Summary

Darcy Thiel, a grief counselor, reflects on the profound impact of her clients' experiences with loss, particularly focusing on the emotional journeys of two clients dealing with the complexities of love and loss, and the tragedy of a miscarriage.

Abstract

In a poignant reflection, Darcy Thiel shares insights from her recent counseling sessions, highlighting the emotional intricacies of her clients' lives. She empathizes with a woman grappling with conflicting feelings for her ex-husband and recognizes her own struggle with a past relationship. Thiel also recounts the heart-wrenching story of Natalie, a young woman with an old soul, who faced an unexpected pregnancy, followed by a challenging miscarriage. The revelation from the pathology report, indicating a healthy and perfectly formed boy, adds layers of complexity to Natalie's grief. Thiel acknowledges the privilege of witnessing her clients' pain and joy, learning from their resilience and strength, and the unique moments of connection that define her work as a grief counselor.

Opinions

The counselor identifies with her clients' emotional turmoil, seeing her own experiences reflected in their struggles.
She acknowledges the difficulty of moving forward from deep emotional pain, regardless of the duration of the relationship.
Thiel expresses that loss is an unavoidable part of life that one must move through rather than around.
She admires Natalie's grace and maturity in handling the miscarriage, noting that such composure is often lacking in older individuals.
The counselor reflects on the paradox of grief, where the knowledge of the baby's health and perfection intensifies the sense of loss and tragedy.
She believes that earlier medical intervention might have changed the outcome for Natalie, highlighting the frustration with the medical system's negligence.
Thiel considers the therapeutic process a privilege, emphasizing the profound impact of her clients' trust and the shared human experiences of pain and joy.

Good Grief!

Literally

My clients teach me more about life and human relationships than I ever teach them. It’s been a week with some very moving sessions. The first one was a woman who is confused and upset about loving and hating her former husband at the same time. And why miss someone who hurts you terribly?

I saw myself in her. I was only with Jay four months and I am still regularly tortured by the same thoughts she has. I can’t believe how difficult it is to move forward and how deep the pain still is.

This woman had ten years invested and had children with him. Trying to reassure her, I realized I am usually much too hard on myself.

Loss is complicated and difficult, but it is what it is. No way around it, only through it.

Yesterday, I had a session with Natalie. Natalie is only in her early twenties, but she has one of the oldest souls I’ve ever met. She lives her life outside the box, yet has a simplicity about her that is soothing and refreshing.

A couple of months ago, she found herself with an unexpected pregnancy. Talk about mixed emotions. She and her significant other did a tremendous job of managing the complexity of the excitement with the difficulties of an experience they weren’t quite prepared for.

They got through the first trimester only to have a frustrating week of sickness and illness that had no apparent explanation. And unfortunately, a team of doctors that you could make a case for being nothing short of negligent.

This turned into one of the most difficult and traumatic miscarriages I have heard about.

Natalie and her partner took this new experience on with the same grace and maturity that people twice their age find hard to accomplish. She talked about trying to cope with this loss that seemed to be hanging in the air.

Having had a miscarriage myself, I could understand. It is incredible that these tiny not-fully-formed lives completely capture our hearts and devastate us with their loss when we haven’t even laid eyes on them.

Yesterday she came in for a session and had just had access to the pathology report. Turns out she had an infection that is relatively rare which caused preterm labor.

The baby was a perfectly formed boy.

Suddenly, her grief had a shape, a face, a gender. There was great comfort in knowing that he was healthy and perfect.

And yet… doesn’t that make it even more tragic? And maddening that earlier intervention from the medical system might have prevented this.

She understands that maybe not, but maybe it would have.

Again, the bitter and sweet complexity of human emotion and connection. Such happiness and relief from knowing, mingling with gut-wrenching grief.

At the end of the session, I stood up and said, “Good grief, Natalie!” which I realized was a bit of a pun.

Natalie said it was ironic that I said that because of being a grief counselor.

Then it hit me. My God, Nat. There it is. The perfect description of it all.

Good…Grief.

I watched her face as she caught it too. It was one of those sacred therapeutic moments that don’t come all that often in a career.

I hugged her goodbye, but I couldn’t hold her tightly enough to let her know how incredibly grateful I am that she trusts me to share in her journey. What a privilege to share in someone’s pain and joy.

Thank you, my dear Natalie. You are my teacher.

I’m Darcy Thiel. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Adult Planning Specialist, End of Life Doula, and author. Feel free to check out my profile to hear more.