Goodbye Isn’t Good Enough

Summary

The text is a poignant reflection on the author's uncle's struggle with addiction, mental health, and loss, culminating in his untimely death.

Abstract

The poem "Goodbye Isn’t Good Enough" by Bradley J Nordell is a heart-wrenching tribute to his uncle Den, who passed away in a parking lot after a series of health crises. It delves into the complexities of addiction, the pain of familial loss, and the haunting memories that linger. The author grapples with the different forms of suicide, including those induced by stress and substance abuse, and contemplates the impact of these issues on his own life and future. Through vivid imagery, the poem paints a picture of the uncle's final moments, his regrets, and the burdens he carried, such as taking care of his siblings in the absence of his parents. The poem also touches on the author's realization that goodbyes are inadequate in the face of such profound loss and the importance of remembering and honoring those who have passed.

Opinions

The author conveys a deep sense of sorrow and regret for the circumstances surrounding his uncle's life and death.
There is an underlying frustration with the societal stigmas associated with addiction and mental health issues, which are depicted as contributing factors to the uncle's suffering.
The poem suggests that the pain of loss is ongoing and that the act of writing serves as a therapeutic outlet for the author.
The author expresses a sense of solidarity with others who have experienced similar losses, emphasizing the value of being heard and understood.
There is a subtle fear of following in the footsteps of family members who have struggled with addiction and mental health, hinting at a concern for personal vulnerability to these issues.

To uncle Den, man, I miss you

You died in a parking lot clutching your heart for the 3rd-time that month But this time, something blew and spilled remorse all over Your dreams.

Not knowing that hot pavement would be your resting place Wanting to call your daughter and leave her with one last memory beyond the overdoses.

Did you plan this? There are many types of suicide some by guns or the rope others by stress or speedballs Is my father next? Will I end this way, too?

Crooked fingers hold the old bronze cross as the pain slithers along your arm you know, the chiming in your head means the rent is due to the shadow.

You fled, and all you can think is your father on his two-week bender Knowing it would be up to you To take care of your brothers To mend holes too vast To be filled with poison and rage So, you lied to everyone Said, “it’s all okay.”

Did you see the closet room painted red in the blood of your brother as you stuck that needle in your arm and silenced the screams with opium Dreams?

Your nose is bleeding again And hands shaking as you lay that carpet along wooden floors the metal spikes ripping through as you flatten it to make it Smooth. Something you could never do for yourself.

The letter you wrote your mother to come home from the hospital Are you still waiting for her? Have you been waiting all these decades? What was her grave to you but A lie and a deception, just like that night you found him with a hole in his head and a suicide note in his heart.

I know now, your vein turbine black which is why you never wear short sleeves And your cheekbones stick out which is why you grow a beard to cover the lament on your frown and your coughing laugh It was from the heart, ready to burst From too much-hidden hurt.

I know now – goodbye isn’t good enough.

Author’s Note: Some days, the loss of those we love seems silent. Other days it comes roaring back, and we miss them so much that it hurts to breathe. I’ve lost so many people I have loved throughout this life that I feel like a ghost. It helps to write. And it helps to have those who listen. So thank you.

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Goodbye Isn’t Good Enough

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A poem about the loss of a family member