syria, Pakistan, Myanmar, Togo, etc.

Since the pandemic, these fundraising lunches have come to a temporary halt. But I am continuing my work online by creating a WhatsApp group — informing people about conditions elsewhere. The transparency with which we worked has built great trust and, we are continuing to help the needy in a small way.

I am grateful for all the trials and tribulations that I went through! Without which perhaps I would not have achieved this satisfaction of giving my time, skills, and efforts to something far more enduring than a 9 to 5 office job for my self-glory. I am receiving far more.